sex w/o a boyfriend
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sex w/o a boyfriend
| Mon, 10-15-2007 - 9:38pm |
My 'Ex'- boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago, however, we just started getting together about two weeks ago, and somehow, every time we're together, we end up having sex. The first time we did it while not dating, I felt very stupid, for just giving in like that, but it happened again, and I'm realizing that I don't mind it at all because I like being close to him, and I know we probably won't get back together or anything, but is it a bad idea for he and I to be doing this without dating, even though neither of us are seeing anyone else??????

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I think it depends on the two individual people, the reason why your relationship ended, and how you feel about each other now. There's potential for one of you to get hurt, thinking that your relationship might redevelop into something more than sex. The other problem is that you can put yourself in a position of not looking for a relationship. In general, it's far more common for it to cause more problems than it's worth.
Obviously, none of us here has all the answers about the two of you. What do you think would happen if he started dating someone tomorrow and called things off with you? Or what if he has already been seeing someone else, but just hasn't told you? How would you feel if you met someone else and wanted to start a new relationship?
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Hi and welcome sexybeastie. Please fill in your profile so we can know something about you. Thanks. There are some great people here, so stick around, have fun and jump in anytime.
As for your question, if you're both happy with the arrangement and neither one of you are in
>>he has already told me he doesnt want to get married or have kids. <<
I wouldn't believe that for a moment. What he really means is that he doesn't want to get married or have kids NOW. You'd be surprised what a good relationship and five or ten years can do to a person.
>>I know he doesn't want to date anyone any more<<
I wouldn't believe that either. If the girl of his dreams hit on him tomorrow you can bet that he would start dating again. Even if that doesn't happen, give him a month or two to get over his own "sting" and he'll happily date again.
The only thing that you can be sure of at the moment is that you don't know what is going to happen. There is a very real possibility that he really will call you tomorrow and call things off because he's met another girl he wants to date.
I suggest that you only continue having sex with him if you are 110% comfortable with the idea that he may call it all off tomorrow. If you are the one that called the original relationship off then you may be comfortable with things as they are now.
Do NOT continue having sex with him if you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable - because you'll only get hurt again. At the moment this "thing" is at a dead end and is not going to go anywhere.
>>I don't understand why you would want to grow up old and alone, but those are his thoughts on life.<<
As I said before, 5 or 10 years and his thoughts will have changed. In real life there are hardly any people that actually do end up alone all their lives. His thoughts about life and relationships aren't all that strange at his age. There are zillions of 18yoo men that can't even comprehend the idea of "settling down" or even how they could possibly find a woman that would want to settle down with them - or a woman that they would want to settle down with for the rest of their lives.
>>when we were first talking he specifically told me he didn't want a girlfriend because all his friends are ruled by their girlfriends, and NO girl in her right mind would want him b/c he's such a retard.<<
He sounds like a very typical 18yo old to me. I believe that I went through that stage myself.
>>The only people in this world that care enough about him are me and his parents.<<
Yep. Sounds about right. Bear it in mind that at his age he only has some guy friends that he knows and hangs out with. He really isn't old enough to have met and developed any other significant relationships with people in his life. He's only just starting to go out into the world on his own and meet people other than his immediate family and a few friends. He hasn't had enough of a life to have met people and influenced them and had an effect on people and created a large circle of friends and acquaintances - other than his guy-friends who he hangs out with for fun and (maybe) grew up with. In fact many adults go through life with many acquaintances but its still only ever their partner and immediate family that really "care" about them. That's why people talk about family being important.
OK. I wish you good luck with everything. I hope that it works out for you - but be careful. Don't make the mistake of thinking that he will change and come back to you. Yes, he will probably still have feelings for you but he also has strong feelings about what he wants to do and he will be more interested in getting into another relationship than going back to you. When he does end up in another relationship he is more likely to move forward with that, than to think about returning to you.
I'm not saying that you and him will never get back together. There's a chance. Anything is possible. I'm just saying that the odds are against it. And you had best be careful because YOU are the one that is likely to get hurt by all this in the long run. There is definitely part of you that wants him back - and "meaningless" sex between two people when it means something to one of them means that someone is going to get hurt.
Basically, I don't think that you should be having sex with him. Sex has NEVER worked as a way to keep a guy interested long term. If he wants you it has to be because he loves you, not because you can give him an orgasm. He can get that from other people.
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