sexual history/experience

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
sexual history/experience
31
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 11:29pm
i just started seeing this guy. and we haven't really talked about sex with each other, or the past or just sex in general. but tonight we did. and everytime i found out more about his past it just kept getting worse. hes 4 years older than me, i'm 20. so he's got 4 years on me right...and i'm almost afraid to ask how many people he's been w/ and if he's been tested. i'm starting to feel really inferior

 

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anonymous user
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:15am
Laura, question...Why so many?..Is it the thrill? Are you burying a past bad breakup? Looking for "the one?"
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anonymous user
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:31am
Kc I think peoples worries about getting involved with someone who has been that sexually active are well grounded. That means that the person actually has to change an undesirable behavior. Another thought.. If it has been THAT EASY to take your clothes off for just anyone, whats to stop that person from reverting back to that behavior when things get a little rough in the relationship (or marriage)...The fact that a huge change in a persons thought process has to take place is the fear that one has when getting involved with people (male or female)who has demonstrated such behavior. That is the moral fiber I talked about earlier. If the person you are with now never demonstrated such behavior before, its more unlikely they will in the future.(not impossible though)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:51am
i am just sowing my oats. i am young and free and i don't plan on getting married until at least 30. i'm very attractive and enjoy sex. i date until i'm tired of them(usually six weeks or so). i am not looking for the one yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 11:23am
Hi!

I think i've been confused with someone else...

i don't have a terribly high number i don't think (i'm not the poster with 30 partners by the age of 23)- i'm 28 and have been with 10 people...i'm just saying to the OP that the whole amount of a person is not entirely wrapped up in their 'number'... so perhaps for her to jump to a conclusion about the guy she's dating based solely on his number could mean that she just might be missing out on something...i do regret sleeping with some of the people i did sleep with and i know that i had a 'crazy' time related to a particularly bad point in my life where i did somethings i regret, in reaction to that bad time...perhaps the guy the OP is with has had a similar experience is all i was trying to say...

i know for me- i'm MILES beyond the person i was 10 years ago...i HAVE changed tremendously and am not at ALL interested in reliving those wild days...it IS my past, and there's nothing I can do about it and it has all lead me to the settled happy person i am now...i just can't stand the judgement that someone's 'number' is the baseline to judge them as a person!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 11:36am
oh! and to be clear, being curious about your partners past is your total RIGHT! (i have already said so in previous postings)- ask about what tests they've had, ask about their health and safety, and definitely ask about the SORTS of sexual experiences that would put up a red flag to you (like one night stands, cheating etc etc)-

but to presume that based on the 'number' alone is wrong i think...anyway, i'm just saying be open and honest, be SAFE, but don't hang everything on just the NUMBER....

someone could have a higher nubmer most of which were from realtionships, or a relatively small number some of which came from a series of unprotected one nights stands...

there's always more to the story than the number- make sure you're getting the right info and not inferring....that's all!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 5:15pm
hey guys.

so i saw him last night and we went rollerblading then came back here and eventually had sex. i kinda wanted to but i dont think it was the right decision. i know many people have mentioned before about the number of people one has been w/ is not a reflection of how good they are or can be...and i totally agree and understand. i'm going to go ahead and say that it was OK but not GREAT or AMAZING. i've always heard that the first few times w/ someone new is difficult b/c you have to get to know what they like and stuff. clearly we've both had different experiences in the sack.

i had every intention of having the talk w/ him before this occurred but didnt. i most definitely will before it happens again. the last guy i was with was great. the best sex i've had - it was a fwb relationship, ever since the 1st time we did it, it was amazing and kept getting hotter. but then i look back on last night and just dont feel the same way

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 9:26pm
Personally, I think your 'number' is a private matter. For any consenting adult, the number of partners should be in the past. WHY does anyone care about The Number? Better questions should be:

Have you engaged in risky behavior? Sex without condoms? Unprotected anal sex? Injected drugs? Gotten a 'street' tattoo or piercing? (as opposed to one done under state regulations, with sterile equipment and following aseptic procedures.) Had one night stands with people whose history you don't know, or sexual encounters under the influence?

Knowing those things are what keeps you safe, along with practicing safe sex yourself. One encounter with an infected person is more risky than multiple encounters with condoms. But the exact number, and details - no one should feel they *have* to share those.

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anonymous user
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 10:11am
Kc I wasnt referring to you. I had hesitation with my own fiancees "number" but I realized that she too had had a bad time in her life and it was 10 years ago that she "got around." She never demoed that behavior once she left college, she left it there.

May I ask KCbelle what your bad experiance was?..were you trying to bury a bad break up?
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anonymous user
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 10:28am
There is an old saying...One woman says,"I cant find a decent man", the other woman says" thats because you`re a whore!" If you think about it ..theres a lot of truth in that. Not too many men or women want a whore as their mate. But I dont believe "once a whore always a whore" either. Only time and a demonstrated behavior change can change that label.

How many sex partners give a person the whore status?..that is in the eye of the beholder.

People need to realize that when they do find that person that they believe is "the one"..they need to realize that the that "one" may not be too thrilled with your past behavior..just a thought.

And then there are those who it doesnt matter at all.
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anonymous user
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 10:38am
tally, In an open an honest relationship, if you are asked that question, are you going to lie about your number?..To some people it does matter. Or at least the situations those activities occured under, and how long ago you stopped behaving like that matters. To me, if a person is hesitant about giving out their number, it tells me that they are probably ashamed of their behavior. You can bet if a person has slept with 30+ people(just a number) then all the things you said that are important to ask about have indeed occured. Most people didnt have 30 relationships, and if they had , well, that in itself is a major red flag.