Sexual compatability & choice of mate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sexual compatability & choice of mate.
26
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 7:45am
How important to you was sexual compatability in your choice of a spouse? It takes more than good sex to nurture a marriage, but sex is important for most people. I've been married twice. Both women and I engaged in lovemaking before the engagement, and both were good lovers. If the sex had been consistently poor, it probably would have been a obstacle to me wanting to marry them. Both could probably have been good friends, but from a wife, I want a good sexual connection.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 10:26am

You are right, there is no guarentee that things will improve, but there is no guarentee that a great sexual partner will stay that way either.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 10:45am

Well it sounds like your semi-girlfriend didn't take anything about your relationship seriously or cared about you at all.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 1:06pm
>>I suppose that religion isn't the only reason that someone would be a virigin after 20, but I haven't met many people who voluntarily stayed a virgin for any other reason. I suppose some sort of sexual hang up could also lead to that sort of situation.<<

So it's either someone bound by religion or someone with a sexual hang up who would wait? It seems to me, that opinions like that sound very high school. And that is not to knock you, but I remember the pressure to have sex and those comments brought it all back. I happen to think anyone who would stand p to pressure and wait for the right person has a healthy, mature attitude, not any religious or sexual hang ups. Sometimes it works out that you *don't* meet the right person until later in life, even after 20 ;-)

Leticia

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 1:42pm
Your question presumes that a spouse can't become a better lover though, which usually happens with time and experience together. The only way sex would become an issue is if my partner refused to try and meet or understand my needs. IF you love someone though, then you forgive their shortcomings and learn to adjust.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 2:22pm
Glad you and Kat see things differently.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 2:42pm
Nope, not alone. While I wasn't a virgin when I got married, my husband is my only sexual partner. He has taught me what feels good to him, and I have taught him what feels good to me. We have grown so sexually compatible in the short time(9 years together, 8 years married) we have been together. Because love and sex are so intertwined with me, simply loving him made it good even when we were still learning each other. I think when you love someone, their touch alone feels good even if their technique isn't quite right yet ;o) Also, I think you can read alot from people's behavior and actions that would relate to how they are in bed. If they are selfish generally, it's a safe bet they are sexually ;o) I don't think you "need" to have sex with them beforehand to know what they will be like in bed.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 8:11pm

Reading this thread, I believe that there is a lot to back both sides of what different people believe.


I do believe that people can learn to please each other, however, they must be willing to learn.

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 9:53pm
When I found the woman that I wanted to marry because we were so compatible, I soon realized that she did not want to have sex until marriage. She was younger than I and I was also a virgin. I wanted her enough to wait even though I had a very high sex drive. I knew that she was easily aroused but always kept her head. I was willing to take the chance and waited for 5 1/2 years (after college, graduate school and 2 years in the Navy)for our marriage to consumate our love for each other. To make a long story short, it took us a few years to learn to satisfy one another and we are still learning after 49 years of marriage. I may have taken a gamble by not "testing the waters first", but my life with her has been so great that I could not have imagined being happier with any other woman. Sometimes faith and luck combine to form a wonderful outcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 10:36pm
I always love your posts Gigi.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 12:56am
It seems that some people were a little offended by what I had to say. Their points are valid, and I know that if I turned this into some sort of rigid selection process I would miss out. Still, generalizations are part of how every person views the world. You just meet too many people to evaluate everyone without using generalizations. For instance, most would not be likely to ask out someone if they just witnessed them being rude to a waitress, for example. I'm sure that lots of decent people are occasionaly beligerent to servers, but if you see someone reaming out their waitress, odds are that they're a jerk.