sexual fustration...
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| Sun, 12-26-2004 - 6:19pm |
okay this x-mas eve my bf rented us a FABULOUS room with a jacuzzi tub and everything. it was great. but within the hours of being there we started fooling around and he gave me an INTENSIVE oral session *grins* but i couldn't achieve an orgasm. like he would stimulate my clitortis a certain way and there would be a stimulated feeling then it would go away. during him giving oral i did learn to be vocal and tell him where i felt the most stimulated by the actions he did. but then i would reach mild stimulation then it would disappear. after about prolly 15-20 mins he stopped and asked me what HE was doing wrong. i told him nothing..because in my head he wasn't doing anything wrong. even though i wasn't orgasming it was VEEEEEEEEEEEERY pleasureable! but he said obviously he was doing something wrong, so he asked me to guide him. i tried to..but it wasn't helping. the only thing i would tell him was: when i do masterbate (which i hardly do any more because i freqently have sex) all i do is vary speed and pressure on my clit. other than that there was nothing else i could say. then i said that it had to be me because he was doing everything..just that i couldn't relax enough. then that turned into am i not relaxed around him yet. i corrected him with yes i am, just that i really want to have an orgasm and he really wants me to have one, so i felt like i was pressuring myself to have one. he understood that and said that he never meant to pressure me, but just really wants me to be pleasured. once that was resolve we were fooling around again and i was rubbing m'self against his phallus and i did orgasm. but i want to know...why can't i achieve an orgasm when we're having sex or being given oral? this is becoming slightly fustrating.
then another "topic" came to hand. he asked me why aren't i vocal. i told him i didn't know and how did he expect me to be? like the women on videos or previous women he's messed around with before? and he said no..he's just never been with someone who's been so quiet. it just seemed like i was "expressionless" in bed. i was slightly offended by this and told him i'm sorry i'm an "expressionless" lover. he corrected himself and said that i wasn't "expressionless", i was just more silent than what he was use to. he said that me being vocal turns him on more and allows him to know he's pleasuring me. i agreed that i like him to be vocal as well and i would work on it. why does women being vocal turn guys on? SORRY for the lengthiness! any suggestions or explainations will be greatly appreciated. thanks!!
Edited 12/26/2004 6:36 pm ET ET by canchaserchic

Why you didn't orgasm with oral is anyone's guess.
What does he want from you? For you to have pleasure, or for you to put on a performance for him?
If you're quiet, you're quiet, and to try to be anything else wouldn't work. It would be phoney.
And these men who take it personally when a woman doesn't have an orgasms need to be educated, or kicked out of bed! It's men like that who make women start faking. Ask him if he'd like it if you faked it! Explain to him that orgasms are wonderful, but they are NOT necessary to have pleasure. Explain that women are NOT made like men, and sometimes it just doesn't work. If he'd let it go, you'd have plenty of pleasure, but by him making it a goal, and putting pressure on you to perform for him...he's taking away the pleasure, too.
Maybe he thought he wasn't getting his money's worth for all his expenses.
that's pretty funny...lol. but yeah..while we were talking about me not having an orgasm or being noisy, i did make it a point to ask him would he like for me to "fake" my pleasure and he said no. he said that if i did fake it that he wouldn't want to be intimate with me because i'm not being myself.
Dear canchaserchic--
I am having EXACTLY the same EXACT problem!!!!! WHAT did you do for this.. how can we fix the problem??? Has anyone offered any advice???? It really is the most frustrating, stressful thing EVER!!! AND the more you think about trying to have one, and trying to be less "expressionless", the more uncomfortable it becomes to have and want sex... and now there is sooo much pressure created to have one and to perform with "express" and to be vocal.....I honestly have the same exact problem, and I too just started a new relationship... and I am extremely scared that my BF just gonna think this problem is a "hassle" and start to resent me b/c he isn't pleasing me!!! Have you thought or heard of any good advice!!!! PLEASE PLEASE we need to discuss this!! ASAP
Don't pressure yourself and tell him to let up a bit. Nature will take it's course and it will work out. Just have fun and keep trying. As long as it makes you feel good why stop? Besides maybe it's what you need to get yourself ready to then jump on top of him and O while you're there!
~Kelly
www.kellyfitzpatrick.com
You need to discuss it with HIM.....Women are NOT like men, and they don't HAVE to have orgasms to have pleasure. If he doesn't understand that, then it's his loss.
Any man that thinks he gives a woman orgasms is either stupid, or egotistical. Women have orgasms when they learn how, and not until. Some women NEVER have them, and they do just fine. If a man can't understand that, then HE's the one with the problem, not the woman. And the more pressure he puts on you, the less likely it will ever happen.
You don't have sex to have orgasms......you have sex for the pleasure and intimacy, and if you have that, then you might have the orgasms too. They're not required to enjoy sex, they're a BONUS.