sexual attraction to another man

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
sexual attraction to another man
16
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 12:58am
I've been deeply attracted to this younger guy for about 2 years now and he's always on my mind, especially if I've seen him recently. My husband is ok with it and knows everything. It's actually his fantasy for me to be with another man. He's friends with him too. I love my husband and we have a very relationship and are very open with eachother. He insists he wants me to do this. I really want to. I'm extremely shy and get nervous that people will notice how attracted I am to him. It's difficult to flirt because there are always people around. I think he's attracted to me too but I'm not 100% sure. He's flirted and I flirt but very subtly. I just really don't know how. We kinda do it by joking around. Once we get talking we have good conversation but it's getting started that's difficult. Sometimes I wonder if flirting is enough or if I should try to make it a reality. I'd like to reveal to him my attraction but I'm so shy, it's difficult. Any advice would help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 8:29am

Even though it's a fantasy of your husband's for you to have sex with another man and you and your husband are very open, when fantasies turn into reality, it's not the same.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 10:04am

If you have good sex with him, you'll most likely begin to create an emotional bond and therefore want more good sex.

A recipe for disaster.

 

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 10:05am
In nearly every instance, reality rarely lives up to fantasy. I think you and your DH need to think about this a little more before making this one a reality. Your doubt and reticence are there for reason, IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 5:04pm
I've had my share of relationships in my open marriage & it works for us. The first one my husband encouraged me to sleep with him. He was a friend & neighbor who was so hot. One day we were talking in the backyard & I begin to get very horny & I just blurted out " I want to suck you off & Phil says it's OK". He was taken back for moment but recovered quickly & taking my hand led me into his house were I blew him having a orgasm when he climaxed in my mouth. We had sex off & on over the next 5 years enjoying it immensely. Hubby loved hearing mt tales of passion never causing a problem. So honey I'd go for it! Life's just too short to worry about what others think!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 6:37pm

It's not simply a matter of what other people may think though. Sure, many people indulge the desire to have open marriages and some manage to do it without any long term ill effects to their relationship, but they are certainly the exception to the rule. It's not something any couple should undertake lightly, on impulse, or with little consideration of the risks and potential damage to the marriage.




Edited 2/15/2006 7:17 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 9:18am
I agree kat. I just dont get how anyone who truly loves their mate could have sex with another, or share their mate with another... Anyone care to explain this? I`ll accept any explanation other than there is a difference between sex and love. I dont buy it, not in a marriage.They are different, yes, but they go hand in hand in a loving marriage, dont they?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 12:21pm

LEt start with saying hello. Now I see something in this I dont like. You are flriting with this guy and the have long talks with him. Danger Danger danger. You are getting to close with this guy and I can tell you 1st hand this is bad news. I and my wife have done this. I do enjoy seeing her being please by other guys and have let her have a few nights out with them but what happen next I did not like one bit. She fell in love with him I let her talk and see him at her will and thing just got out of hand and I just about lost her over it. Now it is good you like the guy and he turns you on. but you must keep your feelings in order you make love with your DH you have sex with this guy but if you do cut back on the time you see him at work or where ever it is you see him. Never with guy go it alone have DH with you no mater what. if you playing alone do it with a guy you dont see or talk with all the time. One more thing watch what you do with this new toy dont do things you dont do for your DH. DH will pick up on this and feelings will get hurt. As far how much you let go and enjoy it thats up to you for me I know they guy is a new toy and he will do thing that she has not done or just do it differnt and she will enjoy it that is what I let her do this for I want her to let go and have her fun thats what get me going seeing her pleased. after they are done she will show me her thanks for letting her do it and it makes for hot sex for us. but I would say you have started feelings for this guy and if that is so dont do it. If yyou want to have a 3 some or put on a show for your DH find some other guy or make dam sure you have no feelings for him other then you want him in bed. Good luck

Dan

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 5:43pm
Well, yes, love and sex have always gone hand in hand for ME and mine, too. But I realize that others see it differently.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 6:32pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 3:06am

>>I just dont get how anyone who truly loves their mate could have sex with another, or share their mate with another... Anyone care to explain this?<<

Not sure that I can but I'll throw an idea or two into the ring. My partner and I were intrigued by the idea, have discussed having a threesome, but never actually gone through with it. I can see how some people CAN do it.

In some ways I guess that the third party is viewed in much the same way that a sex toy might be viewed by others. Something for the two to share, a "bonding" experience, a pleasurable and intimate novelty shared between two people that, in the end, brings them closer together. I suspect that the third party is objectified to a degree and I think thats where the problems occur too. A lot of couples suddenly find that the third person ISN'T just a sex toy like in their fantasies and that you are dealing with a living breathing individual.

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