secret

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2012
secret
9
Fri, 12-07-2012 - 5:00am

Please help.   My hubby and i have a very exciting and healthy sex life.  But recently i ve  noticed he is masturbating himself, while say, when he thinks am asleep, the other day i had a really bad migrane and came to bed first and fallen asleep.  But when i woke and my back was turned back from where hubby was sitting on the chair.  But i stayed that position and i could tell or hear that he was mastuurbatiing.  I just stayed like that without moving cause i didint want him to know that i knew what he was doing.   I was abit confused about what to do? then lieing there i felt angry and i dont know alsorts of feelings went throuhg my mind..

I then made gesture of being awake and turned, he then was acting like he was not doing anyting then came into  to bed.   Before, when we have sex i did ask hime if he does it himself at anytime, but he blatenly just syas, "no. why would i need to do that when your here".  So why is he lying to me?  I feel he is hiding things from then.

And the funny thing is it turns me on when i see him masturbating himself??? whats that about??/

OHHH i dont know what to do, shall i come straight out and ask him?  Please any advice/Cry

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
In reply to: radvillage
Fri, 12-07-2012 - 10:02am
Has your sex life fallen off since you've noticed this? Generally, men masturbating has nothing to do with you. The worst thing you can do is to make him feel guilty for it, which it seems from his response that he already is. If the sex is still good, then I wouldn't worry. If you feel like you want to say something, tell him that you know he does it and that you think it's hot and it turns you on. No one should feel bad for masturbating.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: radvillage
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 4:36pm

  Of course he is hiding it from you.  Many people are very uncomfortable masturbating in front of another or admiting that they masturbate at all.  The fact it is a turn on for you is even more of a reason to tred softly.  While he may be open to discussing it the converse is more likely.  IMO let it slide! 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
In reply to: spartan117
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 11:58am

Yeah that is something most men do. No matter how healthy the sex life may be. It has nothing to do with you or what you guys share. Sometimes it maybe the need for a simple release without the 'work' of sex, a moment of boredom... I think quite a few women do it too...  if you can, let it slide, and just use the knowlegde to enhance your relastionship... it turns you on, then bring it up some other time in a conversation that it is something you would love to see, maybe you do it mutally... but don't let it become anything more that it is...just a guy get his own release.

i once dated a lady that had a higher sex drive than i did, and had never turned me down if i wanted it, but yet there were still times that i would get myself off with her asleep in the bed next to me.. yeah i could have woken her up, and had even better sex, but  i just wanted simple release. most guys are like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2012
In reply to: radvillage
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 9:42am

thanks guys,,,sorry for the late reply been busy with family stuff......

its reassuring, reading all of your replys.   yeah i guess its  the not knowing why he would do that when am there??   i felt neglected or maybe its me feeling in secure about myself????

but i suppose i know how to deal with the situation now,... am very much a trust person,,, i suppose evryone is,  but one thing i cant handle in life is my hubby lieing to me,,,,, id rather he told me the thruth,,,...  but with this i guess its good to know the things that you guys have said,,,,,thanks guys.....y cant things just be simpleUndecided xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
In reply to: radvillage
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 2:11pm

Realyl It is a guy thing...we do it cause we know what feels best to us. No reflection on you, but even the most accomplished mate in this can't do what we can do for ourselves. Immediate feedback and we have been at it ALL our lives. Don't let it bother your that he is saying a little white lie. We have been taught all our lives that you shouldn't get caught doing that...so he may have a little guilt thinking you might be secure in knowing the truth..he is right according to your statement.

Masturbation is something that happens, both men and women do it. Wouldn't you feel self conscious if he walked into the bathroom and found you masturbating. Have you done it? Have you told him you do? You should try including it in your lovemaking sessions. Tell him you want to masturbate and let him watch. Guarantee you won't be doing it alone for long...

Sounds like he knew you would not be "in the mood" so he went for personal release to keep from hurting your feelings by you rejecting his needs. BTW every guy lies about doing it...we sometimes do it just to have something to do...no reflection to you. I know when me and my SO haven't made love in a few days and she is sick, I usually don't do it to completion, but a good stroking feels good and what can it hurt? When I know she is sick and it may be several days, I will secretly do it to completion. I am 60 so I have to watch out for overdoing it, but a guy can only wait so long. Only be worried if he can't perform or is unattentive to you or your needs.Wink

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
In reply to: radvillage
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 6:31pm

I find it interesting that he was in the same room with you while masturbating, like he had to be near you, rather than say in the bathroom or somewhere else in the house.  Kind of a compliment in my way of thinking.

I think you should tell him it turns you on, and maybe offer to "assist" him next time.  Might be a great turn on for both of you :D

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2012
In reply to: radvillage
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 3:33am
I haven't read all the replies. My first thought was that he found it exciting doing it so close to you while you sleep. That can be kind of a fetish. Some guys fantasize about having sex with someone asleep and not getting caught. I think there's something exciting in doing something naughty and many of us, men and women, like the element where you might get caught lol I don't think it's anything to worry about. Most guys masterbate but many won't admit. We both grew up in christian homes where masterbation was "sinful" lol I personally would have crawled over and given him a BJ. Although with a migraine I would probably have just kept acting like I was asleep lol I get bad migraines too and they suck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2013
In reply to: radvillage
Thu, 10-24-2013 - 6:01pm
I originally came on the board to confess my secret but maybe now could offer some advice from a guy's prespective. Last night I had a major urge that needed release so with my wife sound asleep I got quite turned on with the idea of rubbing it myself as quietly as I could right next to her. I didn't have to really stroke too much and by rubbing the end firmly got off really good. I would have loved my wife to be the one doing the rubbing which she loves to do but sometimes it is more of a turn on to do it yourself in certain situations. Towards the end I was making more noise and was sure she would wake up but she didn't. Anyway, I think you should look at it from this point of view, watching this turned you on and I don't see anything wrong with you being turned on by what your man does. What you should probably do is wait until he goes to sleep and pleasure yourself and if you make too much noise and wake him up I am certain that he will be very happy about that. My wife once told me she woke in the middle of the night and was so horny that she absolutely had to masturbate, she does masturbate now and again with an egg but she said she was crazy over it and exploded quickly using her fingers. Masturbating in bed with your wife awake can also be fantastic, occasionally she offers to rub me off but I am the one doing the rubbing and she just massages my balls as I make myself ejaculate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2013
In reply to: STO61
Sun, 10-27-2013 - 4:34pm
Why would he do it behind you back is what I can't get past. I guess my wife and I may just be more open with what we like than some others. She knows just where, how and when I like to be touched. I haven't masturbated in years but you can bet that if I do she will be part of it. Tell him you were turned on by seeing him do it and that you would like to participate. Move his hand and take over for him. Do something to get it out in the open and don't do things behind each other's back.