Sex and High Heels

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Sex and High Heels
10
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:33pm
Hi all --

I recently had sex with my boyfriend for the first time (dating 4 months - both of us were virgins in our 30's). We've only have sex a couple of times, but both times he wanted me to wear a pair of high heels (he has loved my legs from day 1) during sex. I am not sure if I should tell him this makes me feel a bit inadequate (why does he need the shoes) since we've only been intimate a couple of times yet and I'm not sure if this is a true pattern. It's not that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him this, as we talk about pretty much everything. However, I'm not sure if I'm making an issue out of something that isn't there. I guess bottom line...is this normal? Do guys need/like/use props like this for sex? All the time? Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!!

Emma

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:39pm
It's sexy, that's all. Nothing wrong with that at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:46pm
I would make it clear that you are not comfortabbe with this scenario every time you have sex if he keeps requesting it. Right now it may be that he just had a fantasy of having his first wear high heels but now that that has been fulfilled, you two need to see what works for BOTH of you. If you are not too comfortable with it, let him know. It is never too early to talk about something like this. And maybe you can even come up with a compromise as to how often and when you wear the shoes. I know for many men (mine included) "hooker boots" or other types of sexy shoes gives them a totally different kind of rush when they are having sex. But doing it everytime makes the rush fade and then it gets tiresome and boring. Then you fall into that sexual rut and a change is needed to get out of it. Mention this to him and get it all out in the open. Bring it up in a relaxed way so he doesn't feel like you are hounding him and he feels pressured. Then work it out that way. Good luck and let us know how it works out.
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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:07pm
I think it's important to speak up and be honest about anything that affects you or how you feel about intimacy with your guy. This is your sex life, too, so he needs to know that the request makes you feel a little funny.

You need to ask him two questions....does he expect you to wear them EVERY time? And, can he perform without them?

It's pretty normal for men to have a favorite body part or two, but props each time? No, other than lingerie, we've never used anything other than silk scarves, etc. Since you feel concerned about the heels though, then you need to clarify what this interest is....a fetish or just highlighting your great legs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:23pm
It does seem a little strange that he wanted you to wear the heels the first time you've had sex. Having said that props and clothing etc. can be powerfully stimulating for guys (and girls). Just look at the effect lingerie can have on a grown man! I'd be clear from the start with your feelings about this. Wearing heels occasionally is fine as far as I'm concerned, but you're right. If it was all the time it'd get a bit old and odd for you fast and make you feel it was about the props, not you.

It's possible that he may have a fetish about high heels. In which case he WILL want you to wear them every time because he can't get aroused the same or perform the same with the objects of the fetish present. It's early days yet, and you can just consider it a serious turn on for him at this stage. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it's a fetish just yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:45pm
It sounds like he has a shoe fetish. You'll have to admit that a 30 year old male "virgin" is unusual, to say the least. It sounds like he's been fantasizing since puberty (like 15 years) and his fantasy included women wearing high heeled shoes. This isn't exactly common, but it's not unheard of either. This has nothing to do with you, or your adequacy....it has to do with him equating sex with high heels. You, or anyone else.

You said he "wanted" you to wear them. If you don't like wearing them, then tell him that. I certainly can't imagine wearing high heels in a bed...I'd be afraid of stabbing him, or getting caught in the bedding and doing damage to it or myself! You need to learn now that: 1.) You have the right to say no thank you, I'd rather not.....and 2.) a guy's ideas of sex might not agree with yours, but that doesn't make you inadequate, it makes you on a different page than he is.

Just tell him you're uncomfortable with the idea, and don't do it. He'll either have to deal with it.......or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 12:52am
I liket o wear stripper shoes (or shoes u see porn stars wear in films) for my bf sometimes when we do it. It give it that extra naughty feeling
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 2:54pm
about sex and high heels,I asked my B.F.whom is feet lover ,he said that the high heels is exposing the engorged veins in the feet which it is very sexy and making the feet lovers excited .however ,my advice to you is your B.F. is ashamed to kiss your feet but he is in need to do to injoy himself encouge him to do let him to smell your feet you will let him to know himself as feet lover .
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 7:15pm
My dh loves high heels. I dont always wear them, but when I do, we both get the extra enjoyment. I can see it on his face and feel it down there. I get the extra pleasure because he is sooo into it, and I feel a little sleazy...which is an okay release in a long term relation...as long as he still treats me like a princess out in public, and in private, I dont mind being a little sleazy in the bed.

Never had a problem with stabbing him or hurting myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2000
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 10:43am
Most all men react to a woman in slinky lingerie, the heels just add to that. When you're standing, it puts a nice curve in the legs. In bed, I guess the image is a woman in a hurry to get to it ("don't waste time taking them off, just *do* me").

If you're uncomfortable about it, though, you two need to talk it over; you shouldn't be put in a position where you're doing things you don't like just for him. And if he can't, um, perform without them, he's got an honest-to-goodness fetish problem, and you two need to figure out how to deal with it. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 12:44pm
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