should I or not? thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
should I or not? thanks
11
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 9:53pm

I posted this at another board but want to see others' POV's - thank you!!!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rltwenty&msg=53979.1&ctx=0

Just to clarify - my post is asking whether or not I should kiss him. I would say no if he tries.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:01am

This is the most convoluted crazy post I've ever read. You keep talking about how shy you are, you don't understand why guy just want sex from you.....have you ever thought it's because of your behavior?

You "like" Matt, even though Matt doesn't act like you're anything more than a friend. His friend Joe, who you DON'T "like", and aren't even "attracted" to......says dumb things to you, and you giggle like a 13 year old instead of putting him in his place. He wants to hold your hand? Tell him NO......don't send him stupid messages about Beatles songs.

Now he's proposing SNEAKING to your place, IF you have air conditioning......and you're considering ACCEPTING that proposal? WHY???? You should have told him to DROP DEAD! There is why you get hit on for sex. Because you don't say NO!

You think a booty call with Joe is going to make you get your mind off Matt? Just GET your mind off Matt. Besides, when the jerk Joe gets done spreading the word that he's HAD you around the office, Matt will lose any respect he might have had for you!

You may be 20 something, but you have a LOT of growing up to do. Start learning to EXPECT respect, or you'll never get it. That means you have to respect yourself, and I don't think you do. Until you do respect yourself, men aren't going to respect you either. Start out by telling Joe to take a hike.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:04am
My advice is Don't do it! If you really want to win over Matt, which appears it might take some time, then don't do anything with anyone in the office. It will weaken your chances of getting what you really want. Casual flirting is ok, but don't put yourself in a position where you could get hurt. Save the one nighters for people you pick up in a bar.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:57am

Okay, I'm totally confused, as well.

IF you don't like this Joe guy and aren't attracted to him in the least, why bother messing with him at all? It won't make Matt jealous, he has already told you that he has no interest in you so, believe him and let it go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 7:41am

You seem to do the same things over and over again.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 7:07pm

You're acting crazy. It doesn't matter how much of a crush you have on Matt, he doesn't want you. He's told you that. Nothing is going to develop there.

And STOP flirting with Joe if you have no serious interest in him. One moment you say that you don't like him as anything more than a friend and then you turn around and tell him that "Yes, you were flirting with him" and you're considering kissing him. What on earth do you want? Matt isn't going to get jealous because he doesn't want you. If anything he's going to think that you're just desperate. And if you don't stop leading Joe on you're going to end up pissing him off so much that he WILL bad-mouth you around the office - or worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 7:50pm
Plus - I don't think it's fair to lead this Joe on if you really aren't attracted to him and have no intentions of actually getting to know him or being with him. That's mean and unfair, to use anyone like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 10:00pm

You're right. My post WAS confusing. When I said it's expected to meet guys who only want sex from a dating website, I MEANT TO SAY, I did meet guys like that, but NEVER slept with ANY of them. I had sex with only 2 guys: my boyfriend and the singer in a rock band who I knew a long time before it happened - so I never had a one night stand with a stranger. It's not my fault I attract guys who are out for sex when I join a dating website - maybe it's just how I look in my picture. I would glady email the pic to you to see who's at fault.

One more thing: I understand you guys read this board late at night, or some of you are mothers or are really busy and skim through these posts - but I clearly said in my post:

i posted this at another board but want to see others' POV's - thank you!!!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rltwenty&msg=53979.1&ctx=0

READ THIS MORE CAREFULLY: >>>>>>>>>>>>> Just to clarify - my post is asking whether or not I should kiss him. I would say no if he tries.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 10:23pm

one more thing:

"...he's going to think that you're just desperate. And if you don't stop leading Joe on ..."

You think I sound desperate? Who's the one who said "Can I follow you home and attack you? Do you live alone?" I would think Joe is more desperate than I am.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 10:33pm
I just remembered I DID actually sleep with one guy from a dating website, just one, and that was after I had 3 or 4 dates with him. I remember him now because someone (Tish?) had copied a quote of mine from my old post about him. It was only ONE guy from at least 10 who I had chatted with and met. I forgot about him because I really liked Matt from work for a long time. Plus, I've been training for my new position and learning new things. It's amazing how quickly you forget some things and others you don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 11:24pm

>>You think I sound desperate? <<

It doesn't matter what _I_ think.

It doesn't even matter what Joe thinks or if he's desperate or not.

By chasing Joe and flirting with him and being indecisive about what you are doing with him you will PROBABLY raise flags for Matt. He KNOWS that you like him and is likely to be suspicious if you keep stringing Joe along. I know that I would begin to think "Hmmmm. She keeps this friend of mine on a leash after chasing me, I wonder if she is doing it to make me feel jealous?". In the office gossip, it's a short leap of logic to assume that "She must be desperate, going from one friend to another like that."

Basically, you're flirting and leading a guy on that your not interested in, in the hopes that his friend will take notice of you even though he has already told you that he's not interested. Yeah. THAT'S desperate.

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