Selfish In Bed - Any Advice
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 11-16-2004 - 5:06pm |
I know this is wrong, but I am soooo selfish in bed. I feel bad about it afterwards, but I am so bored when I am pleasuring him. I don't go down on him as often as he'd like because I just find it boring. I know that's mean, but it's true. I get bored using my hand too. It starts to hurt and I always want to stop after 5 or so minutes. I feel the same way about being on top sex. I get bored when I am in control. It is so hard because I know he loves for me to be in control, but it doesn't excite me at all.
The worst part is that he is such a giving and attentive lover. He would go down on me forever. He never stops until I stop him. Same thing when he uses his fingers. I am really not excited unless he is giving the attention to me. I could be submissive all the time and be perfectly happy.
So, my question is...is this true for anyone else? How do you deal with it? Or, do you have any suggestions for getting more into it while I am pleasuring him?
Thanks,
Beth

I must admit that is a twist from what is usually posted.
Hi,
There's nothing in the deal that says everything has to be a perfect 50 - 50 split.
Sharon
A friend is the person who kn
You simply prefer to receive, just like the rest of us, so don't be too hard on yourself. You just like to receive more than many of the rest of do it sounds like.
It is true, in my very honest opinion, that your love for 'giving' isn't in the excitement for but your own excitement is in what it does for . Our words here cannot convince you to enjoy his jerky reactions or his moans or any/every little noticeable thing he does when you are pleasing .
Its going to be up to to actually WANT him and to WANT his body. If you don't, you don't. Some things that have made it more for the rest of us is adding flavors to the event, such as edible oils/lubricants. Toys have been mentioned several times too. Even having sex in a different setting, outside the bedroom, has even added to the "thrill" of it all.
However, when it comes to wanting him more and enjoying the session of just giving to him, then my personal best guess regarding that is for you to just simply focus on HIS enjoyment and be happy that he is receiving that pleasure only from you and to be happy FOR him that he is being so satisfied by you whenever you give to him. For many of us couples, that is simply what its all about. No magic words or magic potion or anything secret about it. Its just simply being in love with someone and then wanting that someone to really be pleased. Having our partners be SOOO pleased actually IS much of the pleasure we get from doing it. Just enjoying the reactions we get to witness is a turn-on for many of us.
Hope the replies are helping.
:)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
All of your answers are helpful actually. He would never (or at least never has) say that I am selfish or complain that I am not giving him enough attention. Although has teased me about it in the past when I have been the one to bring it up. He always says,"sure he would like for me to be in control more or to pay a little more attention to him, but he would never ask me to do anything that I wasnt't comfortable doing."
Just knowing that he likes it does make me want to do it, but I just get so bored while I am doing it that I don't do it long. Honestly, part of me wonders if I am doing it "right" too. He always says that I'm doing it "just fine", but that's not exactly reassuring. Maybe I am just in an insecure mood today.
Thanks for your replies!
As always, thank YOU for letting us know if our posts are helpful or not. You just never know who out there may be benefitting from reading this. :)
Just remember, lol, PLEASE remember, we all go through it. All of us at one point or another go through the phases of wondering if we're doing something good enough or long if or even right. Also, we ALL tend to get a little bored and tired after a period of time. When the Mrs. tries to please me, I actually don't let her go beyond several minutes anymore just because of that, LOL! So join the club, you sound more and more normal than I thought, lol.
Again, if you focus too much on being perfect at it all, then it WILL be impossible for you to enjoy his reactions in the first place.
:)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
Nowhere do you say what kind of relationship this is.....do you have feelings for this man? Is it just a FWB kind of thing?
I don't understand how you can be bored if you care about him. Part of the pleasure of intimacy is giving pleasure, and if you know you're making him happy.....how could it bore you, or make you feel like you're doing a "chore"?
It sounds more like you're insecure about what you're doing.....and all you have to do is ask him if he's enjoying it, or if there's something you could do differently. There's very little you can do wrong.......except act like you don't care about his pleasure, only your own.