sexual history/experience

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
sexual history/experience
31
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 11:29pm
i just started seeing this guy. and we haven't really talked about sex with each other, or the past or just sex in general. but tonight we did. and everytime i found out more about his past it just kept getting worse. hes 4 years older than me, i'm 20. so he's got 4 years on me right...and i'm almost afraid to ask how many people he's been w/ and if he's been tested. i'm starting to feel really inferior

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 11:55pm
I don't understand? What is it you feel inferior to? You know nothing about his sexual history, but you're already intimidated by it? He's 4 years older than you, and exactly what does that mean sexually? For all you know, he's only been with one or two women before you.....not all men are "sluts", you know! Besides, it makes no difference, and it's really not your concern how many women he's been with. The only thing you have to be concerned about is if he's not a virgin, then he should be tested for diseases. And the same goes for your history. He doesn't NEED, nor does he probably want a detailed sexual history. The only thing HE needs to know is that you're not a virgin, and YOU don't have any diseases.

Are you by some chance thinking that, since you assume he's had lots of experience (which you don't know for a fact) that he's somehow better than you, or that you won't be good enough for him? I have news for you, guys that have had LOTS of experience can still be lousy lovers. Numbers don't equal knowledge. And, no matter how experienced, or inexperienced either of you is, the first time with a new partner is always awkward, and not as good as it will be later, when you know each other's rhythms, likes and dislikes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 8:22am

Besides you have to know if he is STD free, there is nothing else about his past sexual experiences that you need to know.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:57pm
This can be a VERY touchy subject and I appreciate you're being uncomfortable with it! But the thing I had to learn was, your past and his past are what they are...they cannot be changed and all those experiences helped you both to get to where you are right now. there's no point in being embarrassed about your past, whether its that you've had 1 partner or 100 partners!

the thing that IS important is talking about your sexual health....when i first started dating my current SO- we just sat down and agreed that this might be a little uncomfortable, but let's just get through it...we asked each other everything we'd been tested for and when...we talked about how we wanted to be safe and what methods of BC we wanted to use etc. Yes, it can be a little nerve wracking, but what you must always remind yourself is that if you aren't ready to have that discussion then you aren't ready to be having sex!

There is NOTHING embarrassing about your sexual past or your need to protect your sexual health!!

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anonymous user
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 4:32pm
Tish, I respect your opinions, and agree with you most of the time. Im not disagreeing with you here about a persons sexual past, but I`d like to add to your comments. Sometimes I think past performance does indicate future returns. If a person has had, say, 15, 25 35, sexual partners(what ever ones deems to be a lot) ,I think it shows (in some people) a lack of moral fiber. That lack of morals just might come back and bite you if things get a little rough in a marriage. Im not saying all people who were "loose" when they were single will cheat later on, but I`d say the odds would slant that way.I think it also depends how long ago your perspective mate was like this. People do change. I,personally wouldnt want to start a relationship with someone who has been with 30 people over the last couple years, even if they are disease free.I struggled with this my self with my own DW. In college, 15 years ago she "got around" so to speak. We were friends before lovers so we shared things about ourselves.Im older than she is and I didnt know her back then. While in high school and in college she had been with around 13 guys in 4 years.SINCE then she had had only relationship sex, which is two men over a 10 year period..(and had been celibate for 16 months before me).I think thats enough time to determine that there was a real change there in her behaviors.So in our case ,the past does not matter.I think in some cases it matters... a lot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 5:57pm
Yes Humpdaddy, it could go both ways, they could change or they could stay the same and not think twice about cheating on their partner.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 8:29pm
Guy 20 years

You 16 years

I don't know what STATE YOU LIVE. You both need to know the "age of concent." if you have sex, he could be charged with statutory RAPE! Mac

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 8:35pm
I think she is 20 and he's 24, unless I read the post wrong.






~Tish co-cl


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 11:14pm
hey greenteabag,

i feel inferior b/c he has so much more experience than i do. not that it SHOULD matter but i feel like i'm not good enough b/c of it.



yes i do know not all men are sluts. and i never thought that about him until last night. now i know there's 5 women at least and i know there's more. which really doesnt matter to me. but when he asks waht the wildest thing i've done, or where etc. and i dont really have that many stories to "compete" with.



he did ask me how many sexual partners i've had. and since it's the beginning of something that has the possibility of becoming a relationship i didnt want to lie or not be honest with him, or decline to answer cause i dont want to ruin anything for the future. but i'm holding back on asking him.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 11:18pm
that's a good idea.

won't it be akward to have "the talk" then be like ok i wanna F your brains out????

lol sorry, my mind it always runnin

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 11:23pm
another thing i'm worried about is that he has cheated on a gf before and he had no problem admitting it and confessed it was the biggest mistake he ever made it cost him a lot and he'd never do it again. and i've been cheated on. and hearing of a few stories makes me wonder if he can be faithful and only sex one person? anyone understand that?

 

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