Should I feel guilty?

Avatar for nodinero
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Should I feel guilty?
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Mon, 06-27-2005 - 7:01pm
I am happily married and have a pretty good sex life but I need more than my hubby does. I just finally decided to buy a vibrator..but now I feel a little guilty. I haven't told dh about my purchase and sorta want to keep it my little secret until his libido picks up! I just feel bad for some reason, like I shouldn't be enjoying sex without him. On the flip side, I'm excited to put it to use and not feel like a nag to dh who is "tired" or "not feeling good about his body". Now I can go and do my thing. Does that sound selfish?

 

 

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Avatar for nodinero
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 12:49pm
You are absolutely right. I'm in denial about the real issue and I'm trying to pacify the moment myself. Dh did initiate last night and of course I accepted and it was an amazing time together. I thought it would be a good idea to tell him how much I enjoy those moments together and that led to another discussion about our difference in libido.
He has always wanted it less than me but still initiated and/or accepted my request much much more frequently than he does now. When I've confronted him lately, he's given me those excuses of being tired, hating his body..etc. Last night he told me that we may not have sex all the time but when we do it's really good so quality over quantity. I did tell him about the vibrator and amazingly his response was, "well, does that mean you won't want to have sex with me anymore?". I guess I expected him to be more angry than worried about it. Anyway, thanks for all the responses. I was just feeling resentful and needed to get some suggestions.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 4:25pm
Don't feel guilty! I enjoy using a vibrator, too. And it has done nothing but help my sex life and greatly improve my enjoyment of real sex. Still one of my little secrets at home and it really helps me when my husband is out of town which is frequently...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 9:23pm

<< I don't want to fight about it or be accused of wanting to leave him so I think I should keep the purchase to myself.>>


That, imo, is exactly why you SHOULD tell him. Tell him that you don't want to fight about the difference in drives. That you accept his low libido and won't push him. That you wont' cheat on him. But that you need the release and a vibe can do that without putting your relationship in jeopardy.


<< I'm usually the one who initiates. Once I get him to agree, we both enjoy it. It just seems like a chore to get him interested.>>


I've been in your dh's shoes. My guess is that either 1) he has anaturally low libido or 2) there are issues unrelated to sex that make him lose interest. For me it was the latter. The low sex drive was merely a symptom of other problems.


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Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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