Sexual compatability & choice of mate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sexual compatability & choice of mate.
26
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 7:45am
How important to you was sexual compatability in your choice of a spouse? It takes more than good sex to nurture a marriage, but sex is important for most people. I've been married twice. Both women and I engaged in lovemaking before the engagement, and both were good lovers. If the sex had been consistently poor, it probably would have been a obstacle to me wanting to marry them. Both could probably have been good friends, but from a wife, I want a good sexual connection.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 8:37am

I think sexual compatability is important, but for me it wouldn't make or break a relationship and I wouldn't make my choice of marring this person based on sex if everything else was great in the relationship.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 1:16pm
Well, I was young when I got married(18) and didn't consider anything before getting married. Lucky for me, we are very compatible, sexual and otherwise.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 6:58pm

Mancreature, I so agree with you.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 8:28pm
i think sexual compatibility is very important and couldn't get married without knowing whether it was there. that said, it doesn't have to be perfect from the get go. i've been in long relationships where our sexual styles were very different at the beginning and we were able to work through it and eventually had great sex. i would want things worked out before making a marriage commitment. it is very unlikely that i would date a virgin since i date men in their 30s -- if he was a virgin we would have very different values and experiences and it is very doubtful we would be compatible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 12:02am
I have to agree with the last two posters. I would hate to commit to a relationship only to find that I was unfulfilled and faced a constant desire to seek satisfaction elsewhere. As for marying a virgin... Not me. I wouldn't really want to start a relationship with a virgin because there is only one reason that people "save themselves" after the age of twenty: religion. Personally, I dissaprove of religion. Not that I would want to pressure anyone about it or discriminate against anyone in any other aspect of my life, but I would never date someone who was that religous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 12:16am
Hi, Tish. For me, compatibility isn't about experience or techniques. It's about willingness and desire to please your partner. The rest can be learned.

I think that if one or both partners want to stay a virgin until married, you can still find out whether or not you're compatible. Even if you're not having sex, you'll know whether or not you're attracted to each other. And you can and should talk about things like ... what do you expect from a sex partner? are you willing to try oral sex? how often do you think we should have sex? Etc.

I think that a lot of the couples who end up with clashing libidos problems didn't talk about these things ahead of time, so they went into the relationships with very different expectations.

If all other aspects of the relationship are good, sex problems can be worked out. But only if both partners are willing to work on it.


~Jazz


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 9:32am
Hope you don't mind an "I agree" from a lurking virgin.

I'm waiting for marriage, and don't worry at all about compatability. Like you said, there are so many ways to tell, from talking about sex to just seeing the way you interact with someone. And yes, I have broken up with two men because their view of sex was different than mine (they were willing to wait...I think because they weren't too keen on the idea of sex at all...which was NOT ok with me, lol). So it is very possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 9:38am
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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 9:46am
No, I don't think I would marry a woman who wanted to stay a virgin until marriage. Sex isn't everything in a marriage, but it's very important. I have had 11 sex partners. One or two were very experienced and I thought they would be good in bed, but they weren't, either with poor technique or long standing hangups. There's no guarantee that things will improve.

A couple can discuss what they're willing to do in the future, but talk is easy. The proof is in the doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 10:13am
I suppose that religion isn't the only reason that someone would be a virigin after 20, but I haven't met many people who voluntarily stayed a virgin for any other reason. I suppose some sort of sexual hang up could also lead to that sort of situation. I had a semi-girlfriend who played the wild one with other people. It turned out that she was a virgin. I didn't really mind at first. But she also treated me quite badly, flirted with my sleazy roomate, ignored me when I wanted to see her, was all over me when I experimentaly ignored her, and critisized me as if I wasn't in the room. It was as if she was purposely sabatoging the relationship. It turned out that she had never had a relationship last longer than 2 weeks, including ours. I never did find out what her problem is, although I was curious. Anyway, she didn't have any moral or religous issue with staying a virgin. SHe had some other issue. I would have liked to have engaged her more, and perhaps worked it out, but it was like cuddling with a rock.

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