Sexual pressure

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Sexual pressure
5
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:43am
Anyone here feel pressure to go out of their comfort zone with a lover because that lover has expectations formed from watching a lot of porn? Do you ever feel like you have to do the things they do in porn films because you won't be good in bed otherwise?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:49am

I would question the common sense of a man who has "expectations" formed from watching porn! Being "good in bed" has nothing to do with porn, because porn is NOT REALITY. If he's pushing for something that you're uncomfortable with, the simple answer is "no thank you". If he doesn't understand that, maybe he should forget a real live partner and go back to his porn.

A caring partner wouldn't expect you to go out of your comfort zone for any reason, or put pressure on you. There is also a difference between "trying something new or different" and doing something that you're uncomfortable with.

I have a feeling that you're the one who's thinking you have to "compete". You don't.....not when you're with someone who cares about YOU, because he should know the difference between porn and reality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:01am

No, I've never felt pressured because of porn and I've never felt pressured to do anything outside of my comfort zone.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:12pm
I would just like to start by saying that sex is something that should be shared by two people that are mature enough to have sex. Sexual pressures should not even exist in a sexual relationship if the two people are mature enough to respect eachothers boundaries if boundaries are set. As far as being "good in bed" that has nothing to do with porn. Porn is not real. Porn is for entertainment purposes only and should be viewed that way if at all and should not be used to measure whether someone is "good in bed" or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 2:00pm

Nope and we tend to watch porn quite often in our romps. I'd say the most it's done is prompt us to use the cowgirl position and using furniture in different ways but that's about it.

I have no desire to try 69'ing while standing up, or cumming on her face etc...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 4:08pm
Thanks everyone for replying. I wasn't prompted to ask this question out of personal experience -- rather, it was sparked from a discussion I have been having with friends. One is a middle school teacher, and she was concerned about how many of her seventh graders are having oral sex with each other. That led to a discussion of how sexual attitudes have changed, and how porn is so mainstream now that many practices that were unusual even 15 years ago are now just part of the regular sexual menu.
Which led to the question: is the bar being set too high for some? Are we doing things in bed that don't necessarily give us enjoyment but because we think we have to so we won't lose our partners? Or because we don't want to be accused of being uptight? And is just plain intercourse really that boring?
Another friend in this discussion (one of our few singles) said she got dumped recently because the guy she was with insisted on having anal sex every time. She didn't mind doing this occasionally, but wasn't into doing this every time. She was concerned about health risks, and quite honestly, it was something she had to really be in the mood for. This man, further, had a huge anal porn collection.
Another friend who is now married said she once had a threesome she wasn't really into because her bf at the time made it clear he would dump her if they didn't do it. He also had a liking of ffm threesome porn.
And going back to my teacher friend, she worries that her kids are having oral sex for the wrong reasons -- to be cool, to not fall behind, etc. When we all went to middle school (in the '70s-'80s) letting a guy touch your breast was a big deal. I personally couldn't have imagined giving a boy oral sex. Have the traditional bases changed?
Is first base now oral sex, second intercourse, third anal, fourth threesomes?
Any thoughts? And yes, I realize that many of you are mature enough and sensible enough not to be sucked into feeling sexually insecure, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of people out there who haven't fallen for it.