Sex questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Sex questions
10
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 5:08pm

Hi, I'm new to this site and I wanted to ask a few questions. I'm a virgin and am going on honeymoon next week and I wondered whether I could have a few tips:

Which is best: for him to go up my vagina or to go up my backside ?

What's the feeling of a penis going into you, like ?

Which do you find are the best sexual positions ?

What does it feel like when he inserts his fingers into you ?
Is finger-insertion best, up the vagina or up the backside ?

Do you find it's best to go completely naked, or to wear a bra ?

Thanks

Julia

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: juliax2006
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 5:50pm

Learning about sex is like learning about anything. It's different for everyone, and everyone is different. Most things you will just have to experience, and decide which is best for YOU! What is better for me may not be better for you......when it happens, decide if you like it.

Which is best: for him to go up my vagina or to go up my backside ? These are two entirely different things. You might try both, and you might like both....neither is "best".

What's the feeling of a penis going into you, like ? For some it's wonderful, for some it's horribly painful. If your husband is also a virgin, make sure he knows that you have to be aroused AND well lubricated before he does it. The feeling is different for everyone.

Which do you find are the best sexual positions ? There are thousands of different positions.....try as many as you like, and decide which YOU like best.

What does it feel like when he inserts his fingers into you ? It feels very similar to his penis.

Is finger-insertion best, up the vagina or up the backside ? Again, two different things.....it depends on whether you like vaginal play, or anal play, or both.

Do you find it's best to go completely naked, or to wear a bra ? What would be the point of wearing a bra? You can go naked, wear a bra, wear panties, or wear a granny nightgown. It all depends on what YOU want to wear.

There's no way anyone can tell you how you will feel about anything sexual. You'll have to find out for yourself.

Check out www.the-clitoris.com which will explain how a woman's body works.....I have a feeling you don't understand your body at all. If your husband to be doesn't know about giving a woman pleasure, have him read it too.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: juliax2006
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 5:51pm

Congratulations on your marriage!

All the answers to the questions you asked are relative to the person answering them. They're all personal preferences. And your preferences will be discovered from your own experiences with your new husband.

I'm not a big fan of anal intercourse so vaginal intercourse, along with oral and manual stimulation, are my preferences. But others do enjoy anal sex. Anal sex can be painful and damaging if there is hesitation and little to no preparation. Alot of time, foreplay, lubrication and condoms are recommended before attempting anal penetration.

There's not a lot of sensation with penile penetration once it's in, other than pressure. Most of your real sensation is going to be at your vaginal entrance and perhaps, your g-spot, which is located a couple of inches inside the entrance. It's the in & out movement that provides the friction and sensation. Again, this is an individual opinion and viewpoint.

My Dh and I enjoy most sexual positions but you and your DH will have your favorites once you've had the opportunity to try them. Nothing works the same for every couple.

And for me, manual vaginal penetration is only good if it's accompanied by direct clitoral stimulation. Most sexual sensation for women stems from the clitoris. I would suggest visiting www.theclitoris.com for a lot of helpful information. Rectal stimulation is something to experiment with and THEN, decide if it's for you. We all figure out what works for us through experimentation. Don't be shy to say what you like and what you don't like though.

And why would you wear a bra to bed for sex? Just curious.

Don't worry about what anyone else likes or does in bed though, do what you and your new hubby enjoy doing together. Good luck and enjoy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: juliax2006
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 6:41pm

As Dakine and Kat mentioned, it's all personal preference.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
In reply to: juliax2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 7:39am

Which is best: for him to go up my vagina or to go up my backside ?
I know Tish pointed this out but I just was to reiterate that anal sex can cause a lot of pain and physical damage to your anus if you don't know what you're doing. You really need to find out how to do this SAFELY if you're going to do it at all, especially as a complete virgin who is not yet experienced in even vaginal sex.

What's the feeling of a penis going into you, like ?
It's difficult to describe, you just have to experience it for yourself. The most important thing is to always always always be well lubricated... if you are on the BC pill, it can lessen how much lubrication your body produces and natural female lubrication dries quickly anyways so it's always good to have a bottle of lube just in case. If you're not well lubricated I gaurentee it will be painful when his penis penetrates you.

Which do you find are the best sexual positions ?
As everyone has already said, this is all a matter of personal preference but I always recommend the missionary position or girl-on-top for virgins... I find these the most comfortable both physically and psychologically/emotionally and there's a reason they are considered the most "standard" positions: because they're easy, natural and comfortable. The girl-on-top position is probably the most ideal if you're not self conscious at all because it allows you (who as a virgin might experience some pain) to control the speed and depth and also gives easy access to your clitoris since many women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

What does it feel like when he inserts his fingers into you ?
You could always try it yourself and see? Women who masterbate are said to have orgasms more often. It helps to know your body but it's not necessary if you really don't like the idea.

Is finger-insertion best, up the vagina or up the backside ?
I have to point out that you seem rather caught up with penetration but that's not what sex and foreplay is all about. There's so much more then penetration that feels good and it just takes some experimenting and exploring to find out what works best for you... don't just stick to penetration.

Do you find it's best to go completely naked, or to wear a bra ?
I find it's best to wear whatever I'm comfortable with or whatever I'm in the mood for. I used to like to wear a bra during sex because I didn't like my breasts but I got over it and now I like sex best completely naked. My fiance likes it when I wear a skirt so I do it for him sometimes because I don't mind but I think if you're UNcomfortable being completely naked during sex then something is wrong, you either have intimacy problems or your self conscious about your body or both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
In reply to: juliax2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 8:02pm

Thanks for all your responses, my husband and I are both virgins.

How did everyone else feel self-concious wise, the first time they had sex ?

I read an article about a lady who had cried with pleasure during sex, how common is this ?

I also wanted to ask about the so-called involuntary orgasmic "shrieking" which will occur ?

I'll try vaginal insertion myself, thanks for that advice and also about lubrication

What are tips for deep penetration with the missionary position ?

I was thinking about wearing a bra because I'm quite big-busted and so it'd be easier for my husband to stroke/fondle my breasts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: juliax2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 8:21pm

I wasn't self-conscious at all.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
In reply to: juliax2006
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 12:32pm

"How did everyone else feel self-concious wise, the first time they had sex ?"
I was a bit self conscious because my first time was not with someone I was in a relationship with and I didn't completely trust him so I was constantly thinking "Am I doing this right? Does my body look okay?". It's possible to be self conscious even in a comfortable and trusting relationship though if *you're* not happy with your own body. We all have things we don't like about our bodies but it becomes a problem when we let that effect our enjoyment of sex.

"I read an article about a lady who had cried with pleasure during sex, how common is this ?"
It's only natural to get emotional during sex, especially if it's with someone you love. I don't know exactly how common it is but it's perfectly normal to cry tears of joy during/after sex. And it's normal not to as well.

"I also wanted to ask about the so-called involuntary orgasmic "shrieking" which will occur ?"
Some women seem to feel that no "normal" woman actually makes noises like a porn star in bed and those that do are faking it. But I like to go by Dr Phil's definition of normal: Normal is what works for you. If you find yourself making loud noises and you enjoy it then it's perfectly normal. I don't know how "involuntary" it is and I've never "shrieked" but I know that I naturally get louder when I know no one can hear but I likewise get quieter without realizing it if I think someone can hear. That's just the way I happen to be. My fiance is usually pretty quiet except when he first enters, when I give him oral, and when he orgasms.

"What are tips for deep penetration with the missionary position ?"
You may not want very deep penetration during your first time (because pain can be an issue) but pulling your knees to your chest is supposed to allow deeper penetration I believe. If you're very interested in different positions, you can always try a Kama Sutra book.

"I was thinking about wearing a bra because I'm quite big-busted and so it'd be easier for my husband to stroke/fondle my breasts."
It's up to you but I'll bet that as your husband and a man, he'll want to see and touch your breasts during sex without anything in his way ;-) Especially if it's the first time he'll be seeing them, you're both virgins but I don't know if you two have dabbled in some mild foreplay or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: juliax2006
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 6:26pm

I'll just throw a comment in here - I'll leave answering the specific questions up to the others.

I know that you are a virgin but you are making sex sound very clinical. Like some of the others have made clear, sex isn't really about right or wrong answers, firm answers or definable sensations. In your situation it is really about two people making love and finding out how to make each other feel really good both physically and emotionally. And it's a learning process too. It takes time to figure it all out and to find out what works for you and what doesn't. Sure, you can talk about Penis A goes into Vagina B and be quite clincial about it, but it's really not easy to say "Yes, you will enjoy anal sex if you do this" or "Here are some tips for deep penetration" or "Yes, he will prefer you to wear a bra". A lot of what you will be doing with your husband shortly is finding out what his answers to these questions are, and discovering along the way what seems to work for him and what seems to work for you. Everyone is different and so much about sex is finding out how the two of you can make it work so that you are both happy with it.

For example, your husband may not care one way or another whether or not you wear a bra! But then he might like it if it is a bra that *HE* thinks is sexy. Worrying about liking anal sex and having him put his penis up your backside is pointless if you find out that he simply has no desire in putting his penis there.

I recommend that you (and your husband if possible) read at least SOME of that clitoris.com website that (I think it was kat) Kat posted for you.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: juliax2006
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 11:27am

When my DH and I married, we didn't know or care what other couples did in bed.

I can understand why you feel the need to ask, as you are both virgins and want to please one another, but what anyone else does in bed will have no bearing on what YOU end up doing.

As Westie pointed out, you seem to be looking at sex as an exercise, not an intimate sharing of mind and body with your new spouse. Don't overanalyze this.

Be in the moment together, respond and communicate honestly, look at sex as an adventure and then, experiment with joy. That's all it takes and all you need to know. The rest you'll figure out and write your own rules together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: juliax2006
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 11:34am

I agree with Westridge. You are thinking far too clinically! Sex is FAR MORE than insert A into B. Sex is an expression of feelings, and of love. Sex starts with a kiss, continues to touching, fondling, kissing all over, and just enjoying all that you do. There is a LOT that should happen before you worry about inserting anything anywhere. There is foreplay, which is the above mentioned kissing and touching. Without that, you'll probably NOT be able to insert anything anywhere.

You BOTH need to learn about your bodies, and how they work. A man can be "ready" in two seconds, once he gets an erection. That is NOT true of a woman. A woman needs foreplay, to help her relax and get well lubricated. Without foreplay, even for an experienced woman, intercourse can be painful, and far from pleasure. A woman's true sexual organ is NOT her vagina. It's her clitoris. Without clitoral stimulation, the vagina will not be relaxed and well lubricated... The clitoris is the female equivalent of a man's penis. All his feeling is in his penis, and a woman's clitoris has three times the nerve endings that a penis does. Inserting a penis into a vagina can feel VERY good....but if you're not properly aroused, it can feel horrible and painful.

Most women don't "shriek" during sex. Sometimes, during an orgasm, they make noises, but everyone is different. Being a virgin, and your husband being a virgin, it's very doubtful that you'll be having orgasms any time soon. That happens when you both know how to arouse you, and when you learn to just enjoy sex without worrying about what happens when you do this or do that. Every human being is different. What makes ME happy might not make you happy. Even with experienced partners, when they're with a NEW partner, they have to learn what THAT person responds to, and what they enjoy. You ask over and over which is "best". There are NO bests. Some things that are "best" for you will not be "best" for him. Some things that are "best" for him will not be "best" for you. You have to experiment, and learn what's best for both of you, then you share, and you compromise.....you make him happy, he makes you happy.

As for the bra, why would covering your breasts make it more convenient for him to touch them? That doesn't make sense. No matter what size breasts you have, he will be able to find them, and touch them, kiss them, suck on them, or whatever he wants to do. How can he do any of that if you're wearing a bra? Also, some men don't even pay any attention to a woman's breasts. All men are different.

On your wedding night, if you've had a big celebration, you will both be so tired, you may want to do nothing but go to sleep. The next day, when you're refreshed, then you can start exploring your sexuality. Learn to talk to him, learn to tell him that you like something, and tell him if you DON'T like something. Learn to ask him what HE would like, too......because sex isn't all about YOU.....it's for both of you. You can't just lie there and let him do what he wants to you.....you should also be doing things to and for him. Sex is for TWO people to enjoy......not just one.

As for anal play, many people don't do that at ALL....many people don't like it. Most people don't START with anal play or anal penetration.....that comes a LOT later, when you're comfortable with each other, and with your bodies.

There are two web sites that BOTH of you should read, and become familiar with. For your body, and how it works, there is www.the-clitoris.com For his body, and how it works, there is www.the-penis.com

Enjoy your wedding, and enjoy your life together. There is NO hurry to know everything in one night......you have a whole lifetime to learn about sex and about each other. Sex is wonderful, it is an intimate sharing of your bodies and your feelings. With no knowledge of each other's bodies, then sex is just something to make babies. It can be SO MUCH more than that, but it's something that's NOT learned in one night.