Should I take this personally?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Should I take this personally?
7
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 3:42pm

Hi everyone,

My bf and I have been going out for a little over a month now. I see him about 4 days a week. We both have extremely busy schedules, so sex is usually once a week.

Anyways, we've gotten in the habit of doing it in the morning. However, last week, and the week before last week, I've been getting up earlier than him, so no morning sex. Then at night, we've been home at different times, or have just been worn out totally from the day. I totally understand that the week before last, he had really long, hard days. Last week, Aunt Flo was in town, so I guess that's understandable.

So I really don't think that I should take the absence of sex in two weeks as a personal thing, should I? I mean, there's tons of affection besides that, nothing else is different, he doesn't treat me any differently. I guess it's just that our schedules are so out of whack right now. However, me being relatively new to sex, I'm convinced that if I don't do it with my bf at least 3 times a week, I'm not normal, or we don't have a normal relationship, or he doesn't want to be with me.

One more thing - I am on OTC, and yesterday, had an upset stomach an hour after taking my pill (I won't elaborate). Anyways, I've heard that if this happens within 2 hours of taking my pill, it may not have had the chance to absorb. That means, back up protection time. I don't know why, but I feel somewhat uncomfortable bringing up the topic of this if need be this week. Any suggestions on how I can do this?

Thanks for your assistance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 4:08pm

If I read your post right, you've been "going out" for about a month, and it sounds like you're practically living together? What ever happened to getting to know each other? You can't even talk to him about using condoms? I'll bet you couldn't talk to him about STD's either!

You've been together for a month.....you haven't had sex in two weeks, but you had it once a week before that. That means a total of 2 times......hardly enough to establish a "pattern".

If you want to know whether or not to take it personally, ask him why, and then you'll know. As I said, you two barely know each other and he might be having second thoughts. You need to learn to communicate. Rather than letting your imagination run wild, find out what's going on. There's no such thing as normal. Some people have sex once a month, or once every two months, and they're perfectly happy with that.

As for the pills....you said you had an upset stomach. Did you throw up? If not, the pill was absorbed. If you did throw up, then if you don't want to get pregnant, you'd better start talking about condoms. I can't understand how two people can be sexually active, but can't discuss IMPORTANT things like birth control and STD's. Go buy some condoms, hand them to him, and tell him he needs to use them for the remainder of the month. That will open up the discussion!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 4:14pm

OTC ???

and i dont think that is abnormal if you dont have sex with him at least 3 times a week. I waited 2 1/2 yers before having sex with my boyfriend. If he loves you, he will wait and not rush you to do anything you dont want.
-- i wouldn't take it personal... only if he pushed you away when you wanted to have sex.. if not.. then like you said, aunt flo came and not like you would have done anything during flo ..?? I wouldnt be mad about it, or say anything.

Hope i gave you good advice.
Naleiya'

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 4:24pm

I'm such an idiot.

What I meant to type was A YEAR and a little over a month, not a little over a month. Sorry about that, sometimes I type faster than I think.

I didn't throw up, but had a bout of diarrhea. I read that both vomitting and diarrhea within two hours after taking the pill effects its absorption, and it may count as a missed pill. Then I read somewhere else that having diarrhea has absolutely nothing to do with it, I have no idea.

OTC - Ortho Tricyclene. Sorry again, I am used to seeing the lingo used on some of these boards.

Sorry to confuse. Thanks for your help.




Edited 8/30/2005 4:26 pm ET ET by autumngirly
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 4:38pm

I agree with Dakine, you haven't been together long enough to know how often is normal or average


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 4:46pm

I totally agree with both of you that being sexually active after a month is just plain crazy, but I got a little carried away and typed "a little over a month" when I meant to say "A year and a little over a month"

We've been dating over a year.

Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:14pm

For SURE, a year is a whole lot different than a month! And, it really makes it a different post, too.

Whether or not you should take it personally depends on what's going on! And my statement about communication carries MORE weight after a year. How can you be with him for a year, and not be able to talk to him? Maybe you mean that you don't want to bring up using a condom, because you don't want to bring up the subject of sex at all?

After a year, you should know him pretty well. Usually, your "gut" feeling is right. There is something going on....but it could be MANY things. Maybe he just doesn't feel well. The last time, did he have any problems....like losing his erection? That can happen when a guy is tired or stressed out. Then, they worry that it will happen again, and just avoid sex.

What is wrong with YOU initiating something? Sometimes guys start getting paranoid if their partner never intitiates...it should be 50/50! If you try, and he rejects you, then you have the perfect opening to ask what's wrong.

No one here can tell you if you should take it personally or not. He's the only one who can tell you that.....and you need to get it out in the open. A relationship with no communication is not going to last. And a relationship isn't based on averages, either.

More often than not, your imagination conjures up things that are WAY far from the reality. Start talking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:53pm

>>More often than not, your imagination conjures up things that are WAY far from the reality. Start talking.<<

I agree with that. You guys have been busy, changed schedules and then you got your period in the middle of it. I'm not surprised in the slightest that you've just had a couple of weeks where sex hasn't happened. Don't go thinking that there is more to it than that. And Yes, it is best if you talk to him about it.