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sex
| Mon, 05-09-2005 - 4:10pm |
I'm married man with two kids and wife, my wife seems to me never realy interested in sex any more this has been going on for about 7 years now or more not sure i lost trax.. when we do have sex she's seems no-interested or if interested she gets off 1st and wants to be done.. i want more.. she don't like getting on top, or changeing positions. i think she just wants to get it over with.. she works two jobs takes care of the kids and cleans.. but so do i do everything that she does and then some.. i work 50 to 60 hrs week and help with kids stuff and house stuff , i cook,clean,laundry,keep the carts clean, i also do gardening and what ever else that can be done, i don't drink or smoke, i have found that the only time she realy wants sex is if she was drunk then sex getts better then the normal.. what is wrong with me or her or ????? help signed very stressed out lonley man...

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Hi Junior. To me, your problem seems blantantly obvious - what you need is to reassess your lifestyle and priorties.
I also have two kids, and I can promise you that if I worked 2 jobs and my husband also worked 50 -60 hours per week - I'd be too exhausted to even comb my hair, let alone have sex. When do you get quality time together as a couple? How do you find time for the kids?
I understand that families need money, but there are ways to cut back so that you don't have to kill yourselves. My kids go to a fabulous public school and I buy my clothes at the goodwill store. We DO live in an expensive area - but if we had to work like you do to afford it, we'd sell and move somewhere cheaper.
Ever considered couples counseling? That's always a good option when the same issues keep cropping up in a marriage.
More than likely, something is going on with her that's affecting her desire. If the relationship is stressed outside the bedroom, for some reason, then it can affect what does or doesn't happen inside the bedroom.
IF you have an unresolved conflicts or issues between you, it would be a good idea to deal with those and see if there is an improvement. But you also must be realistic in your expectations. She just may not want sex as often as you do.
Well, after 7 years it'll be pretty ingrained behaviour and she'll be so used to it that the two of you will need a rocket under you to break whatever routines and behaviours that are causing this.
Fact: A busy lifestyle with kids uses up so much of your time and energy that it can often be very difficult to find time and energy for the one-on-one attention that a couple needs to have good and satisfying sex. You said that you let her do whatever she wants? Am I right in assuming that you stay at home with the kids while she goes out drinking and partying? That's the impression that I got.
And what exactly is the "trouble" that she gets herself into while she's doing this? While you have a right to expect her to "behave" herself, getting wild once in a while isn't a bad thing. If you give her grief about having a big night out, she's only going to feel pressured about that too - which leads to more friction between the two of you. Is there not something that you can do about this? How about going out together? Do you ever go out together? Or if she has nights out with girlfriends, agree on some ground rules - for example, be back at the time she says she'll return. If she's going to be heavily drinking it might be better if she arranges ahead of time to stay with a girlfriend for the night and be back home at an agreed time the next day.
If you sort out the problems and issues in the relationship then your sex life will probably naturally get better as the two of you relate to one another better.
Yes, I do have an active sex life with my DH. How do I get there? I make sure that I'm not too tired. I'm a SAHM and DH works a 45 hour week. We have loads of time for each other and for the kids. Having this time together allows us to cultivate our relationship and keep the fires burning.
If I was to have your lifestyle, I can absolutely promise you that I would NEVER want sex. I would be too damn tired.
Just elaborating a little further on my comment....
DH and I have a rule in our family: It's that the family comes first. When he is applying for a job, he will ask about overtime and travel. If both are frequent and will take away from time spent as a family, he will say "no".
Likewise, I've been contemplating taking on a part time job. DH is giving me full support, however he also insists that it must not take away from too much family time or make me too tired.
You see, it's that down time - just spent chatting, watching TV or sharing joint interests that keeps our desire alive. If I was never to see my DH, it would mean that we wouldn't have the time to cultivate our love. And without cultivated love, there is no desire. (At least, not on my part)
I once heard a quote that I loved: "Nobody ever layed on their deathbed and wished that they had spent more time at work"
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