A sexual dilem.
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| Wed, 01-10-2007 - 12:29am |
Let me start off by saying, I'm new to this board. I've come and gone to iVillage due to various reasons, but I'm back because overall, I think the opportunity to ask a variety of people their opinion, is somewhat useful.
Basically, I dont feel as though I have the sexual drive that I should...and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
I've had only a couple of relationships, all of which extended over long periods of time. Over time, I became less and less shy with changing things up, but *always* had self esteem issues with my body. (I've gone up and down over the past 7 years). I happened to gain a lot of weight with my last long term boyfriend, but took it off plus some, after we broke up...but it never really affected my desire to have sex- (overall).
My current boyfriend and I have been dating, just a little under a year, and have a great overall relationship. Yes, we have disagreements, yes, we have our "things", but at the end of the day we are able to talk through it and move forward. (First time I think I can ever honestly say this).
As far as physically, he is the *HOTTEST* guy I think I have ever been with. I find him so off the wall physically attractive, its ridiculous!...But that is where the problem lies.
For some reason it seems as though I have lost my drive. Something inside me isnt always in the mood...And I really dont know why.
Is this something that requires more detail in order for people to give advice or is this sufficient enough for you all to comment on?
If you have some words of wisdom or advice for me, please let me hear it!
Thanx!

Sex drive (libido) depends on two things. Physical health, and mental/emotional health.
How long since you've had a good physical, including hormone levels? That would be a good place to start. And, if your hormones are "off"...that's an easy fix.
Much harder is the emotional part. You have body image problems. You have weight problems. You might have self esteem problems. You might have a background of sexual repression, or sexual abuse. There are many things that can make us "turn off" when it comes to sex, and relationships. If it's simply your weight and body image....that's something you just need to put out of your mind. No one has a perfect body. Even playboy models have to have their "flaws" airbrushed out. If you were brought up being told sex is bad, "nice girls" don't like sex or it's a sin, that could be making you hold back. If you were sexually or emotionally abused as a child, that can cause problems.
You'll have to start somewhere.....and figure out what it is.