the sex isnt great what do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
the sex isnt great what do I do?
5
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:40am
I am involved with some one right now

and he is an incredible man

he is very considerate and sweet and has a great sense of humor

he is successful and just a good man

the problem is

the first time we had sex, well............

it wasnt that great, and I almost didnt feel anything

I dont know how to react to him

I am hoping maybe next time it will be better

is there anything I can do to possibly enjoy it a little more?

please help
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:58am
Hi,

Sex gets better and better the longer you are together. You learn each other's likes and dislikes, and you feel more and more free to express your desires.

I would not worry about first time sex being bland. Give it some time and communicate in a fun, nonjudgmental way.

Peace.

Scott.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 12:07pm
Did you spend enough time in foreplay so that you were sufficiently aroused before intercourse? Did you ask for the stimulation you need to become aroused? IF not, then that's part of the reason it was less than satisfactory for you. Nerves, excessive concern and focus on HIS experience, etc. can also dampen your own physical pleasure.

Scott is right that it takes time to learn to please a new partner since one way of making love doesn't "fit all."

Don't be hesitant to ask for what you need to enjoy sex though because nothing pleases a good man than knowing he's pleasing his partner. Relax....time, experience with each other and good communication will solve most of your initial problems. Good luck!


Edited 6/23/2004 4:15 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 2:09pm
Unless you have very magnetic chemistry, the first go around can be awkward and unsure. That's probably all it was. Give yourselves time to get to know each others' bodies and what each of you are use to and like. Then go from there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 5:22pm
The first time with anyone new is usually NOT earth moving! He doesn't know what you like, you don't know what he likes, and neither of you said anything, I guess.

If it continues to be "not so great", then it's time to start talking. You tell him what you'd like him to do, and what you don't like him to do.....and ask him what you can do for him, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 6:39pm
I've been with a few men in my life and the "first time" was awkward and a real "getting to know" you funny stage. But with my husband, our first time was electric! I think it was because he is an older man and really was focused on taking his time - that and the chemistry - we have a lot of that magic.


Edited 6/23/2004 6:48 pm ET ET by tiana_rose