Shared Wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Shared Wife
7
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 5:54am

For the past five month my wife has been telling me sexual fantasy stories to spice up our sex life. The stories have been a great source of sexual energy between us. Anyway the first month was stories about us then in the second month it turned into her having sexual escapades with other men (unknown men). I was shocked, but excited at the same time as well as turn up the sex between us. Her stories became more erotic involving different scenarios each hotter and more naughty than the last.

At one point I asked her to talk about the sex she had with a previous boyfriend. She told me and it was very exciting for the both of us, we had wonderful sex that night, but at the same time I mentioned she could have sex with him if she wanted. She was shocked, but I told her it was ok, and that I thought she would like it. At first she refused, but as the intensity of our session went on her thoughts changed. She said yes, she would like to if it was ok with me.

After that night, we continued to discuss her having a different partner other than myself. She liked the ideal, but was cautious about how I would feel. I reassured her that it was perfectly Ok and that I wanted her to be have her sexual urges satisfied. She is a very wonderful person, that loves me dearly as I do here. I’ve know for a long time that I can’t really fulfill her sexually. Her sexual urges are greater than mine, plus she never had an orgasm with me. I want her to have an orgasm so I bought her a vibrator. I’ve known for some time now that she pleases herself sexually everyday, but now she admits to me she does that for herself.

I encourage her to enjoy herself and that it does not bother me at, in fact I find it erotic that she is masturbating. I want her to know that I love her, support of her sexual needs, and that I will do anything I can to help. I’ve also been recently encouraging her to explore sexual relations outside of us. I want her to be sexually satisfied. She flip flops between the ideal, some days yes or days no. She knows I want her to and have mentioned it will not bother me at all. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: texascouple
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 9:11am

You should do nothing.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
In reply to: texascouple
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 11:34am
I'm not here to judge, jut off my opinion. I think that's a recipe for trouble. Just like Tish says, fanstasy is alot different from reality. Your vows were between you two only, keep it that way. Figure out how to please eachother together with the vibrator.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: texascouple
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 10:13pm

How good is your sex life?

The feeling that I get is that there is good communication about some things, but not about others. For example, the orgasm and masturbation thing. It seems that you're communicating about the masturbation thing, but not so well about the orgasm thing.

It's this lack of communication in some areas that makes me hesistant. I'm not sure that the two of you would handle a threesome or open marriage very well.

Having said that, I'm with tish. She took the words out of my mouth. You do nothing. You've expressed your views about the subject and your wife knows where you stand on the matter. It's now up to her to take it further and respond to you if she wants to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
In reply to: texascouple
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 10:57pm
Tex,
I could have written your letter myself. As a matter of fact I have written about the same stuff. I feel so bad about my thoughts,that I don't know what to do. I don't like these thoughts but I can't help them creeping into my mind like a thief in the night. We shouldn't think this way and others let us know that on here. What can we do, I don't know. Good luck lone star but at least your not alone star. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
In reply to: texascouple
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 12:09am

For the most part I disagree with the replies to this posting. I think your wife knows you support her on this and is alright with it. Plus the two of you are at the beginning stages of a journey and I think the both of you need time to process the informaiton. For her I think she needs to think about the direction she wants to take. You need to think about your feelings about what if it does happen, how do you feel if it never happens, and what are you looking for from this (open marriage, a one time / occassional thing, or something leading to like a threesome). Plus you need to realise this is still at the fantasy stage and emotions are different once it becomes reality. We have done what you are describing once before and the emotional reaction is different once it begins to take hold. Because we communicated it was a great but it was a one time thing.

Two-way communication is the key and I think if the both of you communicate it will work itself out. You need to realise people move at their own pace and not at the pace you would like them to move. Plus people may not agree with what you have to say so negociating, compromising, and deciding not to pursue something needs to be a part of this journey. So as a rule, you need to move as fast as the person who is the least comfortable. If there is not two-way communication and your expectations are unrealistic I believe the ramifications could be devistating. Remember don't rush, don't push her, and communicate along the way. If you do these three simple things you will find you will be happy with the results.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
In reply to: texascouple
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 4:37am
My wife and I fantisize about this type of thing while watching group sex dvd's. She will use a dildo and fantisize that it is a strange penis. She will suck on the dildo while we have intercourse. I love to hear her fantisize while the dildo is moving in and out of her vagina. We fantasize a lot realizing that it will never really happen. This is safe sharing.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: texascouple
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 3:06pm

The problem is that she had feelings for this EX at one time and rekindling a past relationship, even sexually, could be dangerous for your marrriage. It's always going to be risky to bring another person into your sex life though.

And there is NO way for you to know how you will feel until AFTER the fact, when it is too late.

I'm not a big proponet of open marriage or inviting others into the marriage bed but I realize that others feel differently.