Sex, Infatuation, and Guys--HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sex, Infatuation, and Guys--HELP
2
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 10:15pm
To make a long story short, I began hooking up with a coworker (at a bar) a year ago. I felt very guilty about it when it first started (a drunken hookup) because I knew that he had had strong feelings for me for sometime and I wasn't sure how I felt about him. I am extremely independent and I don't fall into relationships very easily. In fact, they scare me. I ended up leaving my bartending job because I didn't want things to develop any further between us. I have been to the bar a handful of times over the past 9 months and each time he has told me how much he misses me and how he still thinks about me everyday. The last time that I saw him he basically told me he was in love with me, I ended up having sex with him when we were both very drunk. It was a huge mistake on my part but it just happened. This was a little over two months ago and I have not seen or spoken to him since. I have purposely avoided him because I felt that it was a huge mistake when it happened but lately I have found myself thinking about him alot and really missing him. It clicked with me that I actually do have feelings for him and that I have been denying them for all of this time. My question is--now that he has finally had sex with me, does he still feel the same way for me? Or since he finally "caught" me has he moved on? He was infatuated with me for a year and a half and i realize that it takes me a long time to make up my mind but it has been a difficult situation. Does that infatuation wear off after a guy finally gets the sex?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 9:11am
There's no possible way that anyone but your former coworker can know exactly how he feels right now. He probably feels pretty bad that you simply disappeared like that. If you want to know, then call him up and apologize for your bad behavior and ask if he'd like to get together. Then you'll know for sure if he still has any interest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 7:09pm

>>Does that infatuation wear off after a guy finally gets the sex?<<

Short answer is "No". Infatuation isn't something that you turn on and off at the flick of an orgasm. He may have become more infatuated. He may be the same. And Yes, he might be less infatuated now that he "bagged" you. Noone can say what it's done for his infatuation level except him.

Time and no contact and a lack of reciprocal interest is the biggest killer of infatuation. He may have finally realised that you don't feel the same way about him and he has finally moved on. Frankly I would question your motives. I can't see why you've suddenly decided that you might actually like the guy after so long. I'm suspicious. Are you sure that you aren't just horny and lonely and settling for this guy because he was the last one to give you some serious attention - and sex?