Sex Without A Condom

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Sex Without A Condom
8
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 10:50pm
Hello Board,
I (21) have been dating my boyfriend (26) for just over a year, since then we have been having sex using birth control and sometimes condoms as our forums of proctection. If we do not use a condom he pulls out (yes I know that isnt a form of protection), he will not cum inside of me in fear of me becoming pregant but always expresses his desire too. I would like him to start cumming inside of me but not sure of how to convience him that it is okay and that I will not get pregant. Thanks for you imput. Elizabeth
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 11:08pm

You regularly use the Pill as birth control, don't you? You stay on the pill continuously and use the condoms as a secondary form of birth control, don't you?

If you take the Pill as directed and are concientious about it, then you should be well protected from pregnancy. After-all, that's what it is designed for. There is a small risk of pregnancy but it is small and is only there because there because you can never be 100% certain of anything in life. If you take the pill properly the risk is really very very low.

It would be wise to think about what you would do if, by some chance, you did get pregnant though. That's all part of the responsibilty of having sex. You need to know what you would do if you really did get pregnant. Don't just think about it and then dismiss it because it fits in the "too hard" basket. Have a real plan that would work for you, and for your b/f.

Other than that all you can do is talk to your b/f. It's really up to him and how he feels about the risks. Find some information about how safe the pill is. Maybe even take him along to the Doctor so that you can all discuss it? Tell him and discuss the emergency plan with him. If he's satisfied he may be happy to not use a condom. If he's not happy there isn't a lot that you can do and the two of you will have to continue using condoms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 1:31am

Evidently he doesn't understand the female reproductive system, and/or the birth control pills. You might want to explain it to him in detail, if he doesn't believe you, he can look it up on the computer, and he can read the package inserts that come with every prescription.

1) You get pregnant when his sperm comes in contact with your ovum, and fertilizes it. You only ovulate once a month, midway between two periods, but that's not an exact science (the timing). The ovum is viable for a few days, and so are the sperm, so there are 4 or 5 days a month that you might get pregnant with totally unprotected sex.

2) If you're taking birth control pills....they are a hormone that stops ovulation completely, as long as you take them correctly, meaning every 24 hours, and NOT skipping them, or taking them 6 hours late occasionally. That means, if you don't ovulate, then there is no way you can get pregnant, including during the week of the placebo pills.

3) Birth control pills have about a 1% failure rate, and that's usually due to human error, meaning not taking them correctly.

4) Using condoms is redundant, unless you have STD concerns. But since you don't use them all the time, even if he pulls out, if he's got something, he'll give it to you....so at this point, STD's are a moot point. And condoms don't protect against herpes, HPV!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 3:44am
You have not specified what other form of birth control you use in conjunction with a condom. Withdrawing or cumming inside essentially has the same effect with the only difference being getting pregnant may take a bit longer with using the withdrawl method. If you want him to start cumming inside of you there are a few things you need to do. First is make sure the method you are using is suitable for you and is something you are willing to use. Also understand the risk of pregancy and how it can fail. Next reassure him that the chances are quite low in regards to pregnancy if he cums in you and does not use a condom (Remember no birth control method prevents pregnancy absolutely unless you have had a hysdirectomy). While you are reassuring him also take the time to build more trust into your relationship. Finally let him go at his pace and not rush him into it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 9:58am
Hysterectomies aren't done for birth control. That's the removal of the uterus, and isn't done unless it's medically necessary....such as tumors or cancer. Surgical birth control would be tubal ligation, and most doctors wouldn't do that unless a woman already has several children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 10:29am

Hello Board,

Thanks for all your feedback, it is helpful. Just to clear up something, I am on birth control, the patch Evra, which I have been using nonstop as prescribed by my gyno because of problems relating to my period since april. Before that I was using the pill regualry and have been since I was 15 to the same problem. As well, we have both been tested for STDs and we are in a committed relationship. I am not trying to push him, but he tells me this almost weekly that he wishes he can cum inside. He does not like using condoms, and therefore he pulls out, he only uses condoms once in a blue moon. I am just looking for way to approach him and explain to him that the chances of me becoming pergant veryvery slim. Yes, we have a plan if I was to ever get pregant (we would keep the child)although a pregancy is something we want to avoid until we are ready. Thanks again for all your feedback, it is apprecaited. Elizabeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 11:18pm
Condoms, preferably Trojan latex are in my opinion foolproof as birth control as well for STD's, though that isn't the issue in your case, and it is up to you, but I would recommend it. I have personally never had a problem with using them. I still enjoy intercourse with my GF and she and use condoms exclusively because she won't use and I don't want her to use hormonal birth control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 1:26am

I guess then, that this is up to him. He clearly really doesn't want to get you pregnant but obviously doesn't fully trust the birth control enough to "take the plunge" and cum inside you. Which is kinda silly when you realise that what he's doing (going bare and then pulling out just before ejeculation) is a really really unreliable method.

Many men have what is called "pre-cum". It's a little bit of sticky clear fluid that leaks out the tip of the penis when they get aroused and erect. It's not semen but it can have sperm in it. So if he's inside you and leaking "precum" then there is a chance that you could get pregnant if you were not on birth control. Also, many men leave pulling out so close to the moment that they are too late and semen can get everywhere.

I guess that you could try teaching him some more about how reliable the birthcontrol is and it's just going to take time until he's feeling comfortable enough about everything to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 11:45am

Hi Ladies:

Many men have what is called "pre-cum". It's a little bit of sticky clear fluid that leaks out the tip of the penis when they get aroused and erect. It's not semen but it can have sperm in it.

I don't feel the pre-cum oozing out of my penis. IMHO, if using the pull-out-method of birth control, YOU TWO should start picking out name(s) for the babies.

Mac