Sexual Requests

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2005
Sexual Requests
7
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 11:59pm

Hello. Have any of you had your sexual requests fall on deaf ears? I do whatever my long-term boyfriend wants me to do plus some in bed, but the few requests that I've made go ignored with no explanation. For example, he always ejaculates inside of me. I have suggested/asked/told him to ejaculate on my belly or something, because it's a turn on for me to see it, but he doesn't. I've asked him to put his penis between my boobs and play around, and he doesn't. I've asked him to wear a thong, lol, and he doesn't. How come? Could it have something to do with him being not particularly well endowed? I have no idea because he won't talk about it. I do all the stuff that he wants, like dress up in lingerie and costumes, oral, anal, different positions, different scenery/places, etc. and my only requests are the 3 things above.

1. What can I do/say now to get him to do these things? Should I withhold something sexual from him and tell him that I'll give it to him again if he does one of the things? That seems kind of tit for tat. How should I approach him with this YET again?

2. Also he doesn't like his balls touched, and he doesn't like his nipples fooled with. I get no response out of him when fooling around with his ears or neck....and sometimes not even his penis, except for it getting hard. Are there other guys like this? He doesn't leave much for me to play around with. Could it be his age (45)?

3. Also how can I TACTFULLY get him to play with my clitoris the way that I want him to without crushing his ego or embarrassing him? He makes it feel good sometimes, but most of the time it hurts. I've tried to show him how to do it, but it's like he doesn't pay attention, because the very next time, he's back to the same thing that causes me discomfort.

He turns me on by his nice body and cute face and loving ways/personality, and we have great sex about half of the time, but my requests go unacknowledged and I can't play with some of the typical male turn-on spots, and I don't understand or know what to do about these things, especially since I've already brought them up several times. Plus he doesn't know how to play with my clitoris, lol.

Any suggestions? Is it beyond talking about? It is time for tit for tat?

Thanks. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: pammy5110
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 1:44am

It sounds like he has some problems. He doesn't respond to your requests, and he doesn't seem to like to be touched in any way. Maybe he's insecure.....maybe he's got some sexual hangups.

You need to talk to him OUT of the bedroom and ask him what's wrong. He may or may not tell you......he may not even know himself. You need to remind him that you do whatever he wants any time he asks, and you're feeling that his heart isn't in this relationship if he can't do the same for you. If he can't talk about it, he has a problem with communcation, too.

All in all, it sounds like he's only half there with you. If you can't fix it by discussing it, then maybe he needs some professional help with whatever is bothering him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
In reply to: pammy5110
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 3:39am

IMO, age has nothing to do with a man wanting his nipples, balls touched. The best two men I've had were/are in their 50s and one loved balls caressed, kissed, sucked, but nipples did nothing; other man loves both, specially his nipples.

When giving oral, have you ever just placed the penis between your boobs?

Also, (and this one doesn't sound nice at all, but may get you the visual you want) if you know when he is close, try pulling him away so that it does explode on you.

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: pammy5110
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 8:02am

You have to talk to him outside the bedroom, not while you're in the heat of the moment.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
In reply to: pammy5110
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 12:17pm

Hi Pammy,

First let me say that we all have the right to not do something, or to not want to be touched in certain ways. "Why" is not really important. As far as you being open and willing to do the things he desires in the bedroom, that's great. But only do them if you want to...don't expect that because you do anal or oral that he reciprocate. You should ONLY do anything in the bedroom that you want to do...not because you want something. This helps to avoid resentment.

It's great that you are making requests with him, but I would suggest attaching feelings and needs to your requests in order for them to be fully heard, and then use his hand and show him how you'd like to be touched (most guys love this anyway). If there are certain things that he just will not do you have two choices if you want to be happy: let it go, or move on... That's it...either leave it as something that he is just not willing to do or find someone who is willing to do it. If you do anything else with it, it will lead to pain and resentment.

Peace,
Scott.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pammy5110
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 3:46pm

Most guys who care about their partners, care about her pleasure and want to learn how to provide it the best way possible. If you feel that your guy is ignoring your requests, or at the least, not making them a priority, then you need to talk about it again. SOON.

SHOWING him how you need your clitoris manipulated is much better than telling him, too. Why not show him how you stimulate yourself to orgasm?

Men are as different in their sexual preferences as women are, so his not liking what you might assume that most men do isn't unusual and it has nothing to do with age at all.

It's possible that he either doesn't understand what you're asking or he is just allowing habit to take over in the moment. People DO get lazy and selfish at times. But he NEEDS to understand that this is affecting your enjoyment and that it could cause considerable resentment if not resolved.

The tit for tat ultimatum would come AFTER the failure of this converstation to remedy these issues. I would hope that it wouldn't come down to that, but sometimes, unfortunately, it does.




Edited 8/30/2005 3:50 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
In reply to: pammy5110
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 12:48am
Well im not real sure about the requests. How long have you been together? If not for some time, then he may just need more time to get really comfortable with you. And you should never withold sex, its wrong and a bit childish too. Now about touching him. My DH is that way. Its been almost 8 yrs now....and its only been in the last 1-2yrs that he is getting more comfortable with these things. Yes it took that long. I honestly used to think something happened as a child (though I never asked) because he was very touchy about me touching him down there. And his balls were completely off limits until recently. And as for the rest of his body, well nothing does anything, I dont know why. I guess some just arent into that. He isnt the full body type, mostly just below the belt. You shouldnt hurt his ego if you gentle with telling him how to touch you. Maybe just whidper softer to him or something, and if he does it, then just ask him each time he isnt, and im sure eventually he will get it. They dont always understand how sensitive we are down there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: pammy5110
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 5:19pm

Pammy,

I was actually anticipating some more replies outta this, cause its quite the interesting discussion you started.

First of all, YES there are men out there that don't really get turned on by certain areas being stimulated. For example, I myself am totally not an ears or nipple guy myself, lol. Mrs. Para use to think she was doing something wrong, but has learned along the way that I'm just not one of those that enjoys it as much as others do...no more than anyone enjoys having their elbows stimulated, lol.

I recall you mentioning things he doesn't do for you, but I don't remember you implying that he does 'nothing' for you in effort to please you, so I won't get into questioning his care for you in that regard. I'm guessing his method of stimulating your clitoris is manual? Has he not tried or enjoyed cunnilingus on you at all? Has he mentioned why or why not? It sounds more to me like you could benefit from more communication with him than you could ideas from us here on the boards. Just guessing, I'm no expert, lol.

NO, don't play the hold 'em fold 'em game either. You don't use your most intimate time together as a bargaining tool. Your treatment of each other is a gift, not a scorecard. His care for you is at a certain level for now when it comes to your gifted time together like this. Keep that talk open with him and make sure he knows that you like it when he does treat you in certain ways and that you do get uncomfortable when he turns away from suggestions you've shared regarding your clitoris.

This isn't about ideas we can give you, this is about that time of trial & error regarding how you two privately communicate and respond to these issues. Just my best guess on it all. Yes, been there done that, so kinda speaking from experience too. Good luck to you!

 

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