sex for too long...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
sex for too long...
8
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 2:04pm

okay - so I have a pretty healthy sex drive, but when my bf and I have sex, it takes him forever and sometimes (maybe 40%) he doesn't actually have an orgasm. I know this is common in women, but now I'm feeling like I can sympathize with teh guy who's girlfriend doesn't reach orgasm during their trysts. I'm starting to wonder what I might be doing wrong or what I could do better. He says he's happy with what I do, and that he feels great and that he just is this way (takes a long time and sometimes doesn't "arrive.") Still, I also feel like I don't have the stamina for these long-lasting sessions. Anyone have experience with the endurance-rounds and what can add-to/improve/speed up/make more interesting? Or guys, is it just going to be steady stead over a long period of time, or will mixing things up throw him off course?

I don't think he'll ever need viagra - that's for certain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 5:37pm
My DH cannot orgasm when wearing a condom.....could this be the problem? Another frequent hindrance to men is alcohol/drug consumption.
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 5:41pm
He says he's happy, it feels great and

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 5:51pm

There's nothing you can do, because HE's the one with the problem, not you. For some reason, he's subconciously holding back, and when he gets over that, he'll be fine. He may not even know why, but this is his doing, and only he can fix it. He might feel guilty, he might be afraid of getting you pregnant.....there could be a lot of reasons why it's happening. It could be nothing more than nerves, or a self fulfilling prophecy.....it happens once, the next time he worries that it will happen again, and of course, it does. Tell him to relax, and don't YOU make a big deal out of it.

If it goes so long that you're exhausted, or sore, then tell him it's over, and then do it manually or orally for him, or let him do it himself. Either way, he won't die. If you both just ignore it, it will probably take care of itself.

No man (or woman) ever died from lack of orgasms. They're not the reason you're having sex.....they're a bonus for doing it right. It happens, or it doesn't.....and the less to-do you make about it, the faster it will take care of itself.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 12:17pm
Spend more time in foreplay building his arousal level. Then, when you move to intercourse, he should be ready to go in a shorter period of time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 1:55pm
How do you know he is subconsciously holding back? How is there anyway for you to really know that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 4:06pm

Because if a man can masturbate to climax and ejaculation, then there is NO physical reason why he can't do the same with a woman. If there is no physical reason for it not happening, that leaves only an EMOTIONAL reason. Some men can't get an erection, doctors have ways of testing if there is a physical reason for that. If no physical reason can be found, then it's NOT a physical problem, it's a subconscious reason.

Emotional means subconscious....that part of the brain over which you have very little control. Something buried DEEP within your brain, that maybe even YOU aren't aware of. Something you were taught in childhood. Some trauma that happened to you. Those memories are buried deep in your brain, and they CAN control your conscious behavior. Usually it has to do with fear.....in this case, fear of pregancy, fear of inadequacy, or fear of failure.

Here's a quasi-scientific explanation of the subconscious part of your brain. http://theselfimprovementsite.com/article.php/20050417142250313

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 6:41pm
My bf has a VERY healthy sex drive also. There are times when he dosen't reach the big O. He'll just get there and hang. He's usually to tired or we have gone at it all night or for whatever reason. It dosen't seem to happen often. When he's tired I give him a bj and get him all worked up first. He enjoys it and that makes me enjoy it. Relax he's probably fine. Has it ever happened to you? You get there and it just won't finish? I've been there. I was stressed and unhappy. If a bj isn't your thing (he was my first) then try taking the top position and letting him get worked up that way first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 7:21pm
It happens sometimes, I wouldn't worry about it. My bf (or whatever he is) works much too hard sometimes, and when he's very very tired he will go at it for a long time and his penis stays absolutely rigid but might not ejaculate. A couple weeks ago this happened after like an hour of having sex, he just laughed it off, then we went to sleep and in the morning he was like a semen machine. Wouldn't worry about it one bit.