School girl??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
School girl??????
23
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 12:15pm
My DH stares at 18 year olds and likes for me to wear my hair in a ponytail and pig tails. This is really bothering me and all I can think is that he is wanting a "teenager" although legal - but we are in our 30's and our daughter will be a teenager soon. Is this wrong or is it okay for him to have this "fetish" or "fantasy" and play it out with me? It is making me uncomfortable though without fully knowing what his thoughts are and he doesn't want to share "those" thoughts with me.

Help please

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 3:34pm
I'm sure that many adults wear pigtails, but that isn't why the OP's partner wanted her to wear them.

It is currently estimated that 1 in 4 children are molested. It's a serious matter.(note: I not inferring that the OP's partner is a molester).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 3:40pm
Do you really think that pedophiles share that information with their SO?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 5:23pm
>>I'm sure that many adults wear pigtails, but that isn't why the OP's partner wanted her to wear them.<<

We don't *know* that. The O/P is asking us *because* she doesn't know. All we know about him is that he likes his wife to wear pigtails and that he's been known to appreciate a younger woman's looks. Putting the two together doesn't mean that he's got a school girl fantasy.

Most men (if you ask them) have preferences about how women wear their hair. Some like it long, some like it short. And some like pigtails.

And I will openly confess to perving on some young lads at the pool this last weekend. In no way does this mean that I've got a school boy fantasy. I just happened to be reminiscing about years past.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 5:44pm
Well, it obviously IS a big deal to the OP's husband, Westie, or he'd be willing to say that, wouldn't he? He wouldn't feel the need to "stare at 18 yr. olds" if his wife was fulfilling this fantasy for him.

I think something else is going on or this would be just another fantasy. And the OP needs to trust her instincts until they're proven wrong, IMO. She feels uncomfortable about it and that's reason enough to get the subject on the table.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 9:24am
Alright, I posted about this on the other board, but I strongly feel the need to weigh in here, because i think a lot of people are misinformed.

I'll start out by saying that from waht we have read, there is nothing SOLID to say that this guy is headed for trouble in what he is asking. I will say that it is proven fact t hat in many cases of pedophilia, the perpetrator starts out by asking his SO to "play dress up like a young girl"...and it then escalates from there. Add that to the fact that he is defensive and dismissive and defensive about her concerns and tht is not so good. If it were a harmless fantasy, why the defensiveness about it??

The leering at young girls isn't great either. When I was with my ex who had a sexual addiction, I did a great deal of research on all hese issues, and this is all what I have found out. I think she should be very, very careful. JMHO

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 9:53am
As long as pedophilia is pandemic in the world, then it SHOULD be a concern for anyone noticing disturbing behavior of a spouse, friend, etc. (Pedophiles live secret lives.) And as long as 1 out of 4 girls will be raped or assaulted before the age of 18, it should be a concern.

As a mother, I would rather know that I acted to prevent something from happening, to my child or someone else's, then have to live with the guilt of doing nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 9:13am
I want to add in that I have to agree completely with your comments.

It’s not an uncommon fantasy. It is especially common if you grew up in an area or country was school uniforms are common. You have men who when they were teens and when there sexuality was developing were constantly exposed the object of their attraction, girls of their age, wearing these uniforms. It’s not surprising that the uniform would become fetishised. It’s not about young women so much as it is about associating the clothing with arousal and sexuality

As to him noticing attractive young women, that’s normal although starings generally considered rude. If he acting rude you can say that’s rude but recognize finding a sexually mature young woman attractive is a normal response.

Remember that as species we are wired to respond to certain sexual characteristics .For men that includes body shape not size but rather hip to waste ratio, symmetry, outward indicators of health and fertility. A million years of evolution has hard wired men to respond to these keys. We have been wired to seek things that indicate health and fertility in our mate.


People do have to have appropriate boundaries. As long as the individual in question observes appropriate boundaries it’s a harmless fantasy. If not than that’s another issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 5:32pm
When I first read this post I said I bet 4 out of 5 gals here will "brand" this guys as a child molester. Guess what? I was right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 5:46pm

<<>>

Steven, exactly where did you see


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 6:31pm
Agreeing with Tish to a point....many have not technically branded him as a child molester. However, I do agree that the tone of the thread is that he should be watched.

I'm feeling quite at odds with all the threads. I can't help feeling like there are a couple of innocent things being put together to make him seem bad. I mean, I was perving on some young lads last weekend (and wishing I was 20 years younger), but in no way does that mean I would actually do something about it. Also, men are entitled to have preferences on how we wear our hair.

Sure, there may be real issues at hand for the O/P, but at this stage, I don't believe that she's told us anything particularly damning about him.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace