sexual attraction to another man

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
sexual attraction to another man
16
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 12:58am
I've been deeply attracted to this younger guy for about 2 years now and he's always on my mind, especially if I've seen him recently. My husband is ok with it and knows everything. It's actually his fantasy for me to be with another man. He's friends with him too. I love my husband and we have a very relationship and are very open with eachother. He insists he wants me to do this. I really want to. I'm extremely shy and get nervous that people will notice how attracted I am to him. It's difficult to flirt because there are always people around. I think he's attracted to me too but I'm not 100% sure. He's flirted and I flirt but very subtly. I just really don't know how. We kinda do it by joking around. Once we get talking we have good conversation but it's getting started that's difficult. Sometimes I wonder if flirting is enough or if I should try to make it a reality. I'd like to reveal to him my attraction but I'm so shy, it's difficult. Any advice would help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 4:53am
west, thanks. makes sense, I guess.Like playing with fire..some do it with no problems, others get burned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 7:17am

>> In some ways I guess that the third party is viewed in much the same way that a sex toy might be viewed by others. Something for the two to share, a "bonding" experience, a pleasurable and intimate novelty shared between two people that, in the end, brings them closer together. <<

This sounds fine but totally ignores the fact that the third party is a living, breathing, human being (presumably!) with feelings and emotions of his/her own. When a threesome relationship gets into trouble it is as likely as not that the cause is the third party who decides that he or she wants more from the relationship. The extra female who decides that she wants your husband for herself. The horny single guy not currently in a relationship of his own who "falls in love" with his best friend's spouse after having had the pleasure of getting naked with her a few times. Not to mention the very likely possibility that the third (especially if it's an unmarried male) will blab to friends and co-workers about the wild time he had last Saturday night...

It's one thing to objectify the third party when you are simply fantasizing and playing what-if games. It's an entirely different thing to expect this to work in real life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 2:39am

>>This sounds fine but totally ignores the fact that the third party is a living, breathing, human being...<<

Ummmm... I think that I did actually mention exactly that....

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 9:55am

The whole premise of a threesome, etc. is wrong from the beginning, IMO, because it is approaching an intimate act with another person from a purely selfish point of view. Rarely does anything good come from that approach.

You're insinuating another person into the most intimate physical and vunerable part of your relationship and then expecting them to just butt out and leave you alone when it's not convenient for you anymore.

The premise completely discounts human nature and the tendency to become emotionally involved with a sex partner and likely why the experience creates problems for most couples.

Inviting a stranger, instead of a friend or acquaintance, into your bed isn't a total elimination of risk of complications either since they're certainly not a stranger after the initial experience.

No, the intent to use another person like a sex toy, even with their consent, is wrong from the start, IMO, so it baffles me as to why so many couples are surprised when they can't manage to make the fantasy a reality.




Edited 2/22/2006 12:01 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 12:59am
i have to say that I agree with this and i wish i could explain why but can't
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 1:09pm
Years ago neighbors wanted us to join them in swinging. We talked about it, my wife even said we should try it. If you have any kind of a relationship that you value with your spouse, don't jeopardize it. We declined, and she was a hot looker, every man's dream for a sexual partner and he was hot too. It would have been hot for the moment but detrimental in the long run. We don't regret our decision. They are divorced today incidentally.

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