Should I tell her before we have sex??
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| Sat, 05-28-2005 - 6:52pm |
I need some advice. After a long break from dating I have begun to do so again and after some great dates with a wonderful woman we are getting closer to having sex for the first time. Here is my concern - should I tell her before we have sex that my "endowment" is 3.5? I know the subject would have to be brought up very carefully but there would be some advantages to talking about it "up front", for example: 1. she'll know beforehand and won't be so surprised when she sees me for the first time. (From past experience every sexually experienced woman I've ever dated has been to some degree shocked when she initially sees my penis.) 2. She'll be far less likely to say something that's embarrassing for us both. (That's definitely been an issue in past love relationships.) 3. I'll know early on if this is a potential issue for us as lovers and also as a couple.
Now I know that for some women this is NOT an issue. Most of the women I've been lovers with were just fine with it after we'd made love a few times and they learned that I'm pretty darn good in bed. BUT for some women size is a deal breaker - either too big or too small. I've had several potential lovers tell me that my size was "much too small" for them and they would not even give me a chance in bed. "I don't want to hurt your feelings but... I need alot more than that to fill me up. I had a bf in college that was about your size and it just wasn't very good so I broke up with him. Sorry." Game over. Understandably I want to avoid replaying this movie. My present gf and I have a good relationship and I'm sure we could talk about just about anything in an open, honest way. I do know she is very sexually experienced from our discussions. But having never discussed this issue before with a potential lover - should I bring it up or just go for it and deal with it?

I once had a guy who was similar size to you. He didn't warn me, and I didn't have a problem with it. And like you, he was a great lover so it didn't matter at all to me.
I'm not sure that there is a right or wrong way to deal with this. In my case, I've often felt a need to warn men upfront that I'm prone to Female Ejaculation but in reality, I've never really found a good way to do it. In the end, I just end up doing it and he's just gotten over the shock in due course. And like you, their reactions aren't always positive ones. It's not nice to leave your partner shocked, is it?
If *I* was your girlfriend, I would prefer to not be warned. If you did tell me earlier, I think I'd be inclined to dwell on it too much. Where as if I simply discovered it and then got on with things, I'd very quickly discover that you more than make up for it in other ways.
But this is just me. I'm sure that other women would feel differently - which is why I say that there's no right or wrong.
I would rather not be told, but that's just me.
Edited 5/28/2005 11:39 pm ET ET by greenteabag
Go ahead and bring up the topic and see what sort of tales/experience/opinions she has on the matter.
If you want to hear about other guys in your same predicament, check out a site called Thunder's Place. Pretty supportive bunch of guys.
I have done a fair amount of reading over the years and have often
read that only the bottom 2" or so of the vagina feels much. This
suggests that anything over 2" long could be excessive. I
have also read of women feeling uncomfortable when a longer penis
bumps into their cervix. I personally felt inadequate until I read
that the white european average was just a bit over 5" and then I
realized that the 7-to-14-inchers are the odd ones, not me. I think
this "thing" people have about size is sort of urban legend by now.
Sounds like a longer penis can be a liability as often as its an
asset. And I have not read very many complaints by women about
shorter penises; I think they care less than guys do about length.
Guys have what they have, and its not really the wand that does the
magic, its the magician.
If it makes you feel better to bring it up ahead of time then do so,
I think you have a well-thought-out approach.
One lady remarked on female ejaculation; I was forewarned by such a
lady, she gave me a thin booklet to read ahead of time so that I was
reasonably well-informed before she "squirted". I'm glad she did, it
was still a surprise to me, but not an unpleasant one, and I learned
to value her for this trait. Its more-rare than you'd think, and her
orgasms are extremely satisfying. I neglected to ask if she was "taught"
or she learned on her own.
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