sex while staying with future in-laws

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2005
sex while staying with future in-laws
6
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:10pm

Ok, heres the situation...
My fiance and I are grown people and in an LDR, different countries. I will be moving to where he lives in about 3 weeks but while there to save for the wedding (we have 6 months to get married once I get the visa) and I recently brought up the topic with him of sex when we are there.

He said we could be intimate when his parents are out of town.....about once a month.

He later said if they were out for a few hours we could, but other than those times we will have to just mess around and no sex.

I cant go 5 months with virtually no sex. I dont know what to do though..I dont want to offend his parents (we would be extremely discreet), but at the same time surely they dont expect us to just turn our feelings off....

What do you guys suggest?

I really dont know what to do..I mean if sex were all important to me Id not go, thats not the case, its just that I dont want to have to always stop when we really dont want to.

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 6:12pm
I am sure that when the move takes place, you two will find some way to get together. I am sure that you can get to his bedroom after everyone is asleep.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 6:15pm

I'm wondering if this is your fiance's choice or his parents insisting on no sex for 5 mos.? Has he said? Is he of a different culture, is that the reason?

There's more than one way to skin a cat though. There's no reason why you can't go to one of his friend's houses or apt. or go to a hotel/motel once a week to "get away." Is there?

In any case, where there's a will, there's a way. And this is only for 5 mos. so determine to look to the future, instead of focusing on the inconveniences of the present. We CAN get through what we have to if we remember what we're doing it for.




Edited 2/13/2006 6:17 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 9:09pm

I think that it depends entirely on his parent's views on sex in their household. When you fiance says that the sex will be infrequent is it because he feels embarrassed or thinks that there will be a lack of privacy in the house, or is it because he knows that his parent's disapprove of him having sex with his fiancee in their house?

If it's just a matter of thin walls and lack of private time then I am sure that the two of you will find a way to have sex. If it is because his parents disapprove then I think that you have to respect their wishes while you are living with them and you will have to accept that sex will be infrequent. While inconvenient, 5 months is not a life sentence and I doubt that you HAVE to live with them if you really desperately can't live with infrequent sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 9:39pm

As far as I know its not been brought up by his parents.

In the past though he was made to live elsewhere when they found out he had been with another girl in their house. However it wasnt a serious relationship (that I am aware of) and he was much younger then. I think thats a big part of why hes saying only when they are out of the house.

We are engaged, his parents know we are engaged...hes from the UK..which I was led to believe is more open regarding sex. They arent religious.

I know in the end the reason we are doing this is so we can get married and be together forever, its just frustrating ;)

Going off to his (our) bedroom wont be a problem, thats probably where we will spend the majority of our time when hes not at work, and I am not out planning our wedding. We want to stay out of the way of his parents as much as possible.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 1:12am
Well, if you will be sharing a bedroom and bed in their home, and his parents are okay with THAT, I'm quite certain that they know what will be happening in it. Silly to think that you'll only be sleeping in the same bed. I wouldn't worry about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 10:14am

I agree with Katmandoo. If his parents are liberal enough to allow you to sleep in the same bed under their roof....they aren't so obtuse to think that you're not going to be sexual. I think it's your b/f that's got the problem, not his parents.

Also, what's the difference between "messing around" and having sex? As long as you're not screaming and yelling so that hey have to HEAR it, he needs to lighten up.