Should it take him this long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Should it take him this long?
14
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 10:00am

I'm in my late 30's and just now rejoining the dating/sex scene after a 5 year hiatus. My new guy ( in his 20s)and I have been having heavy make out sessions the last few weeks and did notice it seems to take him quite awhile to climax through oral and manual stimulation. I chalked it up to him being as nervous as I was, plus he said it's been a year since he's had sex and he says he doesn't masturbate. He prefers cold showers and exercise. We finally had sex over the weekend and it was utterly amazing. 5 hours and 3 times, but my only concern is how long should it take for him to climax?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 10:54am

All guys are different.......for one thing, he's probably "nervous" and has "performance anxiety".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 11:28am
Thank you for the reply Sakura. I do think that something may have happened to him because he jokes a lot about his extreme fear of male rape. At first I thought he was kidding, but it's brought up way too often. I even asked him is something happened to him or if he was an alter boy ( he's catholic), but he said no to the alter boy and didn't comment on the other. He knows I was abused/raped as a child, so I'm hoping eventually he'll open up about his issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 11:32am

Did he mention why he doesn't masturbate? Does he feel that he shouldn't -- and if so, why? If he has hangups about masturbation, then he may also have some about sex. If he is struggling with any issues there, it can also make him feel guilty. That can affect his entire sexual experience.

It could also be that he has great control or is just wired that way (to last longer), or it could be nerves from his first encounter with you. I don't think there's anything you can do to control it, but you might have to speak up if it's becoming too tiring or painful for you. Also, since he is lasting so long, you should probably use lube so that you don't dry out.






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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 5:55pm

DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!


I admit that some might think that you are very lucky to have found such a long lasting lover.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 8:24am
My bf takes forever to orgasm when he is drinking, and often times he does not at all. After 3 hours one night I am sore the next night. If he gives me any grief about not wanting sex because it hurts I just tell him not to drink! Although I do not like 2 pump chumps I can't take it for hours on end, our bodies were not meant for it, no matter how good it feels!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 8:38am
Welcome to the board, Ruthzinda, and thanks for joining in.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 10:56am

Ruth, when I was growing up, there was a saying "alcohol gives the mind ideas that the body can't fulfill"......and that's your b/f's problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 1:57pm
I do tell him that I have had enough when it starts to hurt. I also tell him if he does not like it that he should not drink so much but it does not really bother me because he always makes sure I get off at least once. I have not been with him long enough to determine if he has a drinking problem or not but thanks for the input. Ruth
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 2:42pm

Hi Ruth welcome to the board!

I saw your post and wanted to chime in.

"I have not been with him long enough to determine if he has a drinking problem or not"

Speaking from experience I don't know how long you've been with him
but a few red flags to look for early on, would be, "getting wasted every time"
"Getting wasted often to the point of not remembering the next day"
And of course "why he drinks?" If its at all used in any way to "escape"
especially "past issues" Run like the wind, cause its never a good thing
That's just my 2 cents

Kareese

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 8:51am
I will start off by saying everyone is different. If you were still wondering about whether he was abused earlier in life - it sounds like his lack of a response was a positive indicator. When he is ready he will tell you. He will have some issues until he deals with this. As far as his "duration", he is young still and in my younger days I could go a lot longer than I do now. If I'm careful we go twice, but even after over an hour, DW still wants more. Even though she has had multiple O's. Be careful with this one. I have no reasonable explanation of why he is telling you he does not masturbate - I thought we all did it.

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