sex with new boyfriend
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sex with new boyfriend
| Wed, 08-17-2005 - 8:52am |
So I had sex with my new man for the first time last night! And first let me say, wow, is it different to sleep with someone you truly care about. :)
Anyway, we had talked previously and we were both STD tested before we got together, and we're all clear as far that goes. And we discussed being exclusive (honestly I'm going to marry him someday). Well, we never discussed birth control, although I'm on the pill. So anyway, last night he unloads inside me! Not that I minded, but considering he never asked if I was on the pill and he didn't use a condom, I was just very surprised.
Any thoughts????

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I said that and my partners always came INSIDE me. I assumed, and apparently they did too, that if we knew each other well enough to actually HAVE sex, it was ok for him to finish sex the usual way. I*never* had a partner who just whipped it out at the last moment and starting splattering my chest the first time. But I also can't recall a guy, even a 16 year old, who didn't ask if I was on the pill.
Where did you read that I said he couldn't come IN me???
The withdrawal method has about a 27% failure rate with typical use, and a 4% chance with perfect use. I guess you could say that withdrawing probably has a lower rate than not(a few sperm as opposed to millions of sperm), but the fact is, is that it only takes ONE sperm to get pregnant, and so you're in fact, playing russian roulette.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/files/portal/medicalinfo/birthcontrol/pub-birth-control-02.xml
Edited 8/19/2005 1:49 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
> I would think she would say, talk about the BC issue before you get naked with someone.
Sort of like discussing bank account balances before eating at a restaurant. It's nice but don't think it happens all that often. With a new partner while getting naked for sex, talk about BC, where to ejaculate, shallow or deep, what positions to avoid, etc. Does that happen often?
I was the guy who said, in that newness situation, it is proper etiquette during first encounter to ask the lady for permission before ejaculating inside her. She may already have a few thousand wigglers inside from the precum, but that's far distant from providing her 300 million more and plenty of male fluid to lower the PH of her vagina so they can remain alive a while. Maybe she has a ob/gyn appt. the next day.
I cannot understand why you were suprised? Birth Control (BC) is both of yours respondsibility and you cannot expect him the shoulder the responsbility. If he did not initiate the discussion then you should have. Granted it is not one of the more easier conversations to have but it is a shared responsibility. After speaking with my DH about assumptions men have about sex. He said that in the heat of the moment many men assume if a woman does not ask him to use a condom then she is on sometime type of bc (e.g. pill, depo, diaphragm, ect). Not to mention if she allows him to penetrate then the assumption is made that it is all right for him to come in her. If you did not want him to do that then you should have mentioned it to him.
Communication is simply that communication and you cannot build assumptions into it. Once you start building assumption you begin to make an ASS out of yoU and ME (captial letters spell the word assume the root word for assumption). It then no longer becomes communication but a complex dance that is frought with unknown because at any time the rules can change without the other knowing. Hence building in arguments and ultimately relatinship failure.
My recommendation would be to take it slow and discuss things with him. If you start building in assumptions into the relationship then you only have yourself to blame if something goes wrong.
I dunno, I can only speak for myself. Every guy I was ever with asked if I was on the pill, before we had sex. *Every* guy. A couple - including DH (before he was DH) asked several times. I'm not talking about position, where to ejaculate, shallow, etc. I'm talking about NOT bringing another human being into this world unless you are ready and can care for him/her properly!!!
If it doesn't happen all that often with most people, no wonder we've got so many kids running around who don't even know their fathers. It is incomprehensible to me that people who don't know each other well enough to ask "Are you on BC/do you have condoms?" apparently do not think twice about the possibility of creating a child together. In this day and age of easy accessible BC, it's unforgivable to me. I've seen too many children whom neither partner really planned on or want, or intend to take care of.
I just figured, in the case of the OP, if you've talked about STDs and gotten tested, and you're planning on marrying the guy, surely there's been an opportunity to talk about BC too.
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