Is sex for procreation alone?
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Is sex for procreation alone?
| Sat, 08-25-2007 - 7:58pm |
My wife of 5 years thinks so. We have only made love when we wanted to have our two children. I used to think that this would change. But it has not.
I have a very high libido. I try to channelise by working very hard at my job, at home, with children, cleaning, cooking, washing, anything that keeps me occupied. Yet sometimes I get aroused, but feel guilty when I masturbate.
I dont want to destroy my family or hurt the innocent children. Are there any chemicals that can reduce the libido? Because sub-consciously I do resent my wife.

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Oh wow,
Your post made me very sad.
Members you have been amazing with the response and ideas for him.
Problems in marriage makes a person a philosopher or a very confused person. I am both :).
One honest question, silly in a way, does a woman really enjoy sex or does she just go through the motions to satisfy her partner, though she wouldnt be doing it if she had a choice.
where does one draw a line between marital rape and making one's wife to have sex even though she does not want it.
If I get the answers to the above two questions, it may help me.
Let me take a break and think from a counter view, what if my wife is right, i.e. sex is for procreation alone. if this were true, it would put all my arguments down the drain.
If I see history or the present, none of the religious heads of any community Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, etc are married. Celibacy is the rule for all of them. And all of the religions cant be wrong. So maybe sex is for procreation only. Maybe there are two types of people - the enlightened ones and the common ones.
So I am born and destined to be a common man whereas my wife is at a higher level of existence where she does not need sex at all.
Now if I force my wife to have sex, it is going to be rape though she may just let me go ahead and do it to save the marriage. Between a choice of forcing her to have sex and me not having sex, the latter seems a better option.
I hope and pray that no one ever faces the kind of problem I do.
I am 35 years, my wife is 30 years.
I am sure there are some women who don't enjoy sex, just as some women don't enjoy football or recieving flowers, or as some men don't enjoy hunting or basketball.
I think you and your wife need consouling or need to talk to a doctor. There is a reason she doesn't enjoy sex, maybe she was brought up to think it was wrong....who knows...she may not even know....but just because she doesn't like sex, you can't assume women in general don't like sex.
"One honest question, silly in a way, does a woman really enjoy sex or does she just go through the motions to satisfy her partner, though she wouldnt be doing it if she had a choice."
I'm a woman, and I really enjoy sex. I have never had sex to go through the motions just for the purpose of satisfying my partner, unless of course I was offering him a quickie. I love to offer him quickies because it builds up an excitement that gets paid back ten-fold when we do have a regular sex session. If I had a choice, I would be doing it MORE, never less.
"where does one draw a line between marital rape and making one's wife to have sex even though she does not want it."
Honestly, if I had to ask myself that question, it would be sitting at my lawyers desk. A wife should want to have sex with her husband. If she doesn't then there is a problem that needs attention -- counseling, medication, or something.
"If I get the answers to the above two questions, it may help me."
I've answered as honestly as I possibly can. I hope it helps. I'm really sorry to see you going through this, and the saddest part to me is that you are trying to convince yourself that you are not entitled to a happy marriage. You are entitled to a happy marriage, one that includes a loving, sexual relationship. I realize that we have all mentioned that she may need counseling. Perhaps you should seek some counseling too. I think you need to be able to separate some of your feelings to look at this situation realistically.
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my partner in the siggy exchange
"If I see history or the present, none of the religious heads of any community Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, etc are married. Celibacy is the rule for all of them. And all of the religions can’t be wrong. So maybe sex is for procreation only."
Perhaps that statement speaks truth in the dark ages of the past, but in today's sexual revolution! - Definitely not!
You cant force your wife to want, crave, enjoy or reciprocate love making and if I were a man I would not even want that unreciprocated type of sex.... It makes it shallow and takes away from a natural act that’s should be cherished and savored!
I think she is being cruel, even if it is without intention, by keeping you wanting!
She is not divine, enlightened or higher than anyone else is, she is just ignorant. Infact, I’d say your closer to being divine since you haven't strayed already!
She shouldn't be married if she cant deviate or even make an effort to understand the prowess of healthy sex in a marriage.
For my own curiosity (perhaps ignorance),
Where in any religious scripture does it state that sex should not be enjoyed or practiced in the sanctity of marriage?
For those that believe in god created man, why would he create him to have continuous sexual urges? Why would women still have sexual urges whilst pregnant, if sex was just for procreation alone?
One honest question, silly in a way, does a woman really enjoy sex or does she just go through the motions to satisfy her partner, though she wouldn't be doing it if she had a choice.
I am going to help the guy out here....
I think his use of the words "forcing his wife to have sex with him", is his way of saying that since she does not really want to have sex but she will consent to letting him 'use' her body for sex while she is completely detacted emotionally - He is "forcing" her to have sex with him....
Not really assualt at least in the physical sense - I think this guy just feels if she doesnt want to he is forcing her to when she does consent...A reasonable perception for a sensitive person to have I think. Maybe 'extreeme' but I have felt this way to a certain degree in my marriage at times....
Your interpretation is very possible but the *problem* in the marriage still remains and *if* she allows him to just use her body for sex, that's doing nothing
Yep - No doubt about that. I can comisserate with the guy to a degree there. I am in a ML relationship and I mostly dont get much if any enjoyment from 'pity sex'. If I need physical relief I am much better off taking care of that myself as there is no 'guilt' for me then....
I think that this poor guy has much larger problems than I do so I take some solice in knowing that 'it-could-be-worse' - sorry guy...I do understand though as my DW was clearly 'manipulated' as a child/young adult in regards to all thigns sexual and I am ONLY just understanding where some of her perceptions on things have come from. It is insaine to me how much damage parents can do to their kids without realizing or caring what they are doing.
OK - I digress now - back to the original thread - professional advice is way appropriate there for sure. Odds are though that she wont be open to 'new' ideas about things of a sexual nature. But you never know until you try....if you don't try things will just remain as they are.
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