Should I feel guilty?
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Should I feel guilty?
| Mon, 06-27-2005 - 7:01pm |
I am happily married and have a pretty good sex life but I need more than my hubby does. I just finally decided to buy a vibrator..but now I feel a little guilty. I haven't told dh about my purchase and sorta want to keep it my little secret until his libido picks up! I just feel bad for some reason, like I shouldn't be enjoying sex without him. On the flip side, I'm excited to put it to use and not feel like a nag to dh who is "tired" or "not feeling good about his body". Now I can go and do my thing. Does that sound selfish?

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Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
I've been doing this for years. My DH doesn't have the drive that I do, so we compromise on frequency and I take care of myself when needed. Don't feel guilty, it's called self-love for a reason.
And I'm quite certain that your DH probably does some private pleasuring himself, at least occasionally!
Edited 6/27/2005 9:03 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
How do I get my GF to be more comfortable with her body and not embarrassed when she masturbates? I’m asking because she has only started to really masturbate the past several months, before that she thought it was wrong.
Yesterday she masturbated when I was not home and hesitated to tell me. I’m not sure why she hesitated since I totally encourage her to explore her body and to enjoy it. We’ve been on this sexual height since she has begun to explore herself. I want her to be comfortable about it and not to be embarrassed.
Should you feel guilty? No, not for buying a toy, but I think you DO feel guilty for doing it behind his back. That's why you're asking the question. The problem with doing it, and doing it behind his back is that you're treating the symptom, not the problem.
You said you're doing this until his "libido" picks up? But in your second post, you said it's been like this since you've been married....so what makes you think his libido will EVER "pick up"?
You said you've talked about it, and it helped for a week or two, then it went right back to the way it was. Evidently, he agreed with you to pacify you for the moment, nothing more. You need to work on the real problem, which is a big difference in your libido and his. He doesn't feel good about his body? Did he ever? He's tired? Was he always tired?
You need to get the problem in the open, and if necessary, tell him that if he's not going to at least TRY to compromise with you that you'll take matters into your own hands, literally. And then show him your purchase, and tell him this is how you plan to do it. That might even spark his interest.
"Libido" has to do with hormones, and physical health, but it is in a LARGE part mental. Has he had a good physical lately? If all is well mentally, maybe he just needs some mental stimulation, and this might be a good way to start that.
I don't think you should feel guilty about buying the toy, but I also don't think you should hide it from him. That's not going to change anything, and you WILL feel guilty about doing it without his knowledge. Good Luck!
Not really. I think it comes down to acceptance. His acceptance of your greater needs and your acceptance of his lesser one. Frequency MUST be discussed and agreed upon though, or frustration will lead to resentment and that's never good in a marriage. Ask him how he would feel about your using a vibrator to keep from pressuring him. He may surprise you.
Get a calender and put some heart stickers on the days that you want to be intimate. Agree that you both will be willing to stick to the schedule, no more but no less either. No,it's not spontaneous but it's necessary until you develop some kind of routine that you both can live with. They say it takes 30 days to develop a habit so work on those first 30 days.
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