Sex with a co worker
Find a Conversation
Sex with a co worker
| Fri, 06-17-2005 - 7:03pm |
I've been working at my current job for about a year. I've always had an attraction to my boss. He's very handsome and also very married, as am I. Over the last months our conversations would escalate into sex and all things involving sex. But we never said that we had any of those feelings toward each other. Things have always been flirtatious and I enjoy the attention but thinking that we're both married that that would be as far as it would go...or so I thought. I found myself staying late at the office while my husband was out of town. I was ready to leave his office and a conversation was started. A few long stares and he had his hands on me. And then they were all over me. Even though I pushed for more, he stopped me and said "I'm married". I can't imagine how someone could get so worked up and get the other person so worked up and just stop and say "Sorry, I'm married." I've been an emotional wreck ever since it happened. But I couldn't possibly be in love with him, but it hurts as though I was. Any comments?

Pages
Actually, I'm curious what 'your' thoughts would be if this were your hubby & another lady. Discussions of sex as a group is one thing I suppose, but 'alone' with someone of the opposite gender is a bit far.
With a co-worker or boss or ANYone that you maintain constant contact with, again, its too far. Same goes for flirting, espeically with any guy you maintain constant contact with. Every sign you needed to tell you that this could be trouble, it sounds like you ignored because you like this guy. He looks nice, talks nice, IS nice...
Sure, you may not be in love, but you sound infatuated anyway. He simply came to his senses at the time, and yes he may actually treat you more cautiously as a result...hopefully you BOTH will be more careful to avoid being alone so much, if at all anymore.
Only thought I have is how long it will take before your marriage is affected. If you had the means, it'd be best to break all contact with him, even if it meant a different job. Don't know what anyone can really tell ya.
C H A R A C T E R
<<I can't imagine how someone could get so worked up and get the other person so worked up and just stop and say "Sorry, I'm married.">>
Ummm, because they love their spouse and realized that they didn't want to ruin their marriage adn possibly their life by letting physical passion overhwelm them.
While it would have been better not to get worked up in the first place, it's a GOOD thing he stopped it from happening.
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
He probably saw it for what it was and doesn't want to destroy his marriage over a fling.
You're upset because you feel "rejected". You're also very lucky, because if it had continued, you'd be writing about your guilt, not your rejection.
You're playing a very dangerous game here. This man isn't a co-worker, he's your BOSS. The others seem to think he was very noble for stopping it at the last minute, and I'm not sure I agree with them. I think he was testing you....and it'll happen again...and this time he won't be so "noble". And if you reject HIM, it could cost you your job.
Unless you intend to have an affair with the man, I think you need to start looking for another job. If you find one, don't discuss sex with your co-workers. You've put yourself in a very bad position.
You may not be in love with him but you're married, not dead, and it IS possible to have strong feelings and attraction towards another person. After all, when you were dating, you probably found various guys quite attractive all the time. It's not surprising that you've bumped into a guy (that happens to be your boss) that you find very attractive. But this is what marriage is about, you made a commitment to be faithful to that person that you married.
It seems that it's definitely been building up to this point for a long time but it's certainly a good thing that he managed to stop himself when his guilt kicked in. It's better to be upset and torn apart about a near miss than it is to have actually cheated and having to deal with those stronger feelings of guilt and betrayal.
You need to have a good hard think about what this is doing to your marriage. As someone already mentioned, how would you feel if it were your husband doing this to you?
Maybe it's a good thing that there wasn't sex this time? Gives you time to sort yourself out. I also think that you will have to look for another job. Situations like this rarely work out peacefully and easily. Too much tension between the two of you or a sure-fire way to wreck your marriage. Which is more important to you?
IF you love your DH, then you need to find another job. This is a trainwreck waiting to happen.
Your boss apparently has a conscience and doesn't want to ruin his marriage. IF you want to preserve yours as well, then start job hunting. This isn't a healthy environment.
I'm sure this may seem a little strange to most of you out there but I don't believe in feeling guilty about anything. You only live once and if by doing what I do ruins what I have or it doesn't, then it shows me what was really meant to be. Living guilt free has always been a way of life for me. I have no regrets.
<
>>but I don't believe in feeling guilty about anything.<<
I'm not going to slam you for saying that but I am just going to point out, as a couple of the others have, how that is a very selfish statement. It would be fine to say that if you weren't married. A single girl can bounce through life relatively guilt-free, doing what she wants. But when you start to involve other people like you husband (for example), that makes you statement a very selfish thing.
A couple of us asked how you would feel if this had been your husband getting involved with one of his secretaries or colleagues. How would you feel about that? If you are OK with that little scenario then you should consider talking to your husband and telling him that you are OK with it. If you are going to think that it is OK to get intimate with men other than your husband and try to initiate sex with them, don't you think that your husband should be aware of that?
Living guilt-free has it's advantages, but it will also leave a trail of upset and devastated people behind you.
As for sticking with the job you have? Well, that's your choice. You may have come to a decision about what to do, but you can't control what your boss is thinking. What happens if he decides in a month's time that he could cheat on his wife? Will you be able to resist him if, this time, he is the one that is persistant and wants to initiate sex?
I don't think that you should just dismiss this as a one-off thing, shrug your shoulders and say to yourself "Hey, guilt-free, that's the way to go". I think that you should give it a little more thought and think about the consequences and the feelings of other people.
Pages