sex still hurts

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
sex still hurts
6
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:07am
hi my name is tess and im new to the board,
Ive been having a problem for a while now and am hoping someone can help me. I have been going out with my boyfried for 18 months now. I had sex for the first time a year ago and as i expected, it really hurt. every time we have tried it since it still hurts. i thought it mite be sore for a while but its been a year now.
i experience pain when he is putting it in, and once he is fully inside me its not painful anymore but i still dont enjoy it. i have never had an orgasm during sex, i never even get close.
i am painfully shy and really dont want to have to see a doctor about it.
i will be very gratefull for any advice.
thankyou,
tess x
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:30am

Hi Tess:


1-Your guy should be doing a lot of foreplay.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:33am

How much foreplay are your getting with oral and/or manual stimulation?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:33am

Welcome to the family tess! Oh, and uh, welcome to the club too, LOL! You have a VERY common situation according to so many reports/posts around here, so you're in good hands when it comes to the replies you'll get here.

Very common replies to this very situation have included making sure you are well lubricated. The foreplay is a MUST for many, if not almost all women, so keep the communication very open with your boyfriend and make sure he remembers you "need" to be properly aroused and lubricated prior to "entry" sorta speak. Common rule of thumb for almost every woman who has posted here is to make sure you are enjoying sex before you enjoy sex. In other words, if you're not really enjoying foreplay, then you not be able to enjoy the intercourse as much either. Sometimes the addition of purchased lubricants are the answer too. Worth checking out.

You haven't mentioned the hymen nor have you mentioned any bleeding, but many times the hymen has been discussed as well. For anyone reading this that may not be certain about it, especially you MEN out there that really need to know more anyway, try typing the word "hymen" in the search box on the main Relationships page here:

http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/boards

This is pain thats been around for a while, so I'm not putting my personal bets on any hymen issues, but some out there may benefit from looking it up anyway.

His size and your size compatibility be questionable. Some women have actually reported that the woman on top position benefits them because they control the penetration instead of the man controlling it. Doesn't really matter for many women, but for some it does, may be worth looking into.

These were just a few common responses I remember reading from the past, but keep that communication open and polite with your boyfriend. Make sure he is supportive of you discussing things with him and not unintentionally making you too uncomfortable to let him know you're in pain.

Hope the replies will help you. Let us know. :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 12:49pm

The main reason for pain during sex is lack of lubrication. That can be for many reasons.....the main ones being lack of arousal, and nervousness. You're going to be nervous when you know you're going to have pain. Get and use some sexual lubricant, and that will more than likely take care of the pain. Once you realize that you won't have pain, you won't be so uptight and nervous about THAT, and you'll start to relax and lubricate naturally. As for the orgasms, even if you ever have an orgasm from intercourse alone, which is unlikely, since most women don't, you certainly can't expect orgasms when you're in pain!

There's no reason to be "painfully shy" about seeing a doctor. That's his business. If your car isn't running right, you take it to your mechanic. If your body isn't acting right, you take it to your gynecologist. As the others have said, once you're sexually active, you need to have annual check ups. What are you doing about birth control? You need to see a doctor about that. If you're relying on condoms......they only have an 80% protection rate. What will you do if you get pregnant......you'll have to see one then! What will you do if you get an infection? You'll have to see a doctor about that. Better to see one when you're in good health. It's a lot more embarassing to have to go to a doctor that you don't know when you have an infection, and when you're sexually active, you can get infections. I don't mean STD's, but simple infections that need prescriptions to cure.

If you feel you're mature and responsible enough to be sexually active, then be mature and responsible about taking care of your health, including birth control.

Until you make an appointment, try using some lubrication....that should help a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 4:46pm
Hi Tess
I am going through the same thing you are! I just got married in October (first time I has sex) and I find it Very painful. I also experience pain when he is putting it in, and once he is fully inside me it’s not painful anymore but still don’t enjoy it. So like you I looked for help on this message board. Yah, no help. Everyone says use lots of lube, wait until you are fully aroused and begging for sex. I tried, it did not help. So I think you should really do what I finally decided to do. Go see your Doctor about it. I just made an appointment for the 7th of this month. Maybe we have the same problem. I’ll let you know what my Doctor said and pass along any advice she gave me. Good Luck!



Edited 12/5/2004 10:33 pm ET ET by justmarried102104
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 12:35pm
thanks for all your advice! i will try out the suggestions and if none of them work then go see a doctor. thankyou xxx