Sex, me and my b/f.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sex, me and my b/f.
5
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 3:05pm
OK, I love my b/f very much. We been together for a year now. I know sex doesn't make a relationship, but I think I have a problem. I think my sex drive is higher than my b/f's. I can't remember the last time we got intimate. I wanted to lastnight at his house but he didn't want to. The last time we did, it didn't go well. He couldn't keep an erection and kept slipping out of me. If he has a condom on, sometimes, it slipps off also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 3:58pm

Have you tried telling him about all of these things that you're noticing and how they make you feel? That might be the best way to try to get back on track.

As far as you not feeling like touching yourself, it could be because you're feeling rejected. That can affect your libido. As far as him not feeling like having sex, how much time does he spend watching porn and masturbating? I think porn is great, but not if it replaces a healthy sex life with your partner. It may be that his use is, or that he's masturbating too frequently.

Try talking with him like you have written here. Ask that he let you finish talking before he tries to answer or defend anything that you're saying. That way, you won't get side-tracked. Of course, it's better to use "I" language than "you" language when you talk to him. Saying things like "I miss having sex with you" vs. "You never want to have sex" can go a long way towards keeping him from shutting down or becoming defensive.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 12:48am
is he possibly self conscious about himself? maybe how "good" he is in bed or something?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 9:38pm
Well we did have sex lastnight. I'm not sure if he did it just to make me happy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 10:40pm

Sounds like you already know what the problem is. I think the porn is affecting your relationship. He is having a hard time separating the two. Talk to him but if he is not willing to change some if his porn activity then maybe he is just someone who would rather masturbate to porn than be with a real woman. Guys like that do exist. Hopefully that is not the case here. Good luck.

Fred

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 7:33am

Sex frequency varies for each couple, and a lot of different factors can contribute to that. If you're not happy with the frequency, then the two of you need to sit down and talk about what's going on, and see if you can come to a compromise that works for both of you.

Here are a couple of articles that you might want to review:

The Truth About Men and Masturbation
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/0,,drpatti_23n7,00.html

Just the Three of Us: Me, You, and Porn
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,michon_8h342924,00.html

If you do think your guy has a problem with porn, then you might want to visit the board:

Pornography & Your Relationship
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlhtporn

There are people on every side of the porn opinion on that board, and it can get a bit heated. If you want to get an idea if your relationship is in trouble because of porn, you might want to start by reading through some of the threads in the top folder there. Jazz (the CL, jazznpercy), does a great job -- if you post, I'm sure you will find her to be very helpful.