Sex after kids - does it exist?
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Sex after kids - does it exist?
| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 3:00pm |
I love my DH very much but ever since the baby was born, one year ago, I have wanted nothing to do with sex.

Edited 5/18/2005 4:33 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Hi Michelle -
First, your daughter is beautiful! All of the kids are!
Second, I wanted to share a few links with you to help you know that you are not alone - and that can hopefully help you out a little bit!
Part of this is hormonal and part of it is your own expectations about your body but we can all relate, I'm sure. I know how I felt after giving birth both times and it's hard.
But give yourself a few more months (it can take up to 18 mos. to fully recover from childbirth) and take care of yourself physically and emotionally and you'll get through it.
Sometimes, though, you just have to grit your teeth and do it even when you can't get into it physically. Look at it as an investment in your future happiness together.
Wow, what beautiful children you have! And judging by the picture of yourself, you are beautiful and do not appear to be overweight.
I'm the kind of person who gets in and fixes the problem if possible. However, there are some limitations that you will need to be aware of. For example, being pregnant pushed my rib-cage out wider - and also my hips. So - no matter how much weight I loose, I will always be one size bigger post childbirth. So, while I do work at keeping the weight down - I'm aware of the reality that I'll never fit my pre-pregnancy clothes.
I'm wondering if you manage to find time to exercise that weight off? Getting out there to exercise will not only help the problem of your weight - but it will flood your brain with all those 'feel good' endorphins. And I'm thinking that you could really do with a dose of 'feeling good' about yourself.
good luck.
Wow! What beautiful kids! You are a very attractive lady yourself. I have read the responses you have so far. It's nice to hear from positive people!
After my two children, both by c-section, my body changed. My stomach has a scar, which is two cuts across. I had one rib fan out farther than the rest and it stayed that way. The rib is only noticeable when I do not have clothes on. I have accepted these beauty marks...you see I got them from a beautiful thing...my children.
I truly understand your feelings because I went through the same thing. I thought I would never be happy with myself again. It did take me about a year and a half before I started feeling like myself again. You are so busy with the baby that you don't have time for healing yourself. Spend some time alone. Write your thoughts, feelings, etc. in a journal...it truly helps get those feelings out.
Please try to remember that our bodies change throughout life. Would you love your husband less if his body changed? Remember the love you have for each other is for the WHOLE package, beauty inside and out. In time you will get back in shape, it might not be the same shape, but it will be something you are happy with.
Thank goodness you have a wonderful loving husband. Tell him your feelings and he might be able to help you get back the pre-baby status. You are doing the right thing reaching out and asking for help.
Good luck!
Hey there Mom to Sarah and Megan and Cristine and Justin! Hope the replies are helping you and anyone else out there who could benefit! Now, you're not the same one who emailed me about this topic recently, but here is what I posted about it on another part of the board:
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A lurker recently emailed asking about this subject, so here's some helpful links from IVillage about resuming sex after childbirth. Everybody feel free to add your own experiences.
4 Things You Need to Know about Sex after Baby
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nmomcare/0,,43vr,00.html?iv_arrivalSA=1&iv_cobrandRef=0&iv_arrival_freq=2
Sex and Self Esteem After Birth
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nmomcare/0,,lz_9dvn,00.html
Sex after baby: Do you really have to wait?
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nmomcare/0,,midwife_9p93,00.html
Reclaim your sex life after baby
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nmomcare/0,,43z4,00.html
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The feelings you have are pretty similar to what my wife had before I convinced her how perfectly PERFECTLY plump she was all along. These are feelings that exist even without the result of pregnancy, so I can only imagine how that and then childbirth would be along with the extra stress/emotions/schedule that hamper romance afterwards while trying to take care of the new one each time. Hopefully the replies here and the links to the articles really do help you.
Its true, we men out there actually do need in order to feel sexy at times too, just like the other way around, so don't let a lack of sex or even a lack of feeling sexy get you down so much. When the Mrs. here had medical problems years ago that REALLY made her feel unsexy for a long stretch of time, it was the same relationship we still had outside of sex all along that really helped us. Although each couple is different, hopefully you'll find similar blessings. :)
(PS: Thank you, Corrine!)
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