Sex with a virgin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Sex with a virgin
14
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 6:24pm
I post all of the time on the virginity board and I think this might be a better place to get some advice...

I am 27 and a virgin(by choice, not for religious purposes, I am just waiting for love).

I am dating a guy who is 30, and divorced, and, obviously, not a virgin. I am very ready to have sex with him...I know he is the right guy and it is the right time. I told him I am a virgin, and that I want to have sex with him. The problem is that I am nervous because I am embarrased to have no sexual experience at my age. I am concerned that when we have sex that he will be dissapointed because I am not a sex-expert. He is a great guy, very understanding and kind, so I fear that he would not tell me if he were unhappy with our sex life. I care about him and I want him to be happy.

So I would like to know, from a man's perspective, is it a bad thing or a good thing to have sex with a virgin? Would most guys prefer a woman with more experience? Should I just ask him about this? I will appreciate any advice, thanks.

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Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 7:29pm
not a guy, but thought i'd throw in my 2 cents. it's neither a bad or a good thing, it just is what it is. i have been with very experienced men and not so experienced men. both bring positives to the experience. the less experienced men are great because they don't come with any preconceptions and are eager and willing to learn. i have found their eagerness cute and sometimes they seem more present and open. the experienced ones are great too because they know the basics and maybe even some tricks i haven't yet learned. ultimately, everytime you get a new partner you have to communicate and figure out what works for him/her, since we all don't like exactly the same thing.

don't worry so much about it, just read up on the basics and communicate with your partner -- tell him what feels good to you and ask him what feels good for him.

a great sight is www.sexuality.org.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 7:34pm
IMO, he can be the teacher as well as lover. My wife was a virgin; it was good for my ego to be the teacher...MAC

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 7:35pm

I'm not a guy, but I'll give you my thoughts anyway.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 10:28pm
I wasn't a virgin when my DH and I met, but he was. It didn't bother me at all, in fact, I felt like I had hit the jackpot. I don't think you should be concerned at all. I'm sure your guy will feel the same way! Since we have to start all over learning how to please each new partner anyway....why should it make any difference, really?

Good luck and remember, we were all virgins once.

Avatar for negrapelochica
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 11:29pm
Darlin'...I'm not a man, but I think about sex probably about as much as a penis-owner! Maybe this will give you a different outlook on your plight.

First of all, you have to relax. Take a deep breath and make sure that giving your virginity to this guy isn't going to be something that you'll look back on and regret. Remaining a virgin for as long as you have is noble and rare....if this guy isn't going to appreciate it, TRUST ME, I know a dozen guys here that would LOVE to date you!

Secondly, I want you to look at your hand. That, my dear friend, is what most single guys have as a sexual partner. ANYTHING that you do in response to something he is doing is going to be pleasurable (save biting, whipping, and sexual accupuncture). While I'm an accountant, not a sexologist, I do know that the majority of pleasure that comes from a sexual encounter is emotional and mental. If your S.O. is turned on, it will feel good.

Third, I thought I'd throw you a bone - no pun intended - and give you a few "hints" that might give you some confidence while you're baring yourself...

* Don't just lie there. Men hate that. Be responsive. If he's rubbing your left boob and you like that, tell him "I like that". If he's smacking your hiney and you don't like that try gently at first, move his hand away or say "I like it better when you rub my left boob".

* Don't be shy about your body. If you feel comfortable enough to give this chico your virginity, then you should feel comfortable enough with your body to let him gaze at it and touch it. Sex with someone that has to keep the lights off and clothes on is no fun.

* Don't be afraid to be on top. It's not hard to be there...make sure all pieces are in the right places and just move your hips. It really is that easy at first.

Sex is something that we do naturally. Do you see an ivillage for rabbits?? NO! They don't need help humpin', they just do it a lot! So Yeah, your girlfriends tell stories about how good their man is in bed, and yes, I wll admit that some people are "better" than others...but those people made me feel sexy and wanted, which made their ever move intensified.

Good luck, don't freak out, WEAR A CONDOM, and keep us posted!

Chica!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 12:00am
I have to agree with everyone else. You told him you're a virgin....so now he knows. He didn't run screaming when he heard THAT, did he? If he had an aversion to having sex with virgins, you'd be out of luck, anyway, because that's what you are.

You have the wrong idea of what "experienced" means. Being a good lover has nothing to do with experience. You can be with 100 men, and STILL be lousy, and the same goes for men. Just because he's been with other women, doesn't mean he knows all there is to know about sex, and he might know very little. (I hope that's not true, for your sake!)

What it takes to be a good lover, and a good partner is ENTHUSIASM first and foremost, willingness to learn, openness to new things, and the desire to make HIM happy. It also takes the ability to communicate, and not only to ask what HE likes, but tell him what YOU like, too. Believe it or not, with every new partner, you have to learn all over again......because we're ALL different, have different likes and dislikes.

Sorry to say, but as the other poster mentioned, think what he usually has for a partner....his hand...no matter what you do or don't do, you've got to be an improvement on THAT, lol For most men, all it takes is a willing partner, and a vagina, and they're happy. Anything beyond that is a bonus!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:44am
HIHI

I'm glad to hear that a 27 yers girl still virgin that some thing good

in my calture girls they have to keep there virgintiy till marrage its religious

issue otherwise they are in deeeeeeeeeeep problem no body will married them unless

sh is divorced.

ofcourse my wife was virgin when we married but i was not!!!!!!! i had no problem whith her beeing virgin even sex with avirgin is more much better(man point of view).and as the days went by she is giving me the best sex i ever had.

and i think your new bf as u said that he is undesstanding and kid he would be very helpfull dont wary but you have to till him to go very slowly with you

enjoy it lol

take care....talal
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:22am
~~I wasn't a virgin when my DH and I met, but he was. It didn't bother me at all, in fact, I felt like I had hit the jackpot. I don't think you should be concerned at all. I'm sure your guy will feel the same way! Since we have to start all over learning how to please each new partner anyway....why should it make any difference, really?~~

I agree. And experience doesn't equal good sex. The first guy I was with was more experience than I was and he couldn't ever bring me to orgasm...partially my fault for not telling him when he wasn't doing something I liked (I was young). DH was a virgin when I started dating him. He had no prior experience, and the very first time we had sex he brought me to orgasm. So don't feel like experience is the end all be all. Being willing to learn and open to different things is more important than experience.

RSRosey

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:20am
First of all I would like to say that from a guys stand point, anything is better than your hand. LOL Had to say it, everyone else did. LOL But seriously. There is nothing more special than a woman giving herself to you, for the very first time. Nothing. It creates something that no one else will ever be able to take away. No matter where your relationship goes from there, you will always be the woman who gave herself over to him. He will never forget that. Your lack of experience is a great thing. He will get to train you, teach you, and mold you into the lover he wants, and is happiest with. The only thing you need to do, and it is simple if you love him, is show your enthusiasm and willingness to go through with this. Open, honest communication, and do not be afraid to take it slow. And ask him to do the same. Make this moment extra special for both of you, and relax. He will take control, guide you, and do everything he can to please you. If he is a good lover. Please please please, above all else, just show him your excitement, and interest in making things right, true, and feel good. He is going to feel good regardless, but allow him to please you, don't worry so much about him. He is goona love it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:39am

Hi Jeep,


I have to comment on your post.

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