Sex Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Sex Help
4
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 9:44pm
ok so heres the thing, my Boy Friend and I have been together for almost 2 yrs now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: sierra1007
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 11:58pm

He can't get erections, you don't have orgasms.......are you sure you're in the right relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
In reply to: sierra1007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 12:37am

Hi there....you dont mention your ages...so I am going to guess that you are not in your 30's or 40's.

cl-sandif2008
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: sierra1007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 10:22am

Welcome to the board, Sierra.

I'm inclined to agree with what the others have already posted here. Are you masturbating and able to have an orgasm during that time? If not, then that's where you should start.

Know Thyself: The Female Form 101
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,traceycox_b6vtmjv3,00.html

Masturbation 101: 6 Tips for Solo Pleasure
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,drpatti_mskn,00.html

If you are able to have orgasms during masturbation, or if you were previously able to have them during partnered sex, then it's probably time for the two of you to have a talk, outside of the bedroom. Look at what else is going on in your relationship that might be a problem ... and think about what's not happening in the bedroom. Having to "perform" can create a lot of anxiety, and it sounds like both of you are suffering from that. You will both need to do your part to make things work -- which begins with both of you being honest in your communication and both of you being active participants in trying to experiment with new things.

Faking orgasms is a no-win situation. First off, if & when he discovers this, it will break down his trust in you. It will add to any performance anxiety he might feel. Orgasms are great, but they are not the only pleasurable thing about sex, so stop putting so much emphasis on them. Get connected, and honest with each other, and then move on to try and meet your goal. This takes time, and neither of you should be putting pressure on the other to perform. A great site to check out is www.the-clitoris.com. You might want him to check it out too as it provides a lot of information about how your body works and reacts to sexual stimulation.

Here are a few articles that might give you some insight into what's keeping you from having orgasms:

"Why are my orgasms more intense during masturbation?"
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/carnal/qas/0,,638353_634298,00.html

The Dire Truth about Conventional Orgasms
An excerpt from "Unleashing her G-Spot Orgasm"
http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/0,,9w9z10xq,00.html

Why can’t I have an Orgasm?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,drruth_qr4q,00.html

Lastly, just as he shouldn't be pressuring you about having orgasms, you shouldn't be placing guilt on him about his erection issues. It is very possible that it's anxiety related. If that's the case, then as things smooth out between the two of you, it will get better. Worrying about it will certainly cause him more problems than not. If it doesn't seem to be temporary or because of anxiety, then he should discuss it with his doctor. ED (Erectile Dysfunction) can be a sign of other health problems. Here are a couple of articles about that:

How Stuff Works: Erectile Dysfunction
http://health.howstuffworks.com/how-erectile-dysfunction-works2.htm

iVillage Total Health: Erectile Dysfunction Affects 18 Million US Men
http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/diet-fitness/erectile-dysfunction-affects-18-million-us-men.html

Keep us posted on how things are going for you. You might find more questions you want to ask along the way too.


















iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
In reply to: sierra1007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 8:22pm
Thank you all so much I am very pleased with what each of you had to say. I appreciate the help and the tips, I will keep theses in mind and hopefully I get some results. thank you once again :)