sexual history/experience
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sexual history/experience
| Sun, 07-11-2004 - 11:29pm |
i just started seeing this guy. and we haven't really talked about sex with each other, or the past or just sex in general. but tonight we did. and everytime i found out more about his past it just kept getting worse. hes 4 years older than me, i'm 20. so he's got 4 years on me right...and i'm almost afraid to ask how many people he's been w/ and if he's been tested. i'm starting to feel really inferior

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hes 24
i live in canada
Also, since he felt he could ask you how many partners YOU had, and you answered him honestly, why would you feel that you can't ask him the SAME question? It's not important to either of you how many partners there were, because that's the past, you can't change it, and it has NO bearing on NOW. The only thing that either of you really had to know is whether or not you were virgins.
When two people in a relationship are ready to have sex....it's to express their feelings for each other, it's to give each other pleasure, it is NOT about being "good", because if you care about each other.....it WILL be good. If you're not as "experienced" as he is, all it takes is willingness to learn.....and in most cases, even though you feel that you haven't had enough experience, most guys would be happy to hear 3, because believe it or not, he's just as worried as you are about HIS "performance". If one or the other of your past partners was a really good lover, this one might not even measure up! When you're with a new partner for the first time, it's NEVER going to be as good as it will get later......simply because each partner is different, and in the beginning, you don't know what they like, or what they're used to. You might have had sex with 20 guys, but this is a different guy, and you need to learn what HE likes or wants, just as he has to learn with you.
Sex is for two people, it's not only about you worrying about being "good" for him. He needs to be good for you, too. You're not doing this for HIS benefit alone (hopefully) it's for BOTH of you to enjoy, and to do that, you BOTH have to learn about each other.
That means TALKING about it. He's asked what you like.....so tell him. If he suggests something you've never done, tell him that, he'll be happy to teach you. If he suggests something that you don't WANT to do, tell him that, too.
As for his cheating in the past, there's nothing you can do about that, except trust him, and hope that he learned his lesson. If he cheats on you, you'll know, and you'll deal with it at that time, but if you're going to go into this worrying from the start that he MIGHT cheat on you, then don't even start. Everyone makes mistakes when they're young, and hopefully, they learn from them.
Relax, and enjoy your new relationship. Don't worry about the past, either his or yours, because that doesn't count anymore. The only thing that matters is the present and the future. Judge him on what he does for you, how happy he makes you, NOT on what he did before he met you.
altho at this point we hadn't slept together yet, and we didn't that night either, but i was SO RELIEVED to have had it out in the open.
and for the record, i don't think the number of partners a person has had, is at ALL a determinant of their moral fiber! as i said whether he's had 1 partner or 100- what's important is that he's learned from those experiences (whether they were good or bad), and he's willing to be totally open with you now- mostly for your own health and safety.
and GTB is totally right...if he asked you about your past, i'm quite sure he was probably expecting to be asked in return, and you should feel totally FINE in asking him!!
(and i can definitely speak from experience that just because a man has had lots of partners does NOT gaurantee he's a good lover!! my ex was VERY VERY experienced and was terrible!! -very selfish in bed-, but current bf has only had 2 partners and is the BEST SEX i've ever had!!)
be brave- ask what you want to know and don't be embarrassed...just be safe!
In total agreement here with that one!! LOL My ex was with several people, more than I would have liked at such a young age, and was absolutely horrible!! And he didn't even have an excuse (like being selfish) - he just flat out sucked! Whereas JT was a virgin when we got together and he sure could have fooled me. I even asked him one time if a girl sat down and spread her legs, in a non sexual way, and explained the woman's anatomy to him. LOL He said not exactly but asked his brother and his wife what makes sex so good and such and they were very open about explaining things. Well it must have worked because even to this day we have mind blowing sex and we've been sexually active together for three years and it's NEVER boring!!
i dont mean to be rude or anything..but hes a year older than you, and if he told me there were 30 women i wouldnt want any part w/ him. and i wouldnt have a problem dismissing this whole thing just b/c of the number
so long as he's been safe, i don't see what difference the number makes?
Condoms each and every time or what?
The bigger the number and the stranger the men the more unsafe sex gets. (The drunker you are the more unsafe too.)
what guy would a) not want to get w/ a virgin and b) virgins have a way lesser chance of having an std/hiv/hpv all that fun stuff.
i'm sorry but at 23 years old, 30 men IS a lot. regardless of the circumstance
i think the more men the more at risk you are - even if you do use condoms b/c it obviously doesnt protect everything
maybe its just me, i'm not trying to pick on this woman who posted. but even at 25 years old, if you have 30 partners i wouldnt want to be w/ the man. and i'd be disgusted with my friends if that was them
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