Sex * Education*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sex * Education*
3
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:41am
My parents never had the "sex" talk with me. I guess they left it up to eighth grade sex Ed class! (wow, there's a fountain of knowledge) My curiosity started a lot earlier than that though. I found my mom's vibrator under my parent's bed when I was in 4th grade and started masterbating with it every chance I got. I don't even think I knew what an orgasm was and I was having multiple ones before I got to middle school! Then there was a book I found on the bookshelf called "Thy Neighbors Wife". I learned A LOT about orgies and adultry from that little book. Same early age.

I lost my virginity at 17 to a jerk who I let control me. I let him do things to me that I now wish I had not. Like a lot of young girls, I confused sex with love and got really burned. 14 sex partners later, I was unable to have an orgasm with a man, only masterbating. It wasn't until after 2 or three years of marriage that I was able to orgasm through oral sex. Now it's no problem to come 2 or 3 times a go that way.

I'm looking back and wondering how my lack of useful information could have changed my attitude about sex. If I respected myself better, I wouldn't have torn through relationship after relationship and maybe my thoughts about my own sexuality would be more positive and less self sacrificing. I'm wondering how many of those relationships were doomed because of my screwed up views about sex.

What was your "education" like growing up? Do you think it had any good or bad effects on your sex life now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
In reply to: adaemi
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 9:08am
I think my "education" about sex was quite good. My mother was always very open to talk aobut it. She figured if we talked about it enough, we wouldn't do the deed. LOL, yeah, she was right with that!! **SARCASM** As for it effecting my sex life now, it really had nothing to do with it. She could only educate us (my sisters and I) on things that she had experienced and gone through. And honestly, she has/had a pretty boring sex life. Of course times have changed and sex isn't what it was 30 years ago. Everyone is much more open about it, for the most part, and having several partners isn't looked down upon quite as much anymore. At least it's not around here. Although I wish some things could have happened differently (don't we all at one point or another?), I would not trade it for all that I have learned out of it for anything.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to: adaemi
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 9:34am
I don't think that if my parents told me not to, that I would've listened anyway! (Never listened to anything else they told me, LOL) But I guess I wish I could have had someone tell me that sex is supposed to be enjoyed by both people and to not compromise myself for (false) affection from others. My parents had a lousy sex life and I think my mom was abused when she was young. Dad left mom for another woman when I started college and I used that resentment (to dad for doing it, and mom for putting up with it) to control men with sex, even though I didn't enjoy it. I guess it was a power thing with me.

anyway, I have vowed to be more open with my girls about sex. Not telling them everything I've done, but telling them it's much better to wait and find someone who cares about how it feels to you. I don't want them hurting men like I did.

I suppose my struggles will benefit my girls in the long run.

Avatar for debra1016
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: adaemi
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 10:05am
This is an interesting question. I also had an early curiosity about sex and I must have been around 9 or 10 when I started touching myself pretty regularly. My parents never had a sex talk with me. I guess I just learned about it from friends in school. There were always lots of dirty magazines around my house and my father would openly read them in front of us. I was always curious and when no one was around I would take them to my room and look at them. Maybe this is where I learned about sex, I don't know. When I got older I found the dirty movies and I'd watch them. On the other hand when I was a teenager, all I remember is my mother telling us not to have sex because she got pregnant at 17 and she didn't want us to go through that. So, here I was living in a house where sexual material was easily available, but I was told not to have sex. It was weird. I didn't have sex until I was 20, but only because I didn't have the opportunity to. Throughout my adolesence, I couldn't wait to do it. And once, I did, forget it, I was doing it with everyone. I guess I wish my parents would have just talked to me about it and instead of telling me not to do it, stress how important and special it is. Maybe I wouldn't have taken it so lightly. Once my mom figured out I was having sex, she did take me to the gynocologist to go on the pill and told me to use condoms. Which was good, because I needed to do that.

Of course, looking back, I have regrets about my behavior, but the past is the past, and I can't change it. I know I will make sure my children have more of an education and feel open to talk to me about it.