School girl??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
School girl??????
23
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 12:15pm
My DH stares at 18 year olds and likes for me to wear my hair in a ponytail and pig tails. This is really bothering me and all I can think is that he is wanting a "teenager" although legal - but we are in our 30's and our daughter will be a teenager soon. Is this wrong or is it okay for him to have this "fetish" or "fantasy" and play it out with me? It is making me uncomfortable though without fully knowing what his thoughts are and he doesn't want to share "those" thoughts with me.

Help please

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 1:50pm

He wants you to wear your hair like a school girl but he won't share with you what his thoughts are, that is what would bother me.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:03pm
The staring at 18yos is a bit disturbing. Does he really STARE at them or are you just noticing him take a long glance at an 18 year old hottie?

Other than that, there's nothing wrong with him finding 18 year old girls attractive. Our whole culture is based on "Young is beautiful and sexual attractive" and an incredible amount of time, money, clothing, makeup, and advertising is spent promoting youth as a sexual attractive feature. At 18 years of age, girls are young women and sexual mature and active; and there is no doubting that some 18 year olds are very attractive too. It would be a blind man that could ignore that fact. Take the whole cheerleader thing: Attractive schoolgirls in short skirts and tight tops bouncing around? It's a commonly acknowledged fact that young women can be very attractive.

However, he isn't 18 himself any more and he's with you and is meant to be finding you attractive. So there are some boundaries on appropriate behaviour. I suspect liking you in pigtails is his way of having a little fantasy. If this is all that he does then I think that his little 'schoolgirl' fantasty is perfectly normal and perfectly harmless provided you are happy to play along. Don't forget the jokes about roleplaying and wearing 'schoolgirl' outfits at fancy dress parties. Fantasies about sexually attractive young women are well ingrained into our culture.

Unless he has given you any real reason to worry about your daughter I wouldn't think about it for another moment. Having a teenage daughter and finding teenage girls attractive is an entirely different kettle of fish. You are likely to upset yourself for no reason especially if the only reason is your big leap of logic.

Perhaps you could ask him to tone down the staring because it is rude and embarrassing and inappropriate. But in the meantime, just let him enjoy his harmless fantasy with you in a ponytail and pigtails.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:18pm
Pigtails? I rarely see a girl who isn't under thirteen with pigtails. I'd wonder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:29pm
I myself enjoy dressing up like a schoolgirl every once in a while. I have done so for Halloween and for a fetish ball. I have never played out the schoolgirl fantasy however with another person (sigh). I don't think there is any harm in fantasies/fetishes as long as they don't do any harm to anyone. Are you uncomfortable dressing up and acting out fantasies or is it just the thought of dressing up like a young girl? Unless your husband seems like a deviant or someone who is going to look at your/(his?) daughter and act on illegal ideas, I wouldn't worry about it unless there have been signs to give you worry that your husband is molesting your/(his?) daughter. There are too many other "bad" people in this world without adding your husband to that list without any evidence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:35pm
"Pigtails? I rarely see a girl who isn't under thirteen with pigtails. I'd wonder."

That's a bunch of crap! I'm 32 and wear pigtails quite often (or I did before I cut my hair). Why would you want to make this woman worry about something that, in my experience, is an extremely common fantasy among men? Look a Brittney Spears for God's sake! I don't agree with the exploitation of a girl that age, but there's a reason that she did a video in a schoolgirl outfit. Not to mention going into any store in any mall in America right now and finding little plaid skirts everywhere. It's a fantasy turned fashion trend and nothing more. Unless this woman has other reasons to worry that her husband is a pedophile/rapist/child molester then putting ideas into her head that she should "wonder" is ridiculous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:48pm
No way! I love pigtails and wore them up until I recently had my hair chopped off. They are a fun, cute way to deal with a bad hair day. And are way more fun than a ponytail.

Carrie Bradshaw (Sex in the City) used to like them too

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 3:00pm
I personally wouldn't feel comfortable either, UNTIL I knew what was behind this desire. AND especially because you have a teen daughter in the house.

Even though I think it's normal for all of us, yes, even men in their 30's, to notice an attractive young person, I just don't think it's healthy to encourage grown men to sexualize children this way through fantasy and sex play. How do you know when it's harmless and when it's not? You don't.

My suggestion? Because you're uncomfortable with the whole scenario, refuse to indulge his schoolgirl fantasies any longer until he's willing to talk about why he's so turned on by it and your mind is at ease. It's always better to be safe than sorry.


Edited 11/2/2004 11:14 am ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 3:10pm
I don't think that the discussion about WHY he likes the schoolgirl fantasy is such a big deal. Most boys learn about sex at school and their first sexual experiences or crushes are with schoolgirls in their classes and schools. That's WHY so many men like the schoolgirl thing. Some guys are just gonna like the schoolgirl thing more than others - like any fanstasy. Some get off on it more than others. This guy is one of those guys that has probably always had a bit of thing for pigtailed girls in plaid skirts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 3:24pm
Even politicians wear pigtails!

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 3:27pm
>>Even politicians wear pigtails!<<


laugh!!!!!

I get a really bad mental picture of our Prime Minister...

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/pics/helen.JPG

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