She doesn't like oral

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2014
She doesn't like oral
9
Wed, 01-15-2014 - 4:58am

Hi there, my name is Patrick, I am 20y old and I haven't been in real sexual life till I met my current girl friend. Now we are together about 1 year. We love each other and enjoying sex, especially my gf, she can reach orgasm so easy (atleast I think she is not fakeing it 'cos she is so wet everytime). But there is problem for me, that she doesn't like oral, both.. giving and recieving too. She did it to me few times, but every time I'm trying to go down on her, she grabs my hair lightly with the word... honey. I was trying to ask her about that before, she said something like...( I don't know if 'strange' is good word for that in english). So she thinks it's strange for her and she is not used to do it. For me, it's a bit frustrating and don't know what to do now. I like how she smells down there and tase too. In additional there is something... everytime, I'm trying to do something except "missionary" she act like she don't like anything other and I feel she is a bit angry for that, she said it's not naturally, the same situation appears when I'm trying to talk about our sex...She goes angry asking me if I'm bored from that already, why I'm thinking about stupid things like that etc. I'm worried to ask her about that again, if she had a bad experience with that or it makes her feel uncomfortable she is not so pretty down there or something like that.

I'm looking for advices. Thanks.

(please excuse my mistakes in grammar, I'm an asshole who cheated during english tests in school and I feel ashamed for that)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 01-15-2014 - 6:25am

You're new to sex.......is she also new to it?  It sounds like she's learned somehow that sex is for making babies, and isn't supposed to be fun too. Are you sure you're doing it right when you do it to her?  And when she does it for you, do you stop before you finish?  Also make sure you're very clean. 

When you're NOT in the bedroom.......have a talk with her.  Explain that there are many positions that are good, and intercourse is not the only part of sex.  I don't know what country you're in, but if you're in the US, you can get "soft porn" that you can show her, so she knows that other people do all these things.  Some women worry that they're not clean enough for oral sex, if that's her problem, give her time to wash herself, or shower before sex. 

Talking about it when you're NOT doing it is the best......then maybe she can explain what her thoughts and fears are.....and you can reassure her.  Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2014
Wed, 01-15-2014 - 9:05am

Yes I'm new. She had a few sexual partners before I came, but don't know how many. The problem is that she doesn't let me even try. Once, I came down there and she interrupted me after first contact with my tongue with words 'please dont', it was only small touch.

She did it for me, 3 or 4 times I think, but it was during 'sex play' (not sure, I chose best word), so I didn't finish so far. I'm cleaning myself very often, like taking a shower every day, sometimes I take it second...when I'm too tired from work.

I'm from mid Europe. She knows, the other people are doing it, she also likes TV serial Sex and the city, which is full of those things. I can clearly say she is the perfect woman with everything I could want, except the things I described before. She wants the sex pleasure one or two times per week, so it really looks she like the sex, she also like when I'm doing it to her with my hand and thats why I'm not sure what is wrong with those things I was talking about in the first post. She is also taking a shower like me, every day or every second.

I was thinking about offer her playing the game...something like, she will close her eyes and let me do everything, during that she is allowed to say only few words... hot, warmer, cold...depends how she likes it (like the Children's game where an object is hidden by parent. The child looks for the object and is told 'warm' etc as he or she gets closer to it).

But I started being worry about to ask her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2014
Wed, 01-15-2014 - 8:02pm

Hey, just straight up talk about it. Communication is key in a relationship regardless of a physical relationship. as the guy, you need to make sure she is comfortable in all situations. if you plan on being together for any long period time you should just talk it out, more importantly you ned to listen to her. There are certain things women who have had past relationships are sensitive about especially the bedroom part of it. I know women who are so desensitized and now fearful of physical contact because of an incident in the past that they carry with them. you just need to talk to her and reassure your lady that you wouldnt do anything to hurt her or put her in an awkward situation. i mean, we all have things we just dont like, and you have to be mindful of that... you will be fine, you need to have a good long talk about all of it before getting physical again.  Hope everything pans out for ya.   -IDP

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Tue, 01-21-2014 - 1:38am
Hi Patrick, There are people who do not particularly like oral sex, it does not mean that they do not like sex, as you said she is completely satisfied at the end of it. It is very clear that she is not particularly adventurous as far as sex is concerned. But then these are small things and does not matter, as long as you both love each other tremendously. Do not pester her with your oral sex requests, just enjoy loving her and being with her.
Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 01-21-2014 - 11:12pm

Maybe she is just shy?  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 01-22-2014 - 11:35pm

As I said earlier, and as others have said, you need to TALK to her, and find out why she doesn't want to do it.  Some girls think that "nice" girls don't do things like that.  When I was young that's what I thought.  Then I learned that nice girls DO enjoy giving and getting oral stimulation.  Some girls think they're "dirty" there, even if they shower.  It's like anorexic girls think they're fat!  This is mental conditioning, and hard to change.  I was married to a man that would NOT do it.  He tried it once and almost threw up....again, the MENTAL thought of it being dirty.   If a girl learns to enjoy it, it's almost more pleasure than intercourse.  And, I'm sorry to tell you that being "wet" or lubricated isn't really an orgasm.......it's just lubrication, that happens when sex starts.  But orgasms aren't that important at this stage.  Learning to relax and enjoy, and get pleasure will eventually start her orgasms, and you'll know when that happens.  Don't bother her about it.....she can enjoy sex even without orgasms. 

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 01-25-2014 - 11:22am

I can't speak for other women, but I know that for me no amount of talking with my partner would help.  I had this same issue when I was first married.  It was simply a matter of me overcoming my shyness.  Fortunately, my hubby is a patient man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Wed, 01-29-2014 - 3:06pm
I have been married for 22 years and my wife has never finished me orally. We have talked and I don't expect it to happen in the next 22 years either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2014
Sat, 02-22-2014 - 8:26am
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