Sex and High Heels
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Sex and High Heels
| Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:33pm |
Hi all --
I recently had sex with my boyfriend for the first time (dating 4 months - both of us were virgins in our 30's). We've only have sex a couple of times, but both times he wanted me to wear a pair of high heels (he has loved my legs from day 1) during sex. I am not sure if I should tell him this makes me feel a bit inadequate (why does he need the shoes) since we've only been intimate a couple of times yet and I'm not sure if this is a true pattern. It's not that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him this, as we talk about pretty much everything. However, I'm not sure if I'm making an issue out of something that isn't there. I guess bottom line...is this normal? Do guys need/like/use props like this for sex? All the time? Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!!
I recently had sex with my boyfriend for the first time (dating 4 months - both of us were virgins in our 30's). We've only have sex a couple of times, but both times he wanted me to wear a pair of high heels (he has loved my legs from day 1) during sex. I am not sure if I should tell him this makes me feel a bit inadequate (why does he need the shoes) since we've only been intimate a couple of times yet and I'm not sure if this is a true pattern. It's not that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him this, as we talk about pretty much everything. However, I'm not sure if I'm making an issue out of something that isn't there. I guess bottom line...is this normal? Do guys need/like/use props like this for sex? All the time? Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!!
Emma

You need to ask him two questions....does he expect you to wear them EVERY time? And, can he perform without them?
It's pretty normal for men to have a favorite body part or two, but props each time? No, other than lingerie, we've never used anything other than silk scarves, etc. Since you feel concerned about the heels though, then you need to clarify what this interest is....a fetish or just highlighting your great legs.
It's possible that he may have a fetish about high heels. In which case he WILL want you to wear them every time because he can't get aroused the same or perform the same with the objects of the fetish present. It's early days yet, and you can just consider it a serious turn on for him at this stage. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it's a fetish just yet.
You said he "wanted" you to wear them. If you don't like wearing them, then tell him that. I certainly can't imagine wearing high heels in a bed...I'd be afraid of stabbing him, or getting caught in the bedding and doing damage to it or myself! You need to learn now that: 1.) You have the right to say no thank you, I'd rather not.....and 2.) a guy's ideas of sex might not agree with yours, but that doesn't make you inadequate, it makes you on a different page than he is.
Just tell him you're uncomfortable with the idea, and don't do it. He'll either have to deal with it.......or not.
Never had a problem with stabbing him or hurting myself
If you're uncomfortable about it, though, you two need to talk it over; you shouldn't be put in a position where you're doing things you don't like just for him. And if he can't, um, perform without them, he's got an honest-to-goodness fetish problem, and you two need to figure out how to deal with it. Good luck.