Sex with a co worker

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Sex with a co worker
18
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 7:03pm
I've been working at my current job for about a year. I've always had an attraction to my boss. He's very handsome and also very married, as am I. Over the last months our conversations would escalate into sex and all things involving sex. But we never said that we had any of those feelings toward each other. Things have always been flirtatious and I enjoy the attention but thinking that we're both married that that would be as far as it would go...or so I thought. I found myself staying late at the office while my husband was out of town. I was ready to leave his office and a conversation was started. A few long stares and he had his hands on me. And then they were all over me. Even though I pushed for more, he stopped me and said "I'm married". I can't imagine how someone could get so worked up and get the other person so worked up and just stop and say "Sorry, I'm married." I've been an emotional wreck ever since it happened. But I couldn't possibly be in love with him, but it hurts as though I was. Any comments?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 8:58pm
I'm just a very different type of person than anyone who has posted a reply. I guess that if you all believe it makes me selfish by not having guilt, then so be it. I've never liked the feeling of guilt and therefore I have refused to ever feel it. Like I said before, our personalities are something that no one knows and therefore cannot make judgement upon that without having that kind of inside information. I was hoping to find someone out there who could understand this and see it from a different aspect. I guess my situation is just something I can take as I wish and do what I wish with it. Once you've been married for a while the passion dwindles and we both felt passion that night. I enjoyed it while it lasted and if it happens again, so be it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 9:10pm

>>Once you've been married for a while the passion dwindles and we both felt passion that night. I enjoyed it while it lasted and if it happens again, so be it.<<

I think that we're playing posting-tag and got out of sync. You won't have seen my other post before I post this.

OK, fine. You are a different person from the rest of us. But is your husband a different person too? Isn't it unfair to him to do this behind his back? Isn't that what marriage is about - NOT hiding things like this from one another?

If you can tell your husband about your views of living guilt-free and give him an example of situations where that might apply, and he's OK with it, then fine. Everything is good.

But if you can't tell him that this near-affair has happened then No, I don't think that you can or should choose to live guilt-free. You are lying to your husband at the moment. You are intimate with other men without his knowledge or permission. That's a pretty big thing to hide from your spouse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 9:16pm

The passion only dwindles when you allow it to dwindle.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 10:37pm
Get a new job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 4:53am
Some how ,some where , something has happened to this ladies ability to draw from her conscience...Thats because she has none. She blocks the little voice from deep with-in that tells us what we are doing is right or wrong...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 9:30am

You're right......you're a different type of person than most who post here...you're a Sociopath! Definition of a Sociopath? One who has no conscience. One who has no empathy for others. One who does exactly what they want to do, and the rest of the world be damned. By your own words: "I'm sure this may seem a little strange to most of you out there but I don't believe in feeling guilty about anything. You only live once and if by doing what I do ruins what I have or it doesn't, then it shows me what was really meant to be. Living guilt free has always been a way of life for me. I have no regrets."

You may have no regrets, but how about the people whose lives you destroy? How about your boss (whom I'm seeing in a whole different light now!)? He's married, and probably has children. You managed to "get him going", but evidently HE has a conscience, and he stopped it.

I noticed that you've been asked several times how you'd feel if your husband did this, and you ignored that. You don't mind "ruining" what you have....and obviously don't mind ruining what your husband has (or thinks he has) or what your Boss has. You may go thru life taking what you want with no guilt or regrets, but how about the people around you who DO have feelings and regrets, that you've dragged down with you? Oh, I forgot, you have no "empathy".....the ability to feel for or understand the pain of others.

"I've never liked the feeling of guilt and therefore I have refused to ever feel it." That's a wonderful ability, that MOST of us never achieve. Therefore, we avoid situations that would cause guilt, or that would cause others pain or guilt.

Good luck....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 11:07am

tkeith,

This that you have to live freely without any guilt, even when it comes to infidelity and all...

...well, if you didn't sacrifice that right and that part of your life for the purpose of honoring your pledge in marriage, then why did you pledge that in the first place?

Furthermore, if that isn't the type of commitment that your husband was expecting from you, then shouldn't you think about letting him go? Doesn't your non-guilt make him no less than simply a boyfriend rather than an actual husband you pledged commitment to?

I'm trying to not be confused...may need your help on that. Still hope things work out for you AND hubby though.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 1:13pm
And that usually happens because of hurt or anger. She needs to take look at her rationalization of her actions. Hers are the words and actions of a wounded person.

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