Sex too long?
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| Tue, 10-24-2006 - 11:45pm |
Ladies: Is there such a thing as sex that is too long? Lets assume it is good, heck great even, you are enjoying yourself, are you ever simply "done"?
I by no means intend to boast (as I imagine some might) but I can have sex for hours on end, and maintain the pace throughout (I am an endurance athlete). Problem is I have heard the optimal time for sex is like 20-40minutes. When she masturbates she orgasms somewhere in that period.
Last week we had sex for almost four hours strait, I couldnt come, and she was sore, I was exhausted and pretty much gave up. I was really sore to the touch for two days >.<
so last night I tried my best to get off as soon as possible and it still took a tad over two hours.
She says she likes it, on one hand she is the most sex crazy girl I have ever met, more happy to do anything she can to get herself or me off whenever. On the otherhand she is my girlfriend and I have that feeling she would tell me anything to make me happy.
So really a no BS answer how long is best for you? Put yourself in her shoes, does this sound excessive or fantastic.
Lord knows I aim to please, but as a guy the concept of multiple orgasms is sort of lost on me.
Thanks in advance, Kilo

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...I've started at 10pm and finished at 5:30 on occassions...so I get the feeling we're in a similar boat :P
You want to establish before things get going how long you wish to be going for. I know my SO likes my marathon-man qualities, and most of the time is quite content to spend hours and hours (This may have something to do with the infrequency of it thanks to other circumstances =P). From my discussions with her...multiple orgasms do not tire her out, in fact they invigorate her (and thus, me =D). However, there DOES come a certain stage where she just can't carry on without um...passing out. It's like any sort of physical activity: prolonged activity wears you out.
Try speaking with her openly and frankly about it. About how long she likes to go for, and about pace in general. It's different for every woman, and it varies from day to day...or night to night.
In answer to the original question...up to 6 hours, maybe even more is usually fine for us...but we're both a little crazy =D
Though of course...this was not all penetration, in fact, a relatively small proportion of it was. There were plenty of other sexual activities during that time. So it also depends on the activity, and its intensity.
Hope that helps =D
I was aghast at 6 hours, but you made it make some more sense, our 4+ was only counting penetration and I was doing the brunt of the work. If you go 6hrs at jackrabbitspeed (no pun on the name intended) you must have a deathwish =D
I sure wish I could be open with her about this, but I am just not sure I will get an honest reply. She knows that we have never had sex without me feeling extremely rushed. I think she would say that walking on hot coals feels great so long as it puts me at ease you know?
"My dream sex time is _ x"
gives me something to shoot for =\
Well, not cumming too quickly is a virtue but at the same time, one doesn't always want to spend pointless hours being rubbed raw after the fun has gone in a misguided effort to not hurt your man's feelings. You seem to be confusing macho endurance with satisfaction to some degree. Woman vary with what they want and you can't really look at a watch and say to yourself "Well, it's been 30 minutes, she must be ready by now" or "Two hours, what a champion I am!".
Plenty of women are done after 20 minutes of pounding, many will take 40 minutes if it's on offer, some love a few hours. I imagine that very, very few would be interested in more than a hour of actual vigorous intercourse. It really depends on your partner and what SHE likes.
Only counting penetration. Right. Then yes, I would suggest that 2 hours is quite an unusually long amount of time.
I personally recommend, if you're a marathon-man, as you are, that you try going in bursts. That is... the time between first penetration and orgasm is not unbroken. Penetration, then some other form of sexual play. Then a little more penetration, then something else.
This will help to ensure she remains genuinely interested the whole time. Instead of 2 hours of in-out-in-out, it's perhaps a little longer of a variety of forms of different stimulation.
Now you mentioned that during your 4 hour session, you couldn't come. Mixing up the different forms of sexual play as mentioned before (and I'm talking about fairly direct genital stimulation, not back massages) may help in reaching orgasm more quickly. Variety is the spice of life and all that. Having had some such troubles myself in the past, I'll just say it worked for me =P
The other things that may be preventing you from coming quickly (speaking from my experiences), are stress, and physical tiredness. If you're often in a stressed frame of mind, it's difficult to detach yourself totally from that and focus on...well...orgasm. Even if you're not consciously thinking on your worries, your subconscious may be, and this can impair your reactiveness to stimulation down there.
Perhaps if you find an incense you both like, invest in some massage oils, that sort of thing: you can use those to help calm you down first. There's nothing like a sensual massage to both destress, and get you more than a little frisky =D
Tiredness, as I mentioned, could also be a problem. I'm sure you're well-acquainted with the stamina of your body, as an endurance athlete, but might I suggest you take note of whether you find it more difficult to come on days when you've had particular strenuous training? It MAY be having some bearing on how reactive you are to stimulation.
The other issue is communication. You mentioned you weren't sure you'd get an honest reply? You need to sit her down to talk about it, at a time when yu aren't in bed, or otherwise liable to jump each other =P You need to tell her in no uncertain terms that you want nothing but honesty from her, brutal honesty if need be. And if she says something that you don't know how to fix, you know you can ALWAYS come here for advice =)
You want a target? 30 minutes. With the issues you have, this may seem like an unattainable dream. But I assure you, unless you have actual physiological problems, you will be able to get there some day, with some effort. And I'm sure an endurance athlete such as yourself can appreciate that it sometimes takes a long time, and a lot of hard work to get what you want =)
Edit: Fortunately...I don't have a deathwish. Whilst we may go for up to 6 hours every so often, penetration accounts for not more than half an hour of it usually. And that pun was terrible =P
Dh has good control and will last how ever long I (we) want him to last.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding of your "marathon" sex is not that you're trying to break records, but that you're having a problem finishing.
If that's the case, then yes, it's WAY too long. There is certainly no pleasure in being exhausted AND being rubbed raw!
No one wants a man that finishes in two minutes, but hour after hour is not something that most women would want, or that most women would be willing to endure.
I'm not sure where your "concept" (or lack thereof) of multiple orgasms comes in here. What has that got to do with it?
If you're having a problem finishing, then you might want to figure out what's causing that....and it's usually emotional, not physical (although your "endurance" training might have some bearing on it physically). I doubt any woman truly enjoys being pounded to death, and if she's telling you she's enjoying it, then she has a problem with being honest with you. Many men have a "problem" occasionally, and when they do, out of consideration for their partner, or maybe because their partner is honest with them because it's no longer enjoyable, they stop, and finish by hand, or even orally.
Hours of "sex" (not to be confused with intercourse) can be good.....meaning kissing, touching, cuddling, etc. But hours of intercourse, the human body isn't made for that! Being an "endurance" athlete could account for your problem. It's a known fact that men or women who train excessively wind up with messed up hormones. For women, they will mess up their monthly cycle, and for men, maybe it inhibits the ability to reach climax and ejaculate.
Well I am glad I am getting these responses. She has said before when she is done, and more or less raw, but I always thought she was putting up with more than she would like >.<
As far as the hormones go, well I am no doctor but it sounds like it is a distinct possiblilty. I am an Infantry soldier in a pretty tough unit, my job keeps me very fit, and my hormomes or testosterone pretty crazy. Then like I said I have always been one to workout once I am off for the day and train namely for long distance running. I thought I had read somewhere on here that someone was training for a triathalon or something and had like zero sex drive.
Well thanks a million all, it seems everyone agrees half an hour or so is nice, so sex crazy or not I can't imagine she is a into as she tries to reassure me.
So I dont know what the hell I can do about it, but if nothing else I will talk to her.
Of course there can be too much of a good thing! Just as I wouldn't want to eat chocolate cake for hours on end, I wouldn't want to have sex for hours either! On a regular basis anyway. I love sex but in reasonable doses!
And quickies definitely have their place, too.
My DH and I used to go for hours, from one act to another, but now that we're older, an hour is just fine for both of us. Neither of us enjoy being sore.
I would say that if it's taking you hours to orgasm that you should abstain for awhile. Give yourself some time to build natural arousal so that you can orgasm more quickly with her.
On the subject of multiple orgasms I am getting at a guy gets just one. He may be good to go again in a matter of moments, but still there is a time of rest. I figure 1,2,3 climaxes whatever, it would eventually become unpleasant, more work than fun if you get me.
@ consideration of your partner, of course I would stop. I really dont care if I get off, she is the sex fiend not me (after our 4+ hours I didn't, and didnt want any more stimulation to tell the truth.) I have tried to explain that to her. "Just say when".
I trust her fully to tell the truth on any serious issue, but I cant help but think she is just bending over backwards to please, thinking that I really do care. Worse yet should she think she is unattractive to me anymore, which is not at all the case.
So yea, I pretty much have to talk to her =P
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