sex on the 1st date ?!?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
sex on the 1st date ?!?!?
15
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 6:18pm
Help! I am new to the board and am also new to dating after being married for 4 years. I have been trying this internet daing thing - it's going pretty good - but this morning one of my contacts who I have been chatting with for several weeks and I met for coffee. Shortly after we ended up back at my place in bed. It was amazing and I more than enjoied it...but I can't help but feel that it was a pretty slutty thing to do. Maybe I have just been out of the "real world" for too long. Please let me know what y'all think.


Thanks!

Heather

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 8:58pm

Hi Heather and welcome to the board.


I'm a firm believer in live your life the way you want to live it as long as you don't hurt anyone else.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 1:10am


No, I wouldn't say it was a slutty thing to do at all.

You did mention that you had chatted with this individual for a couple of weeks. Sometimes what you meet online and what you meet in person aren't the same person... We tend to idealise and sometimes construct data in our heads about what we expect from the person. I expect that you had liked what you saw online and were vindicated when you got to meet him in person for the first time. Excellent. And you felt the mutual chemistry. Also good.

I have had a few dates from people I've met online, and very recently I had a very similar situtiaon to you.

We had met that morning. Had lunch. Parted for about two hours, she called me and invited me over for sundaes and movies. A few hours later we were in bed. I'm not sure you can call it a second or first date But, it was the first day we'd actually met after about a week fo chatting and two phone conversations totalling near six hours immediately prior.

I figure by the end of that we knew eachother pretty well. And she had a good handle on me. When we met there was no dissapoinement nor disengenuine feelings. And after sex. We'll we just lay there and laughed and hugged. It was tremendous release for me and her both.

Since then though we've realised that there are issues that neither of us can surmount but we do remain friends and continue to chat online several times a day. Even tonight we chatted for an hour and teased one another. It's all good.

So, don't feel bad about what happened. Take it for what it was. Just plain good sex, and maybe the start of something great.

And I agree with Tish on another point...

Be safe!

CEH

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 5:43am
just to add to the others responses regarding being safe...of course its important we are sexually safe, but i also believe its wise to be safe with letting others know where we live...i am very careful about bringing a man home to my place...it was a good month of steady dating before i finally let my man know where i lived...and so its *my* opinion that a woman needs to realize the importance of condoms, but also of hotels for rendevous....although, for *me*, the thought of locking myself behind a closed door with a virtual stranger frightens me...sad but there are too many horror stories out there, of nice guys who can get rough, etc, not to mention if you wind up not liking the guy and than he has your home address and can stalk you!...ugh!...so i say condoms AND a hotel for couples who choose to engage in first date sex.

honey

    

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 11:29am
Should you feel bad? It depends on whether you care what this guy thinks of you or not or if you want more from him than just sex. If you don't feel bad about it, then that's all that's important BUT the ugly old double standard about this IS still alive and well, unfortunately, for many men. He could view women having sex on a first date very differently than men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 1:20pm
Yeah, lol - that's pretty slutty. Meet the guy for the first time over coffee and go straight to bed? Yep, slutty. But whatever. Obviously the two of you were looking for that type of thing and did it. No biggie. I wouldn't worry about it unless you are concerned that maybe you would like to date him for real or something. I mean, he might come back for seconds in bed, but I wouldn't think that there is any way he would be interested in an actual dating relationship.

You're newly divorced - have fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 4:19pm
hi kat...it seems women can also view men as promiscuous and unworthy if they have sex on a first date.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 4:23pm
i think "slutty" is a harsh term to use tiana...some may feel a woman who bares her breasts and attempts to give her husbands friends hardons as "slutty" but i would hope they would have the courtesy not to call anyone names like that...

as for a man not seriously dating a woman who has sex with him on a first date, thats not true...i had sex on the 2nd date with my husband and i've known other couples who were impulsive sexually...to predict this guy will only want sex is ridiculas.

honey

    

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 5:24pm
Didn't say they couldn't. However, "promiscuous and unworthy" are your terms, not mine. The expectations of what is acceptable and proper behavior for a date can be quite different between men and women, even in this day and age.

Women know that it's a rare man who will turn down an opportunity to have sex, especially on a 1st date. But, many men still continue to hold women to a higher standard and judge them more harshly if they do the same. There are always exceptions though.

Just cautioning that the double standard still exists for many men doesn't mean that I agree with it.




Edited 6/28/2004 5:54 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 5:39pm
The OP is the one who used the term "slutty". I just agreed with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 6:36pm
Since most people will never reveal their true numbers, it's best to assume the worst to be safe. In other words, what if someone who has been having sex for five years and has always been a promiscuous/indiscriminate person suddenly decides that they're going to stop...and you happen to be one of the first people they've waited to have sex with? Are you going to assume that they've always been that way? The same goes for the opposite scenario....someone who's never had sex on a first date and has always waited, has sex with someone on the first date. Kind of puts everyone on the same playing field, doesn't it? Most people won't talk about their numbers, so you'll never know if you're the first or the 100th person they've slept with in ten years or not, so don't be so hard on yourself. However, if you don't feel good about what you did, your self-esteem will suffer in the long run. If you're not happy with your choices, change them. You have to love yourself, first and foremost.



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