Sexual Aversion Disorder

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
Sexual Aversion Disorder
10
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 11:19pm

Is anyone familiar with this? I think I may have it. I can't bear the thought of someone touching me (in a sexual or non-sexual way). The thought of kissing makes me want to throw up, and the very idea of sex is so terrifying I feel like screaming. I am 26 and have never been on a date or had a boyfriend. I really don't know what's going to happen to me when I'm older, because I can't imagine getting married. How could I? I would freak out when the minister says, "You may now kiss the bride." That means I'm doomed to be alone.

I also don't have any friends because I feel disconnected from the issues of most people my age. They are always talking about dating, marriage, and finding "the one." Sooner or later they'll wonder why I'm not interested in any of that. Maybe I can say I'm too busy now, but for how long? I feel unbearably stuck. There is no way around this and I don't know what to do. Please someone help me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 12:30am

Well, you definitely have a problem. Whether it's Sexual Aversion Disorder or some other problem is for a professional to decide. We aren't therapists or analysts, which is what you need.

Whatever your problem is was caused by something, whether it was childhood abuse, sexual or otherwise, or something else, you need a professional to help you figure out what happened to you, and help you deal with it. Whatever your sexual problems are, they are compounded by the fact that you avoid having any friends at all. Believe it or not, we all need friends, and you need friends.

Please speak to your medical doctor and get some recommendations for a good therapist that can help you get over these problems. There are many services that are free, or the fees are based on your income, so cost should not be a problem, no matter what your circumstances. You need help desperately, please get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 3:00am

This is *not* a diagnosis, but I would suggest that you look into Autism Spectrum Disorder. A diagnosis of being on the spectrum involves fitting many different criteria - however two indicators of it are lack of being able to relate to peers and extreme discomfort with being touched....even in a non-sexual way.

Of course, it may also be totally unrelated to autism - but at least you could rule it out as a cause. Also try looking for information on Asperger's Syndrome (a lesser degree of autism).

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 8:51am

I


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 3:44pm
Thanks everyone for your responses, although I have tried therapy many, many times (from psychiatrists to mental health workers to cognitive behavior specialists), and it never seems to help. I hope things will get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 5:26pm
This young lady does not have autism. A 26 year old would have been diagnosed years ago, and 90% of people with autism would not be able to write the letter she wrote. If you want to read about disorders look under pervasive developmental disorder (PDD). All of your neurological disorders come under that umbrella.
As for what condition she has she should see a PHD. or MD. in my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 6:27pm

Rubbish. The diagnostic criteria for autism has been vastly improved over the last 10 years or so, which means that many people who are now adults - and especially those with Aspergers Syndrome - have indeed escaped diagnosis. If you do know anything about autism, you would know that it is a spectrum. People who fall under the spectrum umbrella can vary from having a mild version, right through to being severely intellectually handicapped.

As for her not being able to compose a letter if she had autism....complete and utter bollocks. Have a look at the Google autism support group http://groups.google.com.au/groups?hl=en&lr=&group=alt.support.autism It is full of autistic men and women who are very literate and eloquent. Last time I was there, there was a wonderful mute women who was one of the most eloquent writers that I've ever read.

Lastly, my son 8yo and moderately autistic and learning to be quite verbal now. I know that he will be more than capable of writing a letter when he's an adult. I am suddenly feeling terribly sorry for him having to face such attitudes in this world. I can deal with those who have no knowledge - but not those who write him off, thinking that they know everything about autism - when it's blantantly obvious that they know nothing.

Leaving you with a wonderful piece of prose written by an autistic woman.

***A Place for All***

by Jasmine Lee O'Neill

I write from the depths of myself. As an autistic lady, I have my own bubble world that encases me. In it, I have all the gifts, charms, personal experiences, and unique perceptions that create who I am. I am mute, but have rich inner language. I'm equipped to describe the many good things about being autistic. The negative is stressed by people who live on the outside, looking in. But, I'm on the inside, looking out, and don't view the condition of Autism as being bad at all.

Autistic individuals have a transcendent beauty. Their traits bespeak a separate, entire personality which is holistic-rather than an "illness," "abnormality," "retardation syndrome," or "disease" which must be eradicated. Every autistic person is different, yet there are certain characteristics common to us all.

Autism encompasses a great deal, and is not so narrowly defined as one would find in a dictionary. It soars beyond the simplistic definitions of ignorant people who see it as a person with low intelligence, who is aware of nothing. Actually, many autistic people are very bright and are hyperaware of their environment. They simply don't make their awareness known to others.

Because these special beings have ways of living that are quite out-of-the-ordinary, they are made outcasts. They are discriminated against at school, in the home, in public, and in the place of work. Some adults with Autism have been taught to be ashamed of themselves, so they often try to conceal the traits that make them stand out from the rest.

Autistic children don't deserve to be molded into someone they are not. They deserve to learn and grow, and feel comfortable about themselves. Their worlds can expand to include new experiences, and they can become teachers, opening others to their viewpoints.

It is not fair for an autistic person to expect anyone else to become or behave like an autistic. It's also unfair to expect the opposite, regardless of the fact that autistic people form a minority.

Taking any part of someone else's private world away is an offense. The specific behaviors that delight and soothe those with Autism seem to anger and perplex those without. However, if one doesn't like something, there is a reason. Is it fear of an unknown person who seems strange? Is it embarrassment of the person who is very different? Is it mockery? Is it misunderstanding? These can be corrected by education. There needs to be a general awareness of what Autism is, so people are no longer shocked by it. Society needs to reform its attitudes concerning people who don't fit in.

The special world of an autistic person is a very intense realm rooted in the person's core. A myriad of fragments gather themselves to cause perceptions that are etched into the mind. Acute or dulled senses, spectacular memory for details, self-stimulating behaviors, and an ability to be absorbed completely by a tiny particle are some characteristics that result from having a physically different brain structure. This brain is a whole other world. This brain is not a prison.

There is nothing wrong with being a withdrawn person. There is nothing wrong with not liking to be in crowds, and to prefer being alone. People who don't have social graces are not deficient or incomplete. Autistic people have a pure, self-generated way of thinking, due to their non-conformity. They have an innocence, and a wonderful honesty, which is the result of them seeing things exactly how they are. They can possess tremendous emotions, and can have relationships. They do care about others they like, even though their expressions aren't easily translated by outsiders.

To want a so-called "normal" life for one's child is actually a part of loving that child. The good parent wants his or her youngster to grow up happy, loved, feeling confident, and to be able to live a fulfilling life. Having autism does not destroy those potentials; it only alters their course. It changes how things must be accomplished. It creates a fascinating, complex individual who stands out and is remembered, even for little things. Instead of trying to push a "normal" life upon a person with Autism, the goal should be re-evaluated. Those who are autistic will always be autistic. They will have unusual behaviors and distinctly different thought patterns. They will have their personal routines and rituals. They will always exist apart from the regular flow of life. This is a blessing and a type of freedom.

One can't force a person who is not like everyone else to live a life like that of everyone else. "Normal" is what is expected and accepted, a standard of the masses. It does not fit all individuals to be that way, including even some non-autistic people. It is a compliment to me when people see me as different - even when someone says, "She's a bit weird," in a nice way, because it affirms my natural tendencies to skip along my own path. Trying to force an autistic person to totally blend in is to deny his or her own personality. It also is a fruitless action, since that person is still, forever, going to appear rather like one who is displaced from another land.

Autistic people don't do things just so others will say they are bizarre. They follow their own urges. They go about their lives to the rhythm of their own being.

The self-stimulation that is noticeable in autistic children needs to be accepted in autistic adults, too, since this condition is not out-grown. The rocking, toe-walking, hopping, hand-flapping, humming, starting at specific points, love of movement and shiny things, and the many more, including the ones unique to each individual, are a deep part of that person. They relax, delight or arouse. They are no different than the activities so-called normal people perform to feel good or get an exciting sensation, such as dancing, swimming, or having sexual intercourse. People get pleasure and joy in countless different ways. Autistic people perceive themselves as the center of their world, so they choose activities that begin and end in themselves, and are very close inside them. They do not differentiate between public spots and their own rooms when doing their self-stimulating activities. They are at once very free, and very controlled in their inner homes. They have surprising, unique ways of expressing themselves.

Autistic people are paradoxical. They need to be helped to cherish their differences, not to view them as barriers to life that must be overcome. They do not deserve to be put away in institutions, or to be pushed aside or covered by shields. They are real people who deserve to be part of the human experience. They must always be treated with loving care, patience, and respect. No matter how eccentric they may be, they do have a place, just as others have. The autistic person's place must be his own, and not that of someone else thrust upon him. Each autistic person is born with that right. It isn't earned only if he behaves as others think he should. It is his right to claim his place, even if he lives a very shy, quiet life. It is his right, even if he rocks in public, likes to look at his hands, pulls funny faces, speaks with a peculiar intonation (or doesn't speak at all), doesn't look often into other people's eyes or care much about their conversations, even if he is a savant in some areas, and very under-developed in others, even if he needs some type of care. He cannot be shunned in favor of someone who is considered socially acceptable.

Autistic people can do marvelous things. They need the space and opportunity to bloom, and the freedom to be themselves.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jasmine Lee O'Neill is a writer and a young woman with autism. Reading, PA.

The Pennsylvania Journal on Positive Approaches is published by the Pennsylvania Office of Mental Retardation (OMR) Statewide Training Initiative through Temple University, Institute on Disabilities, University Affiliated Program and Contract Consultants, Inc., 105 Old York Road, New Cumberland, PA 17070. For subscription information, please contact Contract Consultants, Inc. at 774 - 5455. Copyright © 1996 OMR/CCI. All rights reserved.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 7:04pm

Very well said Aisha!


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 8:33pm

The thing that gives me comfort is the education we are providing for our children's peers. In an inclusive environment within a mainstream school, our children's peers can learn that the stereotypical observations are far from true. Indeed today's peers gain an enormous amount of compassion and understanding when taught in the right environment.

Your son and his friends are a perfect example of the fact that people can understand each other's differences - without having limitations on friendship, nor limited expectations for a successful future.

I don't know what is in my son's future. His social skills are very poor - but he's funny and intelligent....and his splinter-skills never cease to amaze us. Despite being moderately impaired, he is well liked and supported by his peers. They not only tolerate him, but they enjoy the weird and wonderful things that he has to offer the classroom and playground. This observation holds true for the large majority of autistic individuals that I know. Temple Grandin (an autistic professor and inventor) once commented that "NASA is the largest sheltered workshop in the world". I could not have said it better myself LOL

Interestingly my DH recently worked with a 25yo who *was* undiagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. She had no idea - but with the knowledge that he has, my DH was able to recognise it immediately. (Naturally, he didn't say anything to her).

Going back to the OP, now that I'm aware that she has sought help via a number of different directions, I would agree that the chances of autism are very low. However, based on the original post, without this knowledge - I would still make the same suggestion. When I've been in/on support groups, the comments about not being able to cope with physical touch and unable to relate to peers are among the most common complaints.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 11:09pm
If you would relax and read what I wrote you would see I said most NOT ALL. I hope your child does well and am sure he will with your help and good teachers. I have been a sp. ed. teacher for 28 years and the last 10 in the autistic support class. I do know a little on the subject and not one of my students in the last 10 years could write a letter like the one written by the lady.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:01am

To be honest, you seem to be writing about only those with moderate/severe autism - and not all those high functioning autistics and aspies in the world.

And yes, this is all a moot point - because it does turn out that the OP has indeed sought answers from professionals. And yes, as this was done recently, they would most likely have diagnosed autism spectrum if that was the case.

>>A 26 year old would have been diagnosed years ago<<
Again, if a 26yo had aspergers or a milder form of autism it is quite possible that they would not have been diagnosed years ago. Mainly due to the diagnostic criteria being improved over the last 10-15 years. My DH used to work with a 25yo woman who was not diagnosed as being an aspie, but she very much showed the symptoms. And my friend's husband recently received a diagnosis of aspergers when he was in his early 30's. So, yes it is very possible to miss a diagnosis.

>>and 90% of people with autism would not be able to write the letter she wrote<<
Perhaps 90% of your students (combination of being young and having high needs) may not have been able to write the letter - but I know many high functioning adult autistics.... both online and in real life. Some are married, many are/have been employed and many have friendships. And most are eloquent..... especially those with aspergers. Having no/very little impairment in communication is part of the critera for diagnosing aspergers as opposed to autism. Aspies can talk the leg off a chair - and quite eloquently, too. Yes, I do believe that there are autistics who would not be able to write a letter, however I don't believe that all those people I know are representative of only 10% of the autistic population - aspergers included.

Think about all those computer programmers, actuaries, maths professors, electronics engineers, rocket scientists at NASA, etc etc. Quite a number of them would be on the spectrum - or borderline. Again, I don't think that they would account for only 10% of the autistic community. I think that Temple Grandin also said that if we were too loose our autistic population, it would mean that we'd loose our scientists.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace