Size Matters

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Size Matters
47
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 8:37pm
I have to be honest I read these posts alot and it is really for one reason. I want to reaffirm that size doesn't matter. It really seems like the politically correct thing to say it that it doesn't, but even to the woman that say it doesn't they seem sway toward that if given the choice they would choose above average over average. Well I'm 41, 6'1", 180 in great condition, I'm told good looking, father of 3, mostly unhappily married (more of a roomate and great mother to my children- she still looks great), 1000% faithful, employed, strong christian, financially in good shape, but only about 4.5" long and maybe 1.25" girth. Yes it works and is ready to go, but man it hurts to be this size. Everyday at the YMCA I do the heterosexual quick scan to see if maybe maybe I could to bigger than somebody else (we all do that), but it is rare. Bottom line is that is hurts, and as much as I try to be a good, tough, mans-man. I never really feel that way because I know I'm hung light. I know that even tough my wife tells me its fine and I know I'm suppose to believe it.... What really upsets me is that I can't change it. I know those male enhancement pills are lies and I know there is nothing that will give me the great feeling of knowing I gave my wife the great feeling that some of these 7"-10" guys could. Yes I do all the other things to try to satisfy her, but I know I can't do that fill-her thing. She had a big guy in her first husband (I saw a picture (of him naked) in a box she was tossing out when she moved here 11 years ago. Otherwise she would never mention that, but I can tell she tries not to make this matter, but the fact is it does matter. I know some of you will write and try to pick the chins of guys like me up and that sweet, but you really can't. Because the fact is size does matter and for those without the size we hurt. I am not a wuss I'm just hung like one. For as much pain as I have let this cause me over the years I worry the same about my little 5 year old son who I pray will not suffer from this as much as I have about this, but I suppose he will. I know there are worse things in life and this is small in comparason to many many other things, but I do wonder why not being hung well has to be a factor in what kind of man I am or what kind of man I feel like. I would love to be able to give my wife that full feeling.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 9:34pm

First of all, I am not writing just to lift up your chin.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
In reply to: rj2001
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:36pm
Ok, this thread I started three months ago degraded into something else, but along the way I discussed my luck/good fortune with penis enlargement. I'm not going to argue the efficacy here, but follow this thread, you may be interested...

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlletstalkab/?msg=14551.1

I agree wholeheartedly, it sucks. There is something you can do about it, all you have to do is put in the effort, and no, it is not easy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:47pm
Hi rj.

If you ARE looking for alternatives, then your doctor would really be the best place to start, also consider the Dr. Ruth board, you just NEVER know what going to say about these types of issues, lol. Our honest opinions here are always available but I still think your own doc has the best advice for you regarding alternatives.

YES almost all men know what you're going through because there's ALWAYS the fear of not being enough. For some men its fear of impotence and for others its fear of not lasting long enough and YET for others its fear of either being too big to please comfortably or too small to please enough. So YES, almost all of us go through it when it comes to being with our women.

My personal concern about YOU is the fact that you are concerned about though. You see, you didn't just state a concern about being enough for your wife, you felt the need to include your fears of comparison as well. My point here is:

Had you kept your concerns limited to JUST sex with your wife and thats it, that'd be one thing. However, and you're not in trouble for this, lol, you made mention of concerns while COMPARING yourself to other men. THAT leads me to believe this is more of a personal issue with you yourself and NOT anything that your wife said NOR anything that happened sexually.

Here's another point to VERY carefully consider:

Its not your wife that indicated wanting to be filled up, that was YOU who chose to indicate that FOR her. PLEASE remember, many women simply want that G-spot in there perfectly stimulated and could actually care LESS about being "filled up" as you put it. If you're hitting her spot and you are conditioned just right and enough to learn/know how she really really likes it, then, and I can say this cause you and I are men, 'shut up' and get to work and have fun! LOL!! You're woman is waiting for you to PLEASE her the way SHE wants, not the way YOU want.

My friend, if you continue to claim that she's lying to you about this...JUST to feed your insecurities...then enough time has been wasted and its high time you talked to your doc about alternatives. OTHERWISE, keep focusing on what SHE wants instead of what YOU want for her. Sorry if you feel this is tough brotherly love, but you know for sure you got my honest opinion, lol. My honest uncensored opinion is to let God be praised for the way you are, don't criticize his work, and focus on the RELATIONSHIP you share with your wife during sex and what SHE desires out of it. STOP treating sex as an , you'll always fail...because its NOT an accomplishment in the first place.

Peace brother. Relax, enjoy, have fun...because after all...other than your own reflection...whats actually stopping you...AND her?

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:16am
"What really upsets me is that I can't change it"

that’s why all men are sensitive on penis subjects because no matter what you can't change it

Besides only girls choose men based on their size not women

And if size really mattered that much then why are men of all sizes in relationships with women? A lot of women on the internet ( <------wish i could underline that) claim they basically pick large guys or say that "all women what bigger" i never see that in reality

Not trying to put your chin but you have nothing to worry about

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:39am
It really and truly d/n matter. You sound like a nice and moral person. That's soooooooo much more important.

EVERYONE has things about him or herself that they don't like. I can't stand the fact that I have no boobs and no hips. OTOH I am thankful that I am pretty, maybe extremely pretty and I have a tight little bod. Although I am smart and well-educated, I have a serious ADD problem, and it hugely prevents me from reaching my potential as I cannot concentrate terribly well.

Please. It's awful to think of you torturing yourself over this. There's absolutely no need to. REALLY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:02am
... oh: Plus I'm short, which I hate most of all. You're a foot taller than me. One problem, when you're 5-2, is trying to get people to take you seriously. And that just stinks. Please don't feel singled out with a slightly imperfect feature.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:14am
What you have is a self perception and a self confidence issue, but I think you know that. You say you've seen a picture of your wife's ex.....did you feel as badly BEFORE you saw that picture? As someone else said, he's her EX, and if all it takes to make a woman happy is a big penis, then she'd still be with him, wouldn't she?

You say you want to be able to give her a "full" feeling. Did she ever TELL you she wanted a "full" feeling? I doubt it very much. Do you realize that a woman's vagina has very little feeling except for the opening? So, big or small, it feels about the same. The only difference being that BIG can be painful to most of us. Muttley mentions "exercises" that can increase your size. So, go ahead and do the exercises for months, or years, and maybe you WILL increase by a half inch or so. Do you really think she'd feel the difference? She won't.

You also mentioned that you are "UNhappily" married, and that she's more of a "roommate" to you. Don't you think that factors into your unhappiness with yourself? I'm sure that the sex issues, whatever they may be are NOT because of your size, but other problems. Have you done anything to find out WHY she's a roommate rather than a lover?

You've fathered 3 children, which is an accomplishment in itself. It may not be big, but it WORKS! Think about the poor guys who are sterile! They may "fill" their partners, but they will never have the joy of being a father! Would you like to trade places with them? Also, PLEASE don't pass this idea on to your son. For one thing, you have NO idea what size he will be when he's an adult. Children get half their genes from their Mother, and he may wind up much larger than you are. Don't give him the idea that bigger is better, so he'll wind up with hang-ups about himself, too. The "locker room syndrome" might get him, too. But if he ever comes to you about it......DON'T make him feel inadequate.

I will grant you that there ARE women who will say that bigger is better, but I'll also bet you that they're women who've never been with a man who knows HOW to give a woman pleasure.

Back to your "roommate" for a moment. You need to find out what the problem in your sex life is, and work on THAT, not worry about something that you can't do anything about. If you can get your sex life back on track, you'll feel a LOT better about yourself. Maybe you could BOTH benefit from some marriage counselling.

You're a good, loving, decent man and father, and trust me, there are women out there who would give ANYTHING to find a man like you, irregardless of your penis size! Start loving yourself for your attributes instead of worrying about something over which you have NO control, and which, in the grand scheme of things, means very little to most women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:01am
Thanks for your reply. I read your post all the time and I could have bet and won that your post would be this way! You did add some stuff i didn't expect too! When I re-read my post this mornig I sounded kind of whiney...like a wuss...but If I started writing I would have said about the same thing. I know there are worse things in life and that God allows us to have trials in order to test our character. Thanks for your reply...you really are helpful to alot of people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:05am
Hey rj2001,

I'm 42 yrs old

5" and 1.25" diameter

And I feel the same way you do. my SO tells me it's fine and that i'm the first she can deep throat...bonus, I guess. Also the first she's enjoyed anal with. Another bous.

But I do, as you said, wish I could fill her up, more.

All we can do is concentrated on the positives and go on.

But I really know how you feel. It hurts, and will never go away.

We are not alone. 6" is average so there's plenty smaller than us.

I know...that doesn't help me either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: rj2001
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:23pm
I am sorry chirsty la1 but reread your comments that you have posted on this type of subject.....

it really irritates me (since i see this happen so much times on another board) when a poster posts that all whatever gender would pick this and that....thus causing people to feel a little insecure…. then when another poster posts his/her feelings about the same kind of problem they change their persona and say the opposite.......


Well most men are in the average 5-6 inch range so really rj2001 you have nothing to worry


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