'Size doesn't matter' contradictions

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
'Size doesn't matter' contradictions
122
Sun, 04-20-2008 - 10:18am

There are some women who say size doesn't matter. Now I can believe that, but

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2007
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 2:18am

I think this is the fourth or fifth thread on this topic over the past few months. But this one's the most intense. Some random thoughts:


1. Sisterhoney's right about obsession. The male focus on size is probably more about other issues, and the question about what Been-There would do with a larger penis suggests this. Chances are, if provided a bigger penis, most men would then focus on something else and let that become a fixation. I do know that most men obsess about their height, hair loss, build, etc. Men have just as many body image issues as women do, they just feel inadequate discussing them...anywhere except message boards.


2. Most women are fine with the size of their men...because the great majority of men do indeed fall within the boundaries of average: 5.5" to 6.5". Penises larger than that are "okay" but not always a good thing. Men with avg penises, obsessing over this are most definitely victims of what internet porn is feeding them: enormous penises and women wriggling in delight at being "stuffed." Fact is, most of the men in internet porn wear phony phallises. You can see it. Regardless, men are falling for this and are being led to believe that every other man out there has a huge penis. Not true.


3. What women have to remember or understand is that when a man is nude, he is completely vulnerable. We do indeed feel very very judged by our partner and how we compare physically to her previous partners. That vulnerability is real and unnerving at times. Alex Comfort wrote that the penis is like "a third party" and that in a good sex scene it becomes "her penis." Jeez. As much as a I respect Comfort's opinion, that there heaps on the importance of the penis and, as a result, leads to greater obsession.


4. There are instances where size is a issue. As mentioned in a previous thread, I top out at 4" erect. Thats is certainly "below average." My whole life, small penis = small man (even though I'm 6 feet tall). And size fears lead to performance anxiety which leads to ED.


5. The fact that we are seeing this issue come up so often suggests that men need to discuss this but do not have the outlet to do so. This isn't something a guy talks about with his male friends. It's not something a guy wll discuss in therapy, either.


I remember one of the most deflating moments in my life: I had a crush on a woman with whom I'd been friends for a couple of years. I was about ready to express my feelings for her when one night, when I was out with her and her friends, the topic of penises came up and

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 3:07am

OK here's my take on it, since I gave myself a headache reading this ENTIRE thread...


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 10:59am

sakura2006 wrote: "Since you're a number person, then you must realize that the percentages are in your favor to meet one of those "MOST women" who don't really care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 2:10pm
In trying to get a handle on this issue, I am wondering how many people, both men and women, have ever had what they felt was a "bad" orgasm?
Speaking for myself, I can truly say that I have yet to have my first bad one.
once.
once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 3:08pm

I've never had a "bad orgasm" but I've had many "mediocre" orgasms.

For example, I orgasm best through vaginal penetration and clitoral orgasms seem pretty mediocre to me in comparison to g-spot orgasms and anal orgasms.

A man needs a little length to hit that special anal spot that makes me orgasm and he needs good thickness to make me orgasm vaginally...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 3:37pm
So, if I read your right, you are saying that you are unable to manipulate your sweet spots well enough to be able to have a satisfactory orgasm if the appendage you are entertaining isn't a certain dimension?
Can you give us any indication of just what the cut-off might be size wise to meet your requirements?
once.
once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 5:03pm

Been, when you say "care" about, what exactly are you referring to?

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 5:39pm
"Logically, if they aren't doing anything differently than the first group (those who don't care at all), then wouldn't that include them in the "doesn't matter" group? What do you think that the middle groups (those who care somewhat and moderately) are doing differently than the first group (those who do not care at all) as opposed to the group on the extreme opposite end (size queens)?"



I think this is a good point, and definitely is an indication of why polls really can't be completely accurate. You're asking what they are doing different ... there also needs to be the value that all of the women polled enjoy sex equally. Given that there are many women who don't ever have orgasms, or don't have them until they are older and more comfortable with their lover, I would think those women would have different answers even with the same lover compared to a woman who is having orgasms during intercourse.






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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 5:41pm
BTW,


Congratulations!

You've gone over 1,000 posts!






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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 04-24-2008 - 6:32pm

Nothing under 5inches, nothing over 8.

And girth has to be decent but I've never actually measured.

I've had sex with a few "teeny wheeny" guys and I simply couldn't get an awesome orgasm from it. I mean, it was *ok* but not excellent.

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