Should I?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2005
Should I?
8
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 10:39pm

I met this guy on my first internet chatroom. He seemed nice and he sent me privet message to leave chat room and chat with him on IM. He send me invite and it so easy, all I have to do is accept. We chat and exchange pictures and I think "wow." Then he say I'm beautiful and he want sex on internet with me. I never had sex, not in real or on internet. He insist and I afraid he not chat with me again so I say "ok." After all it only on internet but still it make me feel nervous and excited. He make it last more than 1 hour and I feel tingle and I cannot explain and confused.

Then he say he cannot chat next night but he give me phone number and say I call him. When I call him he talk nice then about sex and then he want phone sex. Then that night I go on internet he there after all and he want more sex. Next night he call me for more phone sex and then on internet every night. He ask for my address but he not give me his. After 2 weeks his letter arrive and he tell me how he make love to me and what he want me to do. Every night phone and internet, often he make me me laugh. I not chat with anyone else. Now he want to meet me and have sex for real. I think I might love him and feel afraid too. Now he want real sex. What should I do? He older than me. Please help. He wonder why I take so long to respond to him tonight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: annapitao
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 12:19am

You should NEVER give your address to anyone on the computer! This man is a predator, and he is using you. He doesn't LOVE you, he wants sex with you, and that is all he wants. You don't love him, you don't even KNOW him. He has no interest in being your friend, only in using you for sex. Tell him NO and stop talking to him. You are a virgin, and you should save your virginity for someone who loves you, and whom you love. Not some creepy person on the computer!

There are plenty of nice people on the internet, and in chatrooms. They do NOT talk about sex, and they are friendly people. THAT is the kind of people you should be talking to.

How old are you? If you're underage, the police could arrest this man if you tell them about him. Stop talking to him, and if he won't stop bothering you, tell him you will call the police on him. This man only wants to USE you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: annapitao
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 12:44am
Bad idea.
I'm talking as someone who met my partner online, so I'm probably one of the least cynical about internet relationships, but this does not sound good to me. For one thing, alarm bells should be ringing if he expects you to give out personal details like your address but wont give out his. To me that says he has something to hide. How much do you know about this guy? He could be married, be a rapist, be a totally different age than he claimed- there are many tthings which might not be true. People on the internet lie because they can. No one is there to prove them wrong. The photos you were so impressed with might not be of him. Anything he's told you might be made up. At best agreeing to meet him could lead to serious disappointments for you and at worst you could be in danger.
The fact that you agreed to have cybersex because you were afraid he wouldn't talk to you if you didn't suggests that you have some confidence issues. If he's the kind of person who'd ignore you over something like that he certainly isn't the kind of person you want to meet.And what happens if the same thing occurs in real life? If you meet him and decide you don't want to have sex with him, will you be able to say no? You should never ever feel pressured into a sexual encounter of any kind, whether it be via the internet, the phone or in real life, if you don't want to do it you should and can say no. That doesn't sound to me like what's happening here.
The fact that he contacts you every night for phone or internet sex sounds a lot like that's all he's interested in. You say you might love this man but it certainly doesn't seem like he feels the same. You don't say how long you've been speaking to him for but remember no amount of time on the internet can ensure you truly know somebody, so by meeting anyone you know online you're taking a risk.
I can't make this decision for you but I would very strongly advise against meeting this man. You say you're afraid and that in itself is reason enough. Something doesn't seem right about this situation so I would say if you're enjoying the way things are at the moment, keep them that way. If not, I would cut all ties, block his username and stop answering his calls.
If you decide to meet him anyway make sure it's in a public neutral place such as a bar or a shopping centre where you wont be immediately vulnerable. Make sure someone knows where you are and when you should be home so they can call for help if they suspect anything is wrong. Better yet, take a friend with you. It's your decision but remember whatever you decide always play it safe, and hopefully you wont get emotionally or physically hurt along the way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: annapitao
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 8:20am

Stop contact with him right away, you have already put yourself in a very dangerous situation by giving him your contact info, phone #, address and name.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: annapitao
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 10:52am

To add to my previous post, here is just one example


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
In reply to: annapitao
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 3:29pm

I agree with the others! For your safety, please discontinue all contact with this guy.


Here's another link about a girl from my local area.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
In reply to: annapitao
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 5:36pm
nope, You shouldnt. All the previous posters are right. What you have done already is dangerous and from here on out you should be playing it safe. Dont do anything that you dont want to do. Sounds like you already have red flags going up otherwise you would not have posted. Listen to yourself and Dont Meet this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: annapitao
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 11:40am
I agree with the others you have already put yourself in harm he knows how to contact you anytime he wants to since he has your address. This is very dangerous. I can not tell you what to do since I myself have met several people on the internet including my current boyfriend but I never gave out my address and only used my cell # so I could block the # easly or have the number changed if I had to. Also I only meet them in a public place like the mall or at a quite local bar where people know me, several of my friends and my mom always knew where I would be and what time I expeted to be home. Also if you have a cell have someone call about 20 mins after you arrive to check and make sure things are ok. This is what I call a safty call. If things are not ok have a safe phrase so they know you need help. The interenet can be a wonderful way to meet new people as long as you take precautions and STAY SAFE. I have never once been asked by a guy that had any sorta interest in me to cyber or have phone sex, the decent ones know better, and the ones that do that is all they are on the internet for. If you feel any sort of uneasiness about this guy you should cut off all contact immediately. Remeber your safty and life are the most important things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
In reply to: annapitao
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 1:03pm

Hi,

I'm speaking as someone who found mine on the internet too (and not on a dating site or a chat room either). I agree with what the others said. Having said that, I'd like to add a few things. 1) In my experience, it is best to stay out of these unmoderated chat rooms (forgive me if I'm incorrect but it's my understand that's where you found this one). Reason being, all they are looking for is sex/cyber/whatever else. That would be red flag #1. Red flag #2: he wants your address/phone number but not willing to give you his. To me, that says he's taken or is hiding something else undesirable (like being a registered predator). In my case I had his address, phone number, cell number and two credit card numbers (ok maybe you don't need the last one but everything else if he's asking he'd better be willing to give you the same info). Red flag #3: How long have you known this guy anyway? In this instance, the internet serves as additional way to meet people. If you met this guy in real life would you still see yourself saying that you "might love him"? Would you consider having sex with him in this time frame? Since you're still a virgin (and assuming you're not 14 or 15), you must have decided not to give it to just anyone, so PLEASE think long and hard about not only this one, but anybody else you meet online.