SEX outside your relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
SEX outside your relationship?
7
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 10:51pm
Do you ever feel like you want to go outside your relationship to feel supported, either emotionally, sexually, or financially?
I think there are definetely times when my boyfriend just doesn't give me all that I think I need and deserve...
Do any other women ever feel like that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 11:19pm

Of course there are women who think about that, and there are women who DO it.....It's called cheating.

If your relationship isn't giving you what you need and want and deserve, wouldn't it be better to try to fix it, or if it's unfixable, then end it?

Why stay in a relationship that's not giving you what you need?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:39pm

Hi talkla1:

YES! It can go both ways; my wife would RATHER be with her friends THAN me!

Mac

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 3:38pm

With me and Dh, the answer is no.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for luvnut8
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 6:58pm

Absolutely. I've felt that way for a very long time. When my ex bf and I were together, the first 6 mos to a year were awesome... but then as time went on i felt like the girlfriend on the shelf collecting dust and was taken totally forgranted. I met someone that was emotionally available to me and started becoming everything that I wanted my ex to be... and I realized that when i was with this guy, i felt like a million bucks and was happy while my ex made me feel like i wasnt worth it. Unfortunately, I did go outside my relationship emotionally, sexually, financially - everything you said. But it was for the best.
To make a long story short, we broke up 3 weeks ago after 4.5 years. It was hard but you know what? I feel so relieved and better about myself. Thanks to this guy that I met I was able to see that there IS better out there whether its him or not - the point is SOMEONE out there is going to be everything i want them to be. I still talk to this guy by the way... he is awesome :) He makes me feel wanted and he goes out of HIS way for ME and puts me first. Its unlike anything I've ever experienced with my ex.
So sadly, yeah i felt that way and i acted on it but it was for the better cuz I realize that i was just trapped in unhappiness, although I was happy sometimes, overall it was the right thing to do - get out.

DITCH YOUR BOYFRIEND, it'll be hard, but you'll feel so much better. There is someone out there waiting to make your life fabulous. Also - read the book "Hes just not that into you" - what a slap in the face it was for me!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 8:14pm

I think that you need to re-evaluate what you want in a relationship, and how realistic your expectations are.

If you decide that you are simply not getting your basic desires and needs met, then yeah, you probably need to think about ending the relationship or working at it to get what you want. I can't see any benefit to staying in the unsatisfactory relationship and cheating on your partner.

Anyway, I honestly I can't see how you can get financial support from another man without having to have sex or get emotionally involved either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 12:47pm
I personally don't feel the need to go outside my marriage for other support. I get all that I want and need from dh. I would suggest that you do some soul searching and find out what you are really looking for in a relationship.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 1:52pm

Support? Encouragement, companionship? Yes. I get a different kind of support and encouragement from my GF's than from my DH. More maternal, maybe. And I think it's always wise to build as wide a support system of friends and family as you can. You can never have enough, IMO. And your spouse may not always be there.

But sex? Absolutely not.

Men and women can be very different in their needs but we ALL need companionship from friends and family to provide those things that an opposite sex partner may not be able to.

I don't believe one person can, or should attempt to be all things to a partner. And I don't think we should put pressure on our partner to be all things to us.

I get a different kind of support, etc. from female friends and family than I get from my DH. But they're both very important to me.

Turning to a male friend for encouragement, support or sex, things I can get at home, would be a big no-no for me.




Edited 8/29/2005 2:06 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001