sex feels neutral

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
sex feels neutral
1
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 6:48pm
Hi, I am 21 and relatively new to having sex I have been with my boyfriend for six months and before him I had very little experience. He has had several girlfriends before me and therefore more experienced then myself. The problem is I have yet to have an orgasm. This bothers both me and my boyfriend. B/c he wants to please me and I want to come. He complains that I am not vocal enough about what I like, for example when he is going down on me he doesn’t know what to do b/c I don’t give much feedback. Which is true. But the thing is nothing he does feels that great. It just feels neutral. Sex is the same way. When ever I imagined oral or hand action before I actually got it I imagined it feeling a lot better. (based on how other people describe it should feel amazing.) And so I don’t know how to be vocal about what I like, if I don’t know myself what I like. And the thing is I don’t think that it is him not knowing what he is doing b/c everything I have read on oral/hand sex he does. It just doesn’t seem to feel that great at least not good enough to reach orgasm. I do masturbate and I can reach orgasm. The thing is I only know how to do it one way and I can’t see how I can transfer it over to help during sex. b/c I don‘t know what it is that actually is making me orgasm (basically I sit on my hand and straddle the arm of a chair or a sofa) I don’t use a vibrator, play with my clit or anything else that normally people use to masturbate. And I have tried it different ways and it never seems to work as well. I don’t know what to do to help him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 7:06pm

I've had similar experience. When I first started masturbate (really young like early to mid-teens), I didn't rub my clitoris directly, I would do it by trapping something (like sheets or blanket or pillow) between my legs and hump it or pull on it, so funny now I think about it.. :o) Anyways, that caused a more "subtle orgasm", later on I started masturbating by directly rubbing my clitoris with my right middle finger (yes, I'm very particular about it) and this causes a much stronger orgasm. Basically, like you, I need a very specific stimulation to orgasm clitorally. My hubby has only given me orgasm with his hand very few times, and even oral doesn't always do it for me. We tried different positions of oral, and found the 69 position with him on top the most effective. Now I can orgasm almost everytime we get in that position.

I would suggest try masturbate by rubbing your clitoris directly and try different positions with your bf. A very good book: The Wild Guide to Sex and Loving, by Siobhan Kelly. It covers a wide range of topics, including masturbation.